There’s been some controversy recently among the girls I hang out with. Who am I kidding? There’s been lots of drama. Who knew that the post-divorce dating world would be this exciting?
One of the girls doesn’t believe women should have male friends.
In other words, if she’s dating a guy, he needs to wear a sign, ‘No women allowed.’ I’m being a smart ass but you get the point. It became a bone of contention. Why?
Because one of our friends introduced her to her boyfriend.
What did this mean?
Our friend could no longer text a man she had been friends with.
Despite having introduced them.
I tried to be the voice of reason to calm the conflict. I tried to explain that there are plenty of men, and women who are simply friends. Nothing else, strictly buddies.
She was having none of it.
She thought it was weird.
She said that once a guy is with a woman, he shouldn’t text or hang out with any other woman. There was no gray area. There was no middle of the road. This wasn’t about a woman who was a threat.
It was her general rule.
Her general opinion.
“I have lots of guy friends,” I told her.
“That’s weird,” she says.
“I don’t think it is,” I say.
“You’re the only one who thinks that way,” she says. “Everyone else I’ve talked to agrees with me.”
Here’s the thing.
I get what she’s saying, to a point.
If there seems to be something suspicious, I get that. There are some men, and women who aren’t capable of having platonic relationships with the opposite sex.
But there are plenty that are.
I’ll admit, I’m somewhat of an exception.
I realize I might not be the norm.
I don’t just have guy friends, I’m still friends with every guy I’ve ever dated. This ranges from a couple of dates to the serious relationship category.
When I got divorced, my friends were hoping I might reconnect with someone from my past. They thought it would be romantic. It made me laugh.
“It’s never going to happen,” I said. “There is no unrequited love in my past because I’m still friends with every guy I ever dated.”
My high school boyfriend is still in my top five fun people category.
He’s got a big joy of life, and he’s ridiculously funny. He’s fun to the point he would embarrass me dancing, and enjoy it. His wife and I joke we could also be best friends.
We always say we have a bond.
The kind of bond that’s forged in youth.
I’m also still friends with my first love. I wrote something about him recently I Love a Man I Can’t Have — How I accept the wrong timing in life. He read it. We had a good laugh over a few things. It wasn’t about him but I looped him into the story about timing.
There’s only one man I’m no longer friends with, and that’s my ex-husband.
But if he tried to make things right tomorrow, I would forgive even him.
Despite the terrible things he’s done.
He would be my friend again.
Not a healthy friend I would choose to hang out with. A friend who could take his place in my heart as a better memory. Because he’s the only man I’ve ever kicked completely out of it.
One of my very best friends is a guy.
In high school, he dated one of my besties, and my first love was one of his. Neither of us ended up with the two of them. But we’ve been best friends ever since.
I guess you could say that I’ve never dated strictly romantically.
They were always my friends.
It’s harder to part with people that you not only love…
But you become incredible friends with.
I feel lucky to have those good guys as my lifelong friends. Even luckier that the women in their lives see me for who I am. I am not a threat. It’s simply a friendship.
I’m not talking about my serious relationships.
I’m talking about all of the guys I am friends with.
I love their wives.
They love me.
They don’t think it’s strange.
Maybe I wasn’t the right person to be the voice of reason. Because I am the other extreme. I have many male friends. I was the minority opinion.
I don’t see anything wrong with men and women being friends.
Maybe I’m wrong.
But I wouldn’t trade those friendships for anything.
I think there is a happy in-between.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Jonathan Borba on Unsplash
