Dating After Divorce: 3 Essential Mindset Shifts for Finding Real Connection (and Fun)

Why Dating After Divorce Feels So Disorienting

When you’ve spent the past 2+ decades married, it’s hard to know where to find single women anymore.

Everyone in your pre-divorce friend group was married.

You don’t want to rely on dating apps — those didn’t really exist when you were dating before.

You were successful in your career and your divorce was expensive — you don’t want to make the same mistakes

So… When you’re dating after divorce, where do you meet age-appropriate, growth-oriented, mature single women, IRL?

And if you’re honest, you quietly want to have some fun — you’re not ready to settle down again.

Is it even okay to want that, you wonder?

The Data Is on Your Side

The good news is: the numbers are in your favor. Data shows that for divorced men over 50, about 40% will remarry or repartner within a decade, while only 25% of women find partners.

And, yes, it’s actually recommended to take your time when dating after divorce, live on your own, and have some fun — as long as you’re upfront about what you’re available for.

You can find, for example, women who are also recovering from divorce and not ready to settle down.

And comforting each other with touch and light-hearted time together is sometimes just what both of you need.

The #1 Mindset Shift for Men Dating After Divorce

The name of the game today, though, is transparency and honesty. Out with playing games and avoiding directness like we were all taught, back in the day.

That’s the first new dating skill you’d be wise to learn, if you want a woman with a growth mindset.

Meanwhile, once you know where to find single women, you might notice that the actual reality of going from ‘hello’ to ‘should we get a room?’ sounds a little intimidating.

“My ex threw everything at me in the divorce, on top of years of criticism, and my confidence is in the gutter. The years of sexless marriage didn’t help either,” the men I work with tell me regularly.

Not only is your dating game a bit rusty — you might quietly wonder how you measure up as a lover, too.

Plus, you’re not sure that women like or desire men anymore, and you don’t want to hurt anyone.

It’s true that dating today is more of a minefield than ever, and it will test your very mettle. From bots and scams to constant ghosting and inevitable rejections, it’s a rollercoaster of hope and desire mixed with frustration and fear.

Here’s the way out: stay focused on what you know really matters.

3 Skills That Make You Irresistible When Dating After Divorce

As a former scientist, I like to call it the ‘hardware vs software’ mentality.

While the standard dating advice when you were younger focused entirely on ‘hardware’ — ie: is she pretty, do you have similar hobbies, does this relationship bring you status…

What you learned the hard way is that the ‘software’ is exponentially more important in a relationship: emotional stability, growth mindset, communication skills, approach to sexuality, approach to money…just to name a few.

But how do you stay focused on ‘software’ in dating — in the thrill of desire?

I teach it in 3 steps: