Eduardo Garcia on the conquest and hunting language we use to describe romance, and how to change the mindset it creates.
“I wouldn’t want my daughters to date a guy like me. I was dangerous around women in my twenties. I’m terrified that they might end up with someone like me.” –Antonio Banderas
I will give you a bit of wisdom that will probably shock you. Women enjoy sex as much as men. Really! I am not joking here. Furthermore, the ladies can actually decide to have consensual sex without the need of lies or scams. I swear it’s true! Can you believe that society has lied to men for so long about this? This next bit of knowledge will really blow your mind. Women are smart enough and strong enough, in many cases more than men, to handle an honest mature conversation about sex.
Ok, I will tone down the sarcasm for the rest of the article. If your immediate thought after reading the previous paragraph is “yeah, only the sluts” you are still too immature to understand this article. Turn off your computer, back away slowly from all social media for a while. Grow up!
Men, I want you for an instant to think of the language we tend to use when speaking of romancing the Fairer Sex. We speak about our conquests, about going fishing or hunting, and we try to win them over using scams or swindles. We compete amongst each other as to how many numbers we get in a club, with the final goal of getting into their pants. We hold as our champion the one who has slept with the most girls. We call ourselves players, but the truth is we are playing nothing more than a hustle on women. We have developed strategies, tricks, gimmicks, and emotional blackmail tactics. We walk around with Playbooks and compare notes of what does or doesn’t work. Technically we are no better than con-men. You feel cheated and betrayed when you’re scammed out of money, you feel that you were taken advantage of and your trust was violated. So why is it that we don’t view sexual intercourse acquired this way any differently? Instead, we actually celebrate it. How exactly is this attitude directed to produce a proper consensual relation?
Before we go on, I admit and recognize that women have their own tricks. They use sexual promises, seduction, and emotional blackmail for their own benefit; so thinking that they are mere victims in this equation is a rather naive attitude, but for this discussion I will focus on our end of the bargain. I am honest and humble enough to admit that I have a better chance of understanding quantum physics before I understand women. I do have a theory that they are just as complicated as men though.
Romancing is not a competitive sport. Women are not your opponents on a chess board. You don’t have to beat them into submission or assume that one side is the winner while the other is the loser in a relationship. That mentality is the main reason why insecure men go looking for easy prey, apparently weak minded women, opponents they feel can easily be overpowered. This reasoning from men has cause way to many women to think they have to dumb down to attract men.
I am not going to say that in my younger years I did not follow this path myself. Fortunately, every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. I did however have a couple of rules back, to which I have added a few more as I pass them down to you. If you want to find a woman worthwhile, make sure you become a worthwhile man.
1. Respect ALL women.
Never call a woman a bitch, a slut, a lesbian (or any other name that in your mindset might sound demeaning) just because they failed to fall for your game. Avoid making subjective judgments on a woman, especially if your flaws are rather evident. Are you really trying to minimize who they are just because you had your Ego hurt? If you need me to explain this rule, you should do some serious soul searching.
2. Be upfront with your intentions.
Don’t make her fall for you if you have no intention of catching her. People are responsible for their own emotions, but leading someone on with vague or unclear intentions is the same as lying to them. Be honest, most women can handle a harsh truth better than a comforting lie.
3. Accept the fact that not everyone will like you.
No matter how charming, suave, and debonair you are, not everyone will like you. Don’t get offended, and don’t take it like a personal attack. Don’t see rejection as a challenge to change their minds. Even if it WAS a personal attack, are they really worth it? Their loss. Move on to someone who is worth it and actually cares and accepts you.
4. Respect the “No.”
Many men think that “No” just means try harder or change tactics. I am not saying to give up easily or not to go after something just because you initially got rejected. I just want you to understand that a Yes gotten through trickery or emotional blackmail might be proof that you’re just ignoring that she said No. If you could not accept a “No” here, you will probably not accept a “No” later on. Congratulations, you just became the slime ball that gives the rest of us a bad reputation.
5. Never go after an intoxicated lady.
Never sleep with a drunken woman, even if you are drunk as well. This rule is non-negotiable. Any action done by someone while drunk is non-consensual. Just think of all the stupid things you have done intoxicated, and ask yourself if you would have done half of them sober. Also, if you have any self-respect you might want her to remember if she had a good time with you.
Note: In case you do find a lady in that state, your obligation is to protect her, making sure that the slime balls I mentioned in number four do not take advantage of her.
6. Avoid being a Shoulder-Vulture.
For all the ladies reading this article, this strategy is known as “the patient wolf.” The predators will wait for a lady to fall into an emotionally chaotic state; usually brought on by a love betrayal. They will use false empathy to offer condolences, understanding, and a shoulder to cry on; only to try and take advantage of the situation. Guys, if you use this, you are no better than a guy who goes after drunken women, and have no real respect for the woman looking for support. They came to you for empathy, not for additional drama.
7. Respect all relationships.
Relationships are not a job that you stay in till you have the next one lined up. If a person is unhappy with their current one, they should have the balls/ovaries to end it and just be single. Do not get dragged into the guaranteed drama of going after someone if one of you are in a relationship already. You will be disrespecting her, the relationship, and the partner being cheated on. If neither of you respected the previous relationship, how can you expect to respect the new one?
You are neither a kid nor do you have either a quota or a deadline to get something done. Take your time and enjoy the company. Sometimes a good conversationalist is better than a complicated, drama-filled, one night stand. Always be a Caballero, not because women expect you to be one, but because you expect it from yourself. And always remember that Karma tends to be a vengeful lady with a really good memory, horrible timing, and even sharper stiletto heels.