If you were to look at my social media pages, you would see that I’ve not been shy about my disdain for Trump and his policies. The surprising thing I’ve found from the posts is that people in real life come up to me and say, very quietly “Mark, we’re one of you”. The first time it happened, I didn’t know what that meant – a 50-something, a father, a local – but it quickly became clear that they were also an anti-Trump American. But why did this person speak so softly and not shout from the rafters, yes, Mark, we don’t like Trump either. The answer of which I am becoming more and more convinced is fear.
While speaking out always generates some emotional fear of causing an argument or making a friend angry, this fear feels different. This fear is as much physical as it is emotional. Seeing MAGA republicans at rallies who seem truly angry, who carry guns regularly, who are in influential positions that may cause a real backlash, is truly terrifying. Despite being born in the City of Brotherly Love (Philadelphia), I have worried about ICE agents showing up at my door simply because I frequently speak against Trump publicly. To say the least, I’m not leaving the country on vacation anytime soon.
But why? Why are we afraid to stand up around our friends and family and proclaim that we disagree with the actions of this administration? Sure, there have been large protests and I thank all those that participated. However, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about individually. Why can’t we be at a party or on the street or at the office and simply disagree? Why are we afraid?
I just finished reading two books by Keith Payne, Good Reasonable People and The Broken Ladder. In Good Reasonable People, Payne tries to explain why people remain in the party or group in which they are, even when presented with overwhelming evidence. His answer in a nutshell – and I do recommend reading the book – is that the ideology we believe becomes part of us and giving it up would be like asking one of us to give up a finger or worse. I do understand this even though I had a teacher tell me when I was much younger that “the mark of a truly smart person is the ability to change their opinion when presented with new information.” How many times have you seen a group who had members simply because they wanted to be members? Not because they believed in what the group did.
So this explains the loyalty, it doesn’t explain the reluctance to speak out. I lived around Washington, DC for most of my professional life and I made the joke that you couldn’t throw a rock without hitting someone associated with politics. It could be a lobbyist or a lawyer or someone on a political staff. During this period, however, you could have meaningful conversations about policy and point of view without fear of harm. Fear of attack whether verbal or physical just wasn’t there. It was a simple disagreement and most of the time, we both learned something about the other’s point of view.
Today, however, we live in fear. When we progressives come across someone who’s clearly of a different political ilk, we shy away. We just put the politics in our pocket and return to talking about something else. We don’t even approach the discussion unless we are in a dark blue state or area or event for fear of MAGA retaliation. And, not simply a shouting match – because let’s face it, we could match the MAGA policy for policy – we are in fear for our physical wellbeing. We change the subject or worse, simply agree with them so as not to cause an argument. We spend a lot of time these days talking about the weather. This has to stop.
It is different. We are not talking about how I as a blue want to spend money on this and you as a red want to spend money on that. This is about the American democratic experiment itself. We were watched by the world as the beacon of democratic movements and now we are watched as we slide toward a fascist regime. My father taught me that the only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them. Bullies thrive on the fear generated by their prey. If we don’t find a way to be as loud and proud as the MAGA right, we are going to live in a very different world in a very short time.
Don’t be afraid. A bullies bark is always worse than their bite.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
