I’ve been a stutterer ever since I could remember.
It made me the target of bullying and it made life pretty hard for me, so much my mother had to intervene.
However, her heartfelt intervention caused anxiety in me.
Everytime it came to order something at a restaurant or for me to tell a story during a party, I’d choke up and she’d have to continue for me. I’m so happy I can email/text/chat, something that 21st century stutterers take advantage of.
I prefer these modes of communication over a phone call or Zoom.
Stuttering is more prevalent in boys, so it’s rarer for females to have this. Usually children with speech disfluency will outgrow it and speak normally once they are grown up.
However, a percentage of kids become adults who stutter.
Stuttering adults face not only communication issues but anxiety and anger, as well.
-Anxiety because speaking to total strangers who don’t know them well, can cause speech to become bumpy and worse than usual. It may cause the stutterer to feel humiliated or embarrassed.
-Anger at others for not understanding well enough or anger directed at ourselves for stuttering.
However, no one in my immediate or extended family has a speech impediment. Thus it can’t be genetic, a child does not end up with some odd mutation without anyone else in the gene pool having it as well.
However, after doing some research, it;’s likely that this was caused by environmental factors. Stressful childhoods can be a cause of children developing this issue.
Mine was tumultuous. Lost alcoholic father twice: once through divorce and then a second time through death. Moving a lot, afterwards, as well as being bullied.
Mother was emotionally immature, so not connected to me emotionally. She was controlling and critical, but no surprise being an adult child of an alcoholic (who often have control issues and critical inner voices)
I tried speech therapy twice. Once as a kid and then once as a teenager. Neither time was successful. I got braces as a teenager (twice) and that didn’t seem to help either. I almost had jaw surgery to help correct it, but backed out at the last minute.They’d have to pull all four wisdom teeth, even though they were fully through the gum and upright.
Being a stutterer has some pros:
-we’re good at listening/learning (when people talk a lot, they’re not receptive or observant)
-we’re good at written/visual communication methods, like storytelling (whether it’s nonfiction or fiction), drawing, painting or making movies. We might be good at physical communication like dancing or martial arts, too.
-Not to mention, we’re good at using technology to communicate.
Remind us of this if/when we feel down about our stutter!
Some ideas to help communication between you and a partner who stutters:
-use text or email to ‘talk’
-be patient with them
-don’t focus on how they say something, but rather on what they are saying
-don’t interrupt them, please!
-get educated.
*There are books, blogs, podcasts, ebooks, and Youtube channels to help understand stuttering. Your partner will be impressed you’re taking time to get some background information and are accepting of it. It also might lower their anxiety and help them feel comfortable with you.
-don’t make fun of them either! They were at worst, bullied enough as a kid or at best, teased by friends/cousins. They don’t need people to point fingers at them and laugh.
-don’t suggest they sing, or get therapy, or take meds. They’ve very likely have tried everything in their power to help themselves. Besides, it really is up to them if they want to get help in some way-not you.
-don’t pity us. Stuttering is just one layer of who we are. We don’t define ourselves by our stutter and neither should you. We’re a hodgepodge of amazing things just like you are.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
 |
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock.com
