Dating Faux Pas: What Not To Do if You Want a Third Date

I had a really lovely first date with this guy, so much so that we decided to see each other again only a few days later.

Normally, I like to wait about a week before meeting up again (schedules are usually busy anyway), but he was heading out of town the week following, so I thought it would be a good idea to keep the momentum going.

We decided to go to this ping pong bar. It was really busy with blaring music and neon lights. It wasn’t my typical choice of environment, but it was nice to do something different.

We played a few rounds and had some flirty banter back and forth. After, we sat around the bar area and talked. There were so many people around—it wasn’t the most romantic environment.

At this point in the night, I wasn’t sure how I was feeling about him. The first date had been really fun and easy. The conversation had flowed naturally. We had even kissed as he walked me to the bus station.

But now, it didn’t seem as natural. I couldn’t pinpoint it exactly: it was just a feeling.

He excused himself to the toilet and when he came back, he just came up to me, grabbed my face, and kissed me, completely out of nowhere. I was so taken aback; I didn’t really know what to do. He sat down and said, “I’d been wanting to do that all night.”

I thought, well, I didn’t? I didn’t really know what to say back, so I just awkwardly sipped my drink and changed the conversation.

We ended up going to another bar after. He tried to make conversation with a few people around us and I could tell they didn’t want to engage. A mini dance floor started and he got up and danced. I’m more on the shy-introverted side so this was quickly becoming my worst nightmare.

I said I had to go home, and he walked me back to my stop again. On the way, he told me he really liked me. He told me he’d been chatting to another girl on the app but he let her know he met someone and wanted to focus on me—after our first date.

I didn’t know if I was supposed to be flattered. But instead, I felt cornered. Trapped.

I quickly went in for the hug instead of kiss when we parted and called a friend on my way home to debrief.

We texted when we both got home and he then asked me another question but I fell asleep and didn’t respond. I still hadn’t answered his message by about 11 a.m. the next morning when he sent me another text: Hey beautiful, how are you? Did you have fun?

I was a little bit irritated that he texted again even though I hadn’t answered his last message, but I responded that I did have a nice time, and thank you for taking me out. I still wasn’t totally sure how I felt so I wanted to have some space before ending it or choosing to continue.

Do you want to see me again before I go away? He asked.

Okay, this guy wants answers, I thought to myself. I said I wasn’t sure whether I’d be able to meet up before I go—things were busy this week—but I hoped he had a good time away and we’d touch base when he got back.

He messaged that was no problem and now he had something to look forward to when he got back. He also said to let him know if there was anything he could do to alleviate my stress.

Weird, I thought.

I didn’t answer that message and a few hours later, I got another text about how he still owes me another round of drinks.

He triple texted again after that message a photo of something he was doing when I still hadn’t responded.

This guy was digging himself into holes…

I’m all for not playing by the rules in love, but double texting is a huge turn-off early on in dating.

“A good rule of thumb is to send just one message, and not send another one until she responds,” says relationship coach Tara Blair Ball.

My mistake was that I was being a little bit too indirect, I admit. I should have been more upfront and said I didn’t want to see him. But I had thought maybe I’d give it one last go (before he kept texting).

Finally, I did message to say that while I enjoyed our dates, I didn’t see us continuing and wished him all the best.

I wondered, if I did like him, would these things have annoyed me? Or would anyone be irritated by the persistent messaging, by the out-of-nowhere-kiss?

Did this guy self-sabotage our romantic connection by not playing it cool? Or was I just not into him?

I’m not sure. Out of all of this though, the biggest flag for me was telling me that he had turned down other dates to focus on me after just one date.

He didn’t know me enough to know that he wanted to date only me. And if he did, it was way too soon for him to be telling me that information.

In dating, it’s absolutely okay to feel whatever we feel. But it’s also important to pause, take it slow, keep our options open until we really know who the person is in the seat across from us.

I didn’t know who many of my previous partners truly were until months into our relationship.

I was also not a huge fan of the impromptu kiss in an open bar when I hadn’t given any signals that I wanted to. I wish I’d said something in the moment, and maybe that’s my lesson—to not be afraid to say no and be clear about what I’m comfortable with.

Dating is hard. We’re all just out here trying to find our person. No one really knows what they’re doing.

But I do think there are certain faux pas that might make someone run away after the first or second date.

I’m curious, what are your dating faux pas? What have been your biggest turn-offs? Share in the comments!

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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