Do I Look Like A Nice Person?

I wrote a story recently that received more views and reads than I normally get. I’m glad it did not just because it made me enough money to cover a couple of bills, but because the topic was important. It wasn’t about me. It was about the poor way in which many of those who work menial jobs are treated and thought of in our society.

The man I wrote about was an intake employee at Goodwill. When I dropped off some items he began sharing his frustration with the public and their seeming indifference to him as a human being. Because that’s what it is when you have no respect for fellow human beings. Indifference means that you don’t care about a person or thing. And that’s the message certain members of the public were sending this man.

I didn’t mind listening to him as I wasn’t in a hurry and I gathered he needed someone, anyone, to hear him. And this man needed to be heard. The things he said have given me pause to think. One thing I’ve not been able to dismiss from my thoughts is what caused this man to feel as though he could vent his frustrations to me. I was a stranger who greeted him with nothing other than a smile and a hello, how are you salutation.

Is he of so little value to society as a whole that many of us feel he’s not worth even a rudimentary degree of respect? Is he not worthy of a smile and a few mindless words? I’m thinking more and more maybe to most he isn’t. And I’m realizing there are many more like him.

A couple of weeks ago I was shopping in a favorite department store. I had found an item I wanted for a great price but when I got to the register it rang up for a higher figure. Using my phone, I scanned the item showing the cashier there was a mistake. She shook her head and said, “They make this so hard for us.” What was wrong I had asked her. She explained that of course, I could have the item at the price it had scanned on my phone but she couldn’t always do that. She said the price I saw was an online special but because I was able to show her how it actually appeared on my phone she could sell it for that price, however, that’s not always the case. Customers were confused because sometimes shelf prices weren’t correct, or they see an online figure that is not the same in the store. She blamed the store and the business itself for the discrepancies.

She was right. It’s up to the business to figure out a better way to separate their online specials from those in local stores. Of course, customers are angry and confused. Not everyone has the app on their phone to better plead their case to store employees which puts the employees in a difficult position. This poor woman continued, telling me that the previous day a customer became upset due to an unexpectedly higher register price she was charged for towels. When this cashier told her she was sorry she couldn’t let her have them for the price she had anticipated, the customer threw all of the towels at her, along with other items, hitting her, then walked away.

This cashier wasn’t a young woman. Not as old as I am, but she looked old and tired. The way people appear when they’ve had a hard life. I was troubled to wonder why anyone would throw things at an employee simply ringing up a sale. I’ve had similar experiences in stores when paying for things. Maybe the item was placed on the wrong rack, or a tag wasn’t changed as it should have been. The price at the register was more than I had expected to pay. Was I disappointed? Yes, sometimes even angry, but throwing the item at the employee never crossed my mind. Who thinks like that? Is it because the employee is a convenient target for other frustrations? A small, older woman? Probably not likely she would fight back.

I continued listening as this woman went on saying there were nights when she had mall security walk her to her car because customers became so angry with her that she feared for her personal safety. This is all disturbing to contemplate. I probably shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was.

Maybe more surprising was the fact that this woman went into such detail as she described her fears and frustrations. She reminded me of the Goodwill guy. Did she not have anyone she could share this with other than a stranger? Was it the smile I gave her when I walked up to the register? Or my soft little voice when I asked how she was doing? Why is it so hard to be pleasant and polite? People are valuable, each one of them. It doesn’t matter if they pick up our trash or have millions of dollars.

Of course, I’ve dealt with unpleasant employees in stores, restaurants, etc. I recognize that not everyone is worthy of my time or conversation. People that are supposed to serve us should be friendly and polite. It’s annoying when they aren’t and we can register our displeasure by treating them with indifference, but not rudeness. If necessary complain to management, but let’s not reinforce to these employees that they are right to treat us poorly by treating them similarly. You can be firm and businesslike without being rude.

Yesterday I called a charity I contribute to updating my contact information. When I gave the man I spoke with my mailing address he remarked he had been to my location in North Carolina but was a native of western Pennsylvania. I mentioned I had been to Pittsburg a few years ago in March and it had snowed the entire time. He laughed and we chatted about weather variations in our different areas. When the conversation was concluded the man told me that chatting with me had been the highlight of his day. I believed him because I could hear the happiness in his voice. He was friendly and nice, but I considered this ordinary conversation. Why was our little chat the highlight of his day?

Maybe because most people he speaks with aren’t very nice to him either? We are often in a hurry, barely managing what we must and constrained for time. We are frequently angry or upset due to personal, work, or simply everyday problems and annoyances. But can we consider those who wait on and assist us, regardless of the perceived level of their social standing as equals to us? At the least, they are deserving of the degree of respect we feel we are entitled to, aren’t they?

I’m outgoing by nature and understand many people are not. I’ve also had enough emotional and physical trauma to realize it’s all we can do to make it through some days. We have nothing left over for others. I do think, however, if we can spare a smile when able, maybe even an extra minute, it makes days better for others. And that makes them better for us. It’s called currency in the bank of your soul.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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