Wilkine Brutus on the recent K-Pop scandal and the need to end slut-shaming.
“I want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed.” -Ludacris (music artist/actor)
So you’ve stashed a few compromising photos of your ex-girlfriend in your digital vault. You’re a heterosexual man; a man with publishing power, you’ve no qualms about addressing your personal gripe in a very public way. And once you unleash the photos from your bold grip, you will feel gratified.
This release will feel better than the orgasms you used to enjoy with her.
And behind your anonymity bares your bloated power and arrogance which stems from your distorted assumption that once her body is exposed for the world to see, she will be perceived as the slut that you’ve always wanted her to be.
Oh sure, why else would you feel confident to slut-shame her? Perhaps that’s a bit far-reaching, but I see no other reason why one would harbor such feelings. And why not take advantage of the male privilege, which is aided by competitive women who also slut-shame women? The deck wasn’t stacked against you, so it seemed.
But your attempt to character assassinate, my fellow man, has backfired.
You failed to realize that the humans of the world are constantly challenging themselves by delineating accountability; in other words, men and women saw right through your bullshit.
The nude photos of Ailee published around the world was supposed to make her out to look, and be solely defined as, promiscuous, reckless, and disposable. Without her consent, you’ve attempted to add to the normalization of the unfair judging and controlling of a woman’s body, or at least the attempt to shame and ridicule the very nakedness of her existence.
This is against the guy code, my fellow man: thoughtful men do not seek out to victimize women. And although we’re constantly reevaluating what it means to be a man, we should never dehumanize women or other men in the process. It hurts. It’s painful to the ones unprepared to receive your selfish blow to their personal freedom.
Slut-shaming is a violation of the guy code.
What are the guy codes? some may ask. A man urinating, for example, right next to another man with 30 other open stalls is an utter violation of a guy code. It’s awkward.
Codes are breakable guides; I should probably say you’ve broken the human code. It isn’t unfathomable to suggest that your actions were viciously inhumane because everyone wants to exercise their agency.
And yes, some took the sexual bait. The trolls, despite her overwhelming amount of support, slut/victim-blamed her for taking the nude photos. Some even questioned her past as being “sexually suspect” as if that justified the right to publish her photos. They completely disregarded the lack of permission or consent, as they always do.
There is a code of conduct, a golden rule that is measured by thoughtful men and women. Each social conduct is subjective, open to interpretation. Nonetheless…
Men who break rules with no positive outcome are like a disease trying to wipe civilization off the map; Men who make their own rules while moving civilization forward are the cure we desperately need.
Slut-shaming is against the guy code.
Now…let’s all get naked.
–Originally published on The Vanguard Element
–Photo: ptofnoretrn77/Flickr
If you wanna be & stay happy, MARRY A SLUT!
Better than some deceitful chick that is all about appearances as a prim matronly type…..THOSE are the heart-breakers, if you’re dumb enough to have one…
With sluts, you always know where ya stand…and the sex is WAY better!
Zeus, you’ve effectively pigeon holed women into clear catagories. However, women are multi-deminsional people capable of being sexual, enjoying sex, even having wild sex, and not be a “slut”. Please stop calling women “sluts”. Recongnize that women are sexual creatures and that ther is no way you or any other person can effectivel communicate who a person is or what their sexuality is through degenerating titles like “slut”.
While I’m not an expert on the guy code, this article does highlight some great points about revealing intimate pictures as a way to control, judge and shame that person as well as the obvious which few people seem to consider, all of this is done without consent, a virtual gang bang/rape almost
Selina, “a virtual gang bang/rape almost”…well said. This showcases the different rules we make for ourselves when it comes to the internet vs our own lives and how easily we seperate ourselves from what we do online. I wonder how long that convergence will take before both sides of that ehtical wall ware down.
@Erin what exactly do you not imagine that I,whose sexual identity was stolen and still hasn’t been returned,wouldn’t know about slutshaming? If whitemen are viewed as wanting sex all the time,for men of color,well…everybody knows blackguys are sluts for white pussy.You know as well as I do both blackmen and women have been protrayed as hypersexual,slutty,bestial, sexual deviates in American culture.
OK…let’s clear the air here, so we can think straight. First, there’s no such thing as “the guy code”. Doesn’t exist. Sorry. Second, anybody who is shaming anyone else for fun and/or profit is breaking “The MENSCH Code”. http://judaism.about.com/od/glossary/g/whatisamensch.htm That non-mesnch category would include this guy Daniel Lee who apparently published his ex-gf’s Ailee’s nude pics on the net without her permission, and former sorority queen Rebecca Martinson, who has just gotten a job as a columnist for VICE magazine. http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-deranged-sorority-girl-email-you-will-ever-read So…it’s not about guys…it’s not about a guy code…and it’s not particularly about slut shaming. Slut shaming is just… Read more »
If in fact, this went down as you say, I’m behind you 100%! It’s just that after Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, with their ‘Leaked’ videotapes, I’ve just become skeptical. It makes me sad to feel this way. This young woman might have very well been violated in the sense that something she shared privately with a love interest has been posted for the whole world to see, and that bothers me, but then the voice in the back of my head says”Remember Paris and Kim”!
@ bobbt That wasn’t nearly as bad as the Farrah Abraham debacle, but not only was the tape not leaked, not only did she lie about it and get paid for it, but she also chose to be a complete jerk about it. It’s ironic when the (professional) porn star is publicly considered the classy one. People criticized her for having a large vagina implying that she’s had lots of sex. She didn’t help herself by claiming that James Deen was too small. That just made people say that if a porn star couldn’t satisfy her it must prove our… Read more »
This reminded me of what Kathleen Parker said in her book ‘Save the Males’ . “The first wave of Feminist gave us the vote. The second wave of feminist got us out of the Kitchen. The third wave of feminist mad us ‘Porn Stars’.
Whether you want to doubt this specific situation or not is up to you. However, there are a ton of regular women that become victims to ex boyfriends or simply immature boys and men sharing photos and video they previously promise would be personal.
How about we focus on that issue instead of making this a gossip column about TV personalities.
Hi Wilkine. Thanks for addressing a pretty serious issue that befall many people in the freedom of the digital age. I’ve read a recent article about how “revenage porn” is really growing quickly and perversly. For those who don’t know what “revenage porn” is, it’s when a person posts a pictuure or video that is sexual without the consent of the other person. It’s been reported that men usually target women in this more so then vice versa. Unfortunately, putting a stop to such a thing is really difficult. The fact is people have no clue if the videos or… Read more »
I wonder how many people who criticized him for posting the pictures then went out and looked for them.
Sluts are like popsicles,they exist in a variety of flavors.As with most things the simple can’t define who is or who isn’t a slut.Nor does it suffice as a device for explaning who does or doesn’t get shamed.Some guys do get shamed,some guys don’t.Some women do,some don’t.Some women,like some men, build wealth and fame being sluts.I don’t think Jenna Jameson cares if somebody thinks she is a slut.Besides, this whole slutshaming propaganda is a suburban white middle class female issue,isn’t it.The point being,every woman doesn’t feel as suburban middleclass white women do on this issue.
@ ogwriter I think men and women slut shame and they do so for different reasons. Men probably slut shame to warn other men and remind themselves that this woman is not marriage material. Don’t get emotionally involved. Shes just there for physical pleasure. I think women probably slut shame because the existence of sluts reduces the value if the potential sex they can offer to a future partner. If a man can get sex easily from another woman, he is less apt to want to wait for her. She can’t extract as many concessions from him kind of like… Read more »
@John Gottman I am not saying that it doesn’t happen.I disagree that it prevails in culture to the extent that is usually discussed,My point being is that the discussion and our understanding of it is compromised by a single dominant perspective.
Actually ogwriter, the shaming of women for their sexuality is about as old as time and crosses social, race and economic groups. This is not just a a suburban white middle class female issue. This is an every female issue since you could probably ask every female of every face and economic level if they have experienced shaming for their sexuality and the answer will 9 times out of 10, be yes.
@ Erin I can’t speak for all women or all men.I can look at what various groups,some I know more than others,prioritize as issues.For me that is a better bell-whether of what other people think is important to them than an opinion from the outside.This idea of slutshaming and slutwalks originated with middleclass white women.Many black feminists clearly don’t identify this issue as a priority.You may think it is important to every woman but you couldn’t possibly know if they do.Do you have proof otherwise?
What proof are you looking for me to produce? Especially in the face of you producing actually no proof yourself except for your written word. Your written word is good enough but mine isn’t? It’s not lost on me how you’ve asked me for proof when you’ve stipulated no such regulation for yourself. The shaming of women for their sexuality is as old as time. And it is not regulated to middle class white women. I am acutally stunned that anyone would even believe this considering that across nations, social, race and economic groups, shaming women about their sexuality and… Read more »
What does this even mean? Are you saying it’s wrong to post photos of your naked girlfriend, for obvious cowardly reasons, but then saying nobody cares? I’m not even going to elaborate on how delusional it is to presume “guy code” revolves around anything but securing and conquering pussy, but its ironically the same kind of shallow thinking that makes pissing next to another dude awkward as it is for the public to view naked women, or celebrities in this case as sluts. I don’t even know who Ailee is. Seems like a lovely girl, hot by all accounts and… Read more »
It’s not a matter of feeling bad about being naked. It’s about not wanting to be naked possibly infront of the whole internet and there is absolutely nothign wrong with not wanting to be naked infront of the whole internet. This doesn’t make you a “prude” or controlled by other out-dated modes of society.
You fail to acknowledge that he is refering to men who post pictures of exes without their consent. Consent should be madetory in all matters. Even in the posting of pictures of someone who is or isn’t naked.