Dating Experts Everywhere Weigh In: GOOD MORNING TEXTS
Good morning texts have been a hotly debated topic of conversation since cell phones became commonplace. Having easy, instant access to anyone in your phone brought about untold numbers of new social rules and expectations. These extend to familial and business relationships alike. Those relationships are generally easier to navigate than romantic relationships so here we are.
The good morning text can cause a ton of anxiety. Will it be well received? Will I look clingy or insecure if I reach out first? Will I look too eager or will my text seem dry? If you think about this question for too long it can drive you mad.
For decades we all heard about the 3 day rule. This rule advised men that after a proper date, you wait three days to call her again. It is supposed to give you and her time to think about the date and decide whether you really want to see each other again after the initial excitement fades. At the same time it gives the, usually over eager, guy a guideline to follow so he can breath and slow down so he doesn’t run her off.
Whether a good morning text is appropriate or not depends on a variety of factors. The simplest way to address the issue is to break it down into two main categories; early dating and long term relationship. Let’s start with the most common dilemma, early dating
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EARLY DATING:
This section will all boil down to a simple statement. Don’t treat someone you just met, no matter how infatuated you are with them, the same way you would treat a long term romantic partner. It’s wildly inappropriate. You are just getting to know each other. This process takes months, even years. Skipping steps will scream insecurity.
A person who is worth anything would not immediately want to jump into a relationship with a stranger. If they do, it means one of two things. Either they are desperate for attention, and you just happened to show them some, so they want to lock you down, or they don’t take relationships very seriously to begin with so it doesn’t matter that they don’t know you at all because commitment is just lip service to them anyway. With either case, the relationship will be doomed from the start.
The only time you should send a text the next morning after a date is if you had sex the night before. Be a gentleman. Tell her, in your own genuine words, that you had an amazing time and you look forward to seeing her again soon. If you didn’t sleep together, just go about your day until she reaches out or you decide to call her to ask her out on another date.
Good morning texts are for long term relationships only. No time in history did an unmarried couple talk to each other every morning and then again all day long. You should have better things to do. If you don’t have better things to do, what kind of boring life would you be trying to trap her into anyway? Scoot, go be great.
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RELATIONSHIP PHASE:
Okay but RT, we are in a relationship, can I send them now? Ask yourself why do you want to start sending them if you haven’t been already? What is the purpose? Are you being insecure and reaching out so she feels obligated to respond? Depending on your honest answer to those questions, you will know what to do.
My best advice in this regard is to wait for her to ask for it, or mention it in someway. If she shows you a cute tiktok or meme about waking up to a text, she’s telling you she would like to receive them. So listen to your partner and give them to her. Make them genuine and sweet and honest. Don’t immediately start sending them every morning because it will become expected and boring but do it often enough so she feels the love.
Your goal in a relationship is to give to one another. To give what makes the other feel heard and feel loved. If she doesn’t want sweet good morning texts, then don’t waste your time and energy. Give her the things she actually wants and pay attention as those things naturally change over time.
BOTTOM LINE:
The bottom line is this; relationships take time and effort from two people to build. Let them unfold naturally and don’t skip steps. By that I mean, don’t go out on one or two dates and then start texting her every morning as if you’re in a relationship. It’s awkward. It puts an immense amount of pressure on something fragile. You wouldn’t try to build a tree house in an oak sapling, would you? You’d crush it!
Take your time. Enjoy the ride of getting to know one another. Once you are in an established relationship, listen to her needs, experiment with different ways of showing love and appreciation. I promise, she will tell you what she likes and you will see what she doesn’t like. Be flexible with each other. A lifetime together comes with immense change. Maybe she didn’t care for flowers in the beginning but now she loves them. Get her the flowers! Don’t stay stuck in the past, grow together.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Dr. Terrence Underwood on Unsplash
