I am not presenting these as my original work. These are “funny”* little things that I’ve accumulated over time, heard, or read. There is no original author to attribute them to.
- *Your opinion of “funny” may vary
. . .
Why aren’t koala bears considered true bears?
They don’t have the koalafications.
. . .
Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they’d be bagels.
. . .
Why did they call a time out in the leper hockey game?
Because they had a face off in the corner!
. . .
I was going to tell you a time traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.
. . .
When is a joke a Dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent.
. . .
A snail was tired of being slow, so he bought a sports car and painted a big “S” on the side.
When people saw him zooming past they’d say, “Hey, look at that S-car go!”
. . .
What do you call a Pirate with 2 hands and 2 legs?
A beginner
. . .
What do you call a Pirate with no hands and no legs?
bob
. . .
Why do mommy kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because the kids want to play inside.
. . .
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator
. . .
Why don’t people eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
. . .
How does a farmer count his cows?
With a cowculator
. . .
Do you know how to bake toilet paper?
No, but I can brown it on one side.
. . .
8 year old boy joke: Why was Tigger in the bathroom?
He was Looking for Poo.
. . .
Did anyone hear that Apple was thinking about manufacturing cars?
They couldn’t sell them because they didn’t have windows.
. . .
What’s a mennonite’s favorite kind of raisin??
A Barn Raisin’
. . .
What did the mama buffalo say to her baby?
Bye son.
. . .
Did you hear about the duck with the drug problem?
He was a quackhead.
. . .
Another duck joke. Why are ducks bad drivers?
Because their windshields are quacked!
. . .
Ok, last one. Why don’t ducks tell jokes when they are flying?
Because they would quack up!
. . .
If you’re American in the bedroom, what are you in the bathroom?
European
. . .
You can tune a piano, but you can’t tune a fish!
. . .
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese
. . .
What if the hokey pokey IS what it’s all about?
. . .
What do you have when you put four ducks in a crate?
A box of quackers
. . .
Why was the youngster staring intently at the orange juice container?
It said “concentrate.”
—
This post was previously published on Writers’ Blokke.
***
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