Can a Relationship Survive Cheating? What Science Says

Being cheated on is one of the most painful things you can experience in a relationship. While some people are ready to call it quits the moment when they find out about an affair, others want to make it work.

But is that even possible?

Can a relationship survive cheating?

Here’s what the research tells us about working things out after an affair.

Can Couples Work It Out After Someone Cheats?

The truth is, many couples do stay together after someone has had an affair. In fact, a surprisingly high number of couples choose to work things out.

Data suggests that 60% to 75% of couples stay together after a cheating incident. This number is highest among couples who go to counseling or commit to honest communication.

It’s important to keep in mind that this number only accounts for the percentage of couples who choose to stay together after cheating. It doesn’t mean that all of these couples end up with a happy, healthy relationship. It only means that these couples choose to stay together after one of them has had an affair.

How Many Couples Survive Long-Term After an Affair?

Working it out after cheating occurs doesn’t mean that you’ll end up happily ever after. The numbers are a bit more complicated.

One study found that about half of all couples who chose to stay together after an affair actually ended up staying together long-term. (This study found that 15.6% of couples stayed together long-term after infidelity, but there’s a catch: in this study, only 30% of couples actually tried to work things out).

Other research has found that 15% to 25% of couples stay together long-term after an affair.

So while it’s possible to get back together after infedility, the odds of actually surviving in the long-term are far lower.

How Couples Can Try to Survive an Affair

If you want things to work out with your significant other after an affair, there are a few things that both you and your partner will need to do.

Be honest. If there’s any chance of you moving past an affair, you’ll both need to be completely honest with one another. The person who cheated needs to disclose what happened (within reason), be open to answering any questions, and avoid defensiveness. Both people in the relationship need to be honest with each other (and themselves) about how the affair has affected them.
Get therapy. Couples who stay together long-term after an affair get therapy. It’s ideal to get couples counseling, as well as individual therapy, to work through the trauma, pain, and underlying issues. Emotional healing plays a key role in whether things will work out long-term, and most couples will require professional help to achieve it.
Allow space and time to heal. The person who was cheated on is likely to feel betrayed, sad, and angry. They will generally need time and space for their wounds to heal before they can move past the affair.
Make new relationship commitments. There will need to be a change in how you communicate and in the boundaries you set. Focus on building a new relationship rather than going back to the old one.
Work on rebuilding a connection. Focus on rebuilding a connection as friends and lovers. Prioritize emotional and physical intimacy.
Stay because you want to. Remember that you’re not obligated to stay with anyone. When both partners stay because they want to, there’s a greater likelihood of working things out in the long-term.

The Bottom Line

A relationship can survive cheating, but it’s not always easy. Couples who focus on honest communication, emotional healing, and therapy are more likely to stay together in the long run.

Remember that anyone can stay together. The key is to find happiness with your partner again. If you’re struggling to find inner peace, stability, and happiness after an affair, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.