Can you imagine what your life would look like if you could recapture the confidence and creativity you had when you were four, bridled only by the values and morals you’ve developed as an adult?
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If an alien race were to come down and study our culture, what do you think they would learn about men? Perhaps they would look at our action movies and assume that men are violent, emotionless, predatory, and aggressive. Or they could look at many of our campaigns and headlines, and assume the same thing. Our movies and media rhetoric sell this story all the time; but it’s not true. Okay, yes, some men are violent, emotionless, predatory and aggressive, but so are some women; these are the exception rather than the rule.
Most boys don’t come prepackaged with the intent to harm others. I’ve given birth to four of them and I can tell you what is built-in though. Boys come with emotions, perceptions, and determination—just like girls. They cry when their caregivers cry. They feel, and they feel deeply. Emotions are not limited to one half of the population.
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If you taught yourself to ignore your emotions when you were a boy, you might not believe me, but it’s true. Somewhere, deep inside, you have feelings as rich and vibrant and powerful as anyone else on this planet. You have wants and wishes; hurt and shame.
The greatest creature anywhere on the planet, I’m convinced, is a four-year-old child. They’ve made enough sense of the world to basically know how to survive. They can eat, get dressed, communicate, use the bathroom, etc, but often they haven’t been tainted by inhibition yet.
My current four-year-old (I’ve had three others) plays for hours every day with the same set of white blocks. Those blocks become a different set of toys and a different world for him to immerse himself in every single day.
Today, they’re transformers:
I’m a high school teacher by trade and I can tell you that no one, male or female, escapes junior high unscathed. We all leave scarred and inhibited to varying degrees. All you have to do is compare bus stops to see the change. An elementary school bus stop has kids running, laughing and playing; and often a few frazzled parents trying to make sure no one gets hit by a passing car in the process. Most junior high and high school bus stops are silent. Even kids who have been friends for years barely acknowledge each other.
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Can you imagine what your life would look like if you could recapture all the confidence and creativity you had when you were four, bridled only by the values and morals you’ve developed as an adult? Who would you be if you could peel away the layers of hurt and shame that have locked up your tender soul?
I’ll tell you who you’d be. You’d be the kind of man you would love and be proud of. You’d be the kind of man others respect and want to be around. You’d be the kind of man who could make his wishes come true—because you’d be able to pick yourself up when you fall and imagine your way through your challenges.
So what’s stopping you? What is preventing you from releasing your inner child and unbridling your potential? What would it take to get back all the confidence and creativity you had when you were four?
Please tell me in the comments, anonymously if you want, so I can research and attempt to address whatever’s holding you back in future articles.
You only have one life; and I want you to love it.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStockphoto
I don’t remember a whole lot from when I was four – I did have my first birthday though!! LOL This was a great exercise in rethinking childhood. I was creative and loved to write and within the fast few years I began creating once again! There was also more creative time – and I am trying to schedule more time to get away from it all and relax a little, not let things get to me as much, and enjoy life a little more each day. As a child, there is a world of BIG possibilities. I want to… Read more »
That means you have a birthday coming up in a few days, right? Happy Birthday!!
I love that idea of the world of possibilities. As adults, so often we talk ourselves out of possibilities before we even try, don’t we? It sounds like you are dealing with all of this very well though, would you say time and inhibition/insecurity are the two main things for you?
While I do agree with Anthony about the responsibility difference, I must say, I am 27 years old. I have a nice, well-paying job, I recently bought a house but here’s the kicker. I am single and have been all my life. I have taken a path down my life that is a bit different from most people. I am relatively happy but I do believe I would be much happier with someone sharing my life with me. And it’s not for a lack of trying, I usually get “friendzoned” (if that even exists) by the few girls that I… Read more »
I can tell by what you write here that you have a lot to offer a partner. You are optimistic, thoughtful, kind and introspective. It sounds like the number one thing holding you back is fear. You’re afraid you aren’t good looking enough to inspire a passionate/romantic response from a woman, is that right? Since I have no idea what you look like, I obviously can’t contradict you, but most marriages maintain a level of passion and attraction even after their good looks have faded away; and it’s not uncommon for people fall in love with someone they aren’t initially… Read more »
Holy crap Mr. Thor! 90% of what you said describes my 27-year-old self PERFECTLY. Geez, I had to check a couple times to make sure I wasn’t actually reading something I wrote. BTW, what ended up happening was that one of those women I was friends with (not technically in the “friend zone”, because, as I’ve written elsewhere, you’re not really there until you force the issue…and I didn’t with her) for NINE YEARS finally asked, basically, “why haven’t we gotten together?” Next thing you know, we lived together for 4 years, and that’s the coles notes version of my… Read more »
I need a “like” button, Anthony. Your story just made my day. So glad you commented. Are we friends on Twitter or Facebook? Because if not, we should be.
Volumes could be written about this although I think one of the big things to think of is our “But’s”.
Over the years we learn so many “But” responses so every time we think of doing or saying something we have a lot of “buts” that stop us. It’s not even consciously done.
“I want to do this. But this could happen so I won’t”
After reading this, I think one of my goals is to try and get my “buts” and emotional controls back to 4 years old
Thank you Jacques! Great points, and it’s true, when you’re four, anything is possible! In your opinion do our “buts” come more from anxiety/fear, or self-doubt; or all of the above?
Simple. Responsibility. What’s the difference between being a 4-year-old and having a 4-year-old? When you’re a kid, you don’t have anyone depending on you but yourself. When you have kids, if you’re a good person, absolutely everything you are takes a back seat to them. Of course, that doesn’t mean that you can’t still be confident, creative, and in touch with your emotions, but you are limited in a way you weren’t when you were a child. You can’t selfishly take risks that you once could. You can’t be selfish. You can’t “go for broke” in fulfilling your childhood dreams.… Read more »
Great comment, Anthony. Thank you. I imagine most men would agree with you.
If there was a way to invigorate their lives with more childlike energy, without giving up their responsibilities, do you think men would be interested in reading an article about it?
Of course! I suspect that tons of people reading on this site would get something out of it. 😀
Perfect. Thank you so much for your feedback, I really appreciate it!