Fellas, have you ever found yourself saying “Nah, my girl can’t do that”, or “I would never let my wife do XYZ”? Don’t feel bad, you’re not alone. My man won’t let me do anything either. Not one damn thing. Burlesque? Nope. Tattoo? Not allowed. Girls Night Out? Not a chance. That’s how it rolls in my house.
And as I once heard Aunt Esther from Sanford and Son say, “Fiiiiiiinnnneeeee with me!”
He does not let me do anything because I am a grown ass woman, and he is a grown ass man, and we do not OWN each other. We are not Master and Slave, and this is not a game of “Daddy, May I.” I do not need his permission to do anything other make a big purchase from our joint checking account–and even then, it’s more a discussion than it is me asking for permission.
He does not try to change me. He does not try to stifle my passions, or pass off insecurities as my “desperate need to be ALIVE.” He understands, appreciates, and relishes in the fact that I am my own person, capable of making my own decisions, and wise enough to regard him with respect at all times. So fellas, I ask you to remember this ONE THING as you go forth in your relationship today (or future relationships if you’re not attached):
Your lady does not need your permission to do anything, ever. EVER. I don’t know how much more clear I can be. She is a grown woman who makes a million decisions day in and day out without consulting you. If she has a desire to take a pole dancing class, or take a burlesque class, she doesn’t need to check with you first to “see if you’re okay with it.” If she wants to cut her hair or dye it purple, she doesn’t need your “okay” or your “thumbs up”. What she needs is your support.
She needs you to be her biggest, loudest, most kick ass cheerleader. She needs you to sit front and center at every single show and toss dollar after dollar at her (yes, from that joint checking account), as she shimmies, shakes, and struts across the stage. Clap the hardest. Holler the loudest. BE. HER. CHEERLEADER. Nine times out of ten, while you’re freaking out about “what people will think” or “you’re my girl, and I don’t want other guys seeing what I got,” she is thinking “I need to feel good about myself. I need to feel like a woman. I need a change. I need to feel alive, sexy, strong, confident, SOMETHING.” And if doing something you deem “unacceptable” is what does it for her, then don’t forbid it, follow her lead on it.
Talk to her about it. Ask questions. Explore the decision with her. Get over YOUR hangup because darlin’, it ain’t about you. Your “let and allow” mentality wants to make it about you, but it’s not. She needs your support, your love, your understanding, and your trust. You give her that, you get the world. I guarantee it. And this doesn’t just apply to “risque” things–it applies to anything her heart desires.
Trust her. Love her. Support her. When you do these things, the love flows more freely, the niceties flow more freely, the sex flows more freely. When you do these things, we know you see us, and not the image you’ve created for us to be.
There is no room for let and allow in a relationship, and if you find yourself on the carousel of let and allow, get off your hangups. You just might get off, period.
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