Catching Early Red Flags — Part 1: “My Ex Was Crazy”

Many people fail in relationships because they use too many feelings and very little logic.

Just because that one guy gives you butterflies in your stomach, it doesn’t mean you should commit to him right away.

There’s this thing called ‘red flag’. You need to pay more attention to it before anything else.

Ignoring early red flags means you’re setting up yourself for another heartbreak.

Enough wasting time with someone who doesn’t deserve us in the first place.

(This article is part of the series of “catching early red flags in dating” that will help you date better — both offline and online. Follow along for the next part.)

My story

I met him on Bumble. We hit it off real quick and decided to meet in person.

Now, if you’ve been on dating apps, meeting in person after talking online for a while can be scary.

“What if he/she doesn’t like me?”

“What if we are only compatible over the phone but not in real life?”

“I really want this one to work out!”

And all those overthinking thoughts. So, after a couple of days back and forth discussing the schedule, we finally met in a park.

First, nothing seemed off. However, the more we talked, the more I realized that he kept referring all these stories back to his exes.

This ex was crazy. That ex was mean. And that one ex he had in high school? She’s a freak.

2 hours in, I noticed one pattern: he talked a lot about how he got to dump all his exes because they were crazy. Then he went on praising how he was such a good boyfriend to them.

Do you see the red flag right there? Sure, we can argue that his exes were indeed crazy, but all of them? And no fault on his end?

It just sounds dishonest. We all know when a relationship fails, it’s always both parties’ fault. Unless one of them is found cheating.

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And you don’t have to tell me how good you are as a partner over and over again, you just need to show me your actions.

Why this is a red flag

Imagine dating someone who disrespects you once the relationship doesn’t work out. That’d be annoying as hell.

Although I’m sure there are indeed crazy exes out there, I still don’t think it’s right to talk shit about your ex to random people, especially when no one’s asking for it.

This is a huge red flag.

If he could do it to his ex, there’s a high possibility he’d do it to me too, when he’s not happy with me. The same thing goes with how he’ll tell his friends after the breakup about how it’s all your fault and never admits his fault.

It’s the basic manipulation many people still play.

You don’t want to be with someone who always needs to put other people down so he/she can feel better. It’s lame.

I don’t know about you, but it’s a big turn-off for me.

Another reason why it’s a big red flag is it shows how they haven’t truly moved on from their ex. Because, truthfully, if you have, you wouldn’t even bother bringing up an ex into the conversation.

No one likes to hear your story with your ex on a first date. The fact that you meet each other as single people shows that you’re ready to open a new chapter.

So if that doesn’t happen, then it’s fair to assume that you might be the rebound guy for them.

Final Thoughts

The earlier you catch on the red flags, the more time you save from unnecessary heartbreaks.

I’m glad I listened to my gut and called it off with the narcissistic guy. When you meet people who are so full of themselves and think they’re the perfect goddess, it’s already a warning sign you shouldn’t be with them.

Because even from this early sign, you can tell that the relationship will be all about them. And that’s not healthy in the long run.

“Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect. If it’s not based on respect, nothing that appears to be good will last very long “ — Amy Grant

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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