Eric Jensen and Ralph Fernandez de Castro knock down the myth that moms are always the go to caregiver for kids by battling a life threatening health condition with their sons.
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Eric Jensen and Ralph Fernandez de Castro are two dads on a mission. They’re hell bent on making sure their sons who live with multiple life threatening food allergies stay alive, live seamlessly with their conditions and thrive in spite of them. With almost 6 million children in the Unites States having life threatening food allergies (and rising), moms aren’t the only parents who are stepping up to the plate to take care of their kids’ health.
Both Eric and Ralph have wives; but, they’ve decided to make it their personal missions to become the CEO’s of their sons’ healthcare. They’ve educated themselves and gotten involved as advocates to educate the public, serve as support group leaders and volunteer as walk chairs to benefit research for a cure.
Ralph has three children with one that outgrew food allergies. Unfortunately, his 12 year old son hasn’t grown out them yet, so the journey continues. Dealing with a severe peanut allergy coupled with tree nut allergies keeps him on his toes. Ralph spoke of attending a party years ago when his son was about 3 years old. The barbecue sauce had some kind of peanut base and ….you guessed it….his son went into anaphylaxis. He’d not been diagnosed previously, but Ralph recalled the chaos and panic of the day as parental instincts kicked in. He rushed his son to the ER, bursting through the doors with him in his arms. As they walked in and told the nurses what happened, the hospital staff immediately dropped everything and whisked him away. Ralph said this was the moment his whole life changed because in a case like this, you realize minutes are all you have. Lack of oxygen to the brain can be fatal and cardiac arrest is a concern as well.
Ralph then became passionate about educating himself. His son went to a peanut free school but he was sure not to allow himself to gain a false sense of security since the world is not peanut free. He understands his son’s emotions, but doesn’t want him to have a pity party. He stresses this gives them perspective that all people have difficulties and his son has to understand his own health. He does however, know the law is the law and his son has rights worth fighting for.
With Ralph’s son now in middle school, they deal with peanut butter being served. His son has learned to self-manage. Even though the school is supportive and accommodating, Ralph knows not everyone his son will encounter will be. When I asked him why he’s taken on this mission and not left it to his wife (the stereotypical way), he said “His battle is my battle too…..I try to live by example and though he does struggle emotionally sometimes but we have hope.” Ralph admits they once had to switch schools because the culture did not agree with their lifestyle and he had to make a tough decision for his son’s benefit. Ralph is determined to continue being vocal because food allergies are real and they are as much a part of life as any other health condition. As a runner who trains people for marathons, all along the way he makes sure people know he is a food allergy dad and WE ALL need to be educated. He’s heard stories of people getting into fights over the food allergy issue and witnessed a heated incident himself. He knows how emotionally charged this can be but made sure they knew fighting never is and never will be the solution. IT’S JUST FOOD and we can all figure out a way around dealing with it. Ralph stands by this mantra which stops him from being overly worried about the condition his son has “you can’t worry so much you sacrifice the present moment because of fears of the future.” This allows him to take each day as it comes while being vigilant about his son’s health and continuing to educate people.
Eric Jenson’s son at just 7 years old is still in the “parental protection” phase of his life. Most of what he does is under the watchful eye of mom and dad as well as their support network of family and friends. When we talked about trust, Eric was comfortable about the support they had from others – even friends who hosted their son at a sleepover. The host parents were accommodating, asking questions and they were even prepared to take prepared food from Eric if necessary. Sadly, this is not the case with many families and a lot of food allergic kids don’t get an opportunity to have sleepovers.
Eric has not really had to deal with a severe anaphylactic reaction as yet and expressed some concern about how things will change when his son gets older. His son, at age 7, is not self-carrying his medications and Eric himself admitted he has fears about administering the medication. Though I personally have had to administer the medication which comes in an auto-injectable needle to my own daughter 6 times, it is terrifying every time. You always question “is this it” but know that it is better to inject and save their life than to not inject and risk it.
The one thing that bothers Eric the most is how the symptoms of anaphylaxis can change for people. With his son, the symptoms have shifted from respiratory to gastrointestinal. This leaves him wondering how he can be sure if it’s the right time to administer the life- saving medication should his son ever go into anaphylaxis. He knows the signs and he’s been trained, but the moment of truth for him would be IF it ever happens before his son ages out of the parental protection phase. Being the super dad I know he is, Eric’s fears would disappear to make sure his son remained safe.
Food allergy kids usually muddle through just like every other kid dealing with things as they come until they gain an awareness of self that says “Hey, I’m a little different.” When this happens, as parents we begin to think more of their emotional health than ever before. Eric’s son is now starting to feel like he doesn’t want people to talk about his food allergies all the time and wishes he could try other things. This has made Eric begin to realize it’s time to plan for the teenage years. In many families mom is the protector and dad the preparer but in Eric’s house it’s the opposite so he’s thinking a lot about the future. Eric does want people to know they are not alone in this fight, they should get used to asking questions and know all of the signs. Above all he says “I gotta’ hold on to hope that he’ll outgrow this because hope is all I have.”
Both of these dads are doing a bang up job and will continue their efforts every day. They too will join me and many others March 31 for Love Remembers Day to celebrate the legacy of those lost and also during food allergy awareness week in May.
Photo: Familymrw/Flickr
