Question: I want more children and my husband wants a vasectomy. Who has the power to make the final decision Allana?
Answer: It sounds like you two are really at an impasse, a stand off, each pitted against one another. I imagine each of you feel very strongly about your point of you and your opinion. And yet I also imagine that either of you feel very heard by the other, not very understood or considered, not a lot of empathy flowing through your relationship, yes? Downright pissed off?
Personally, I don’t think either person has Vito power to make the final decision. You are two adults and have chosen to come together in an interdependent relationship where both people’s truth matters.
It would be helpful to put down your weapons and go for a walk in a park and remind the two of you that you’re on the same team, to remind each other what you’re aligned on, to remember what you love about your relationship, about parenting, about your children.
It would be supportive if you found a beautiful bench to sit on together and take a few deep cleansing breaths… while each of you suspended your point of view for a moment, and really got into the others world. Really understand the feelings behind the preferences. Get curious about the emotions and the concerns and the fears… be an impeccable listener. Release your desire to dominate or control and instead make it your intention that you discover something you’ve never considered before… As you listen without judgment.
If each of you can do this, I have a feeling you can come to a deeper compassionate understanding of both people’s point of view, and there could be a path that creates a win-win solution for both of you, perhaps something neither of you have even considered.
Remember a child doesn’t want to come into a world where one parent wants them and the other doesn’t…
What would it take for both of you to feel at peace with more children, what would it take for both of you to feel at peace with no more children?
As you learn more about the other and really respect each other’s truth, the path will reveal itself.
Forgive me, but I doubt this is the first time you’ve had this kind of disagreement, yes? Is it possible that having healthy compromise and honoring negotiation is an area of your marriage that might be in need of some growth and evolution?
You’ll be getting this video right in time for you to join a complementary relationship workshop that I’m putting on for my community that helps you make that deeper soul connection so that people feel seen and understood and can enjoy rich intimacy and conscious partnership.
It’s a series of four videos that begins on April 3 so you want to register right away so that you can watch the videos and be invited to the private Facebook group.
You can register now at www.allanapratt.com/soul-shaking.
You will learn many ways to navigate intense emotions, stay present with your heart open, soothe yourself so that you can listen with respect, so that conflicts resolved and connection grows.
However given this is such an important issue and the two of you are at polar opposite’s… what might be a better fit is for you to apply for couples counseling with me. When people are a 10 out of 10 ready to move forward and they know they’d like me to be there coach and counselor, they apply for a complementary session to see if there a fit for me to invite them to work with me.
You can apply now at www.allanapratt.com/connect.
There’s nothing wrong with conflict in marriages, yet it’s how we handle the conflict that determines whether we slowly Pickaway and destroy the connection, or if we can keep our hearts open and grow and respect and strengthen the marriage over time.
I look forward to being a catalyst to facilitate not only resolution in this issue, but your marriage stronger than ever…
Those kids deserve it 🙂
All my love, Allana XOXO
p.s. Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection.
Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com
Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now.
Enjoy your “Vulnerability is the New Sexy” Complementary Training at www.AllanaPratt.com