Dave Kanegis wants to help you get past the first date jitters.
You’re excited, nervous, doubtful, hopeful, ambivalent, hesitant, happy… !
These are just a few of the thoughts and emotions everyone experiences when preparing for a first date.
If you’re looking for answers or do’s and don’ts read no further. Do you want to create your own advice rather than taking it from well meaning friends and family? Seeking to identify ahead of time what will remove stress and put you in control… then read on!
No one can predict how a first date will turn out. There are simply too many variables. Everyone is unique.
In other articles we’ve discussed the most important aspect in finding a partner is self-insight. Engaging in introspection and determining what you bring to a relationship and what you are hoping to get out of one.
For purposes of this article let’s assume you’ve done some Mind Acrobatics™ exercises and have a good sense of self, expectations, what’s acceptable in a date and absolute no starts.
While I promised I’d supply only questions, I am going to give one piece of advice.
Be your authentic self! Don’t create a false first date persona that you will have to maintain if all goes well. The truth will always out!
Now that you’ve accepted to be true to your values what follows are some questions to think about before the date.
- What if anything do I owe a first date?
- Will I have to break the ice by starting the conversation? If so, what will I say?
- How do I respond if he starts with a question I’m uncomfortable answering?
- What amount of information should I share…. tell him I’ve been married before, have children, am widowed…?
- Should I talk about my ex?
- Discuss my children?
- What should I absolutely, positively not reveal?
- Do I discuss political or religious views?
- What kinds of questions can I ask that will help reveal her real personality… how will I know if the answers are true?
- What signs will show me this guy is a real jerk?
- What about questions of views on sex… am I comfortable discussing them?
- What if I see he’s falling for me and I’m definitely not interested?
- What if I enjoy his company but there’s no chemistry and I’d like him as a friend?
- What if I’m only physically attracted… do I consider a second date?
- Should I set up the date so it can only last for a specified time, i.e., my work lunch hour?
- What if he’s twenty years older than his Internet picture or she’s twenty five pounds heavier?
- What if he seems nice but a bit dull… not exactly my type but a decent guy… do I give him another chance and see what develops?
- What if she seems sweet but wears way too much make-up for me… how do I handle it?
- How can I politely show I’m not interested?
- If she really turns me on do I say that to her?
- How can I make sure I’m not showing too much interest so I don’t scare him off?
- What if I suspect he’s being a little bit phony… how important is that… am I being my real self?
- If she offers to split the bill or pay how do I handle it?
- What do I say if I don’t want to see her again… do I take her number?
- What criteria will I use to determine if I want to see him again?
- How do I communicate that I really like him and want to ensure a second date?
- What if I’m totally ambivalent and not sure if I want to see him again?
Do any of these questions sound familiar? Are there a bunch more you can add?
Let’s take the stress out of this date!
Before you agree to this first meeting give thought to the above questions and any others that come to mind.
Take the time to really think not obsess about what you are looking for in a first date. It will remove a tremendous amount of worry and anxiety which often doom a first meeting from the get go.
Give some thought to your expectations beforehand and realize it’s simply one date. It might be fantastic, mediocre or a disaster. Don’t over think, simply reflect a bit.
Sometimes things just happen and take on a life of their own. Call it fate.
Think, hope, be yourself and visualize a positive outcome… but make sure you have a good escape plan ready just in case you need it!
Photo: Getty Images