Sometimes, it’s worth it just to put the brakes on a traveling road show and call one place home.
Having a long-distance relationship with interstate highways isn’t one that I want to continue. I believe it is time to appreciate what I have learned about myself as an “eclectic gypsy” and settle my butt down somewhere.
Sitting in a driver’s seat for hours on end can either be mind-numbing or enjoyable. Now this doesn’t mean that I do not have a desire to travel or see different places. I do. For now, I’d prefer to take an airplane.
So, borrowing the analogy of Dorothy clicking her pretty red slippers in “The Wizard of Oz,” I’m just going to say it is good to be home.
The roads upon which I have traveled and places that I have lived over the past years have, in some way, prepared me for this time in life. Being back in a city where I happen to know some people, and they know me, is quite refreshing.
There is a lot that I have not done while living in Austin, TX, before.
What has made this latest landing so appealing is that I have given myself time to get reacquainted with a number of people that I have not seen in a few years. Significant shifts in our lives have happened. Some people have come and gone in this path of my journey, and I understand it. I’ve done the same thing myself, rolling in and out of people’s lives because I never felt comfortable on my insides. The outside may have looked OK, but it was a mask to hide my insecurity, lack of self-esteem, fear and anger.
I had the pleasure of hearing singer-songwriter Darden Smith perform a new song in the past few days, one that talked about being on the road and trying to find a way back home. It hit my heart and soul pretty hard.
The mere fact that I am present while life’s pesky dark clouds keep rolling around me for now is miraculous. No, I have not seen that pot of gold and the end of a rainbow. But it’s somewhere.
Along each stop of my trip from Arizona, back to Texas, there was someone willing to help me out.
To be clear, I asked for help. I do not assume people will help me out nor do I presume they will help me run an errand or two. I’m truly grateful for those that are letting me stay with them for a bit.
It has been a pleasant surprise to know that I have been loved and missed by a lot of people.
Wouldn’t you like it if people felt that way about you? Be honest with yourself. Every man has a deep need for love and connection. Same goes for women, too. How that goal is attained stands the test of time.
The warmth and grace have led me to tears. I catch myself asking a question: ”What did I do to deserve such kindnesses?”
It is hard for me to ask for help. Accepting the help is tough as well. Yet all of this is part of a man’s maturation process, albeit delayed by a few years.
I want to be in control. I want to have the guts to “be the man” and “suck it up” and all those other crappy macho sayings. It’s all BS.
Getting a chance to see the Fourth of July fireworks that lit up the Austin skyline was incredible.
It is true that the fragrance of sweetness can be found within a friend as well as a flower.
Much to my dismay, I have not really cultivated that sweet-smelling kind of friendship over the past few years. Yes, I have made friends yet there is something really beautiful and special about those men and women who remember someone after not seeing them for a while. It might be the talents, looks, voice or energy. Who knows?
These friendships are like life touchstones marking where I’ve been and where I am today. In coming back to Austin and making an intentional effort toward reconnecting with people, there has been much love and grace.
If you had told me a number of months ago that this 50th year of my life would see me coming back to Texas again, then I would not have believed you at all. Life, though, has an interesting way of pulling out an Ace from its deck of cards.
Now what about you, my man? Are you still trying to stay ahead of your inner feelings and emotions so much that it’s hurting your life? Are you still an “eclectic gypsy”? Is that the type of life that you want to lead? Still looking to stay in control of all these situations, or are you willing to give up that inner power struggle?
Learn from my successes and mistakes. Let me learn from yours, too, and we all might be better off in the end. If the “eclectic gypsy” within you is still alive (as it is in me), then know that it is OK because creativity and life can be found within it.
Photo: Getty Images