Do This When the Narcissist Starts Stonewalling You

A narcissist’s favorite methods of punishment are

• stonewalling/silent treatments
• the need for “space”
• grey rocking
• ghosting
• initiating NC (no contact)
• discards

…

But most people don’t understand why.

These tactics show up in nearly every relationship they have because they’re also what hurts them the most.

Why?

Because each method involves withholding attention, and your attention is the most valuable currency you can give a narcissist, especially in a relationship.

The attention you give a narcissist comes in many forms

Including but not limited to

• gifts
• compliments
• money
• quality time
• fights/arguments
• genuine love
• sex
• energy

…

All of this is attention.

This is how you feed these energy vampires. This is their currency because attention is love to a narcissist. There is no difference between the two, because both are considered power to a narcissist. The power they have over you.

Attention is their weapon of choice because they were starved of it as children. If you look into a narcissist’s history, they were usually predisposed to abusive parents, friends, family, peers, and/or partners.

These abusers often pulled back kindness, effort, or affection to maintain control, especially once the narcissist felt safe again after an abusive period.

Therefore, the reason the narcissist pulls back from you once you’re comfortable is to beat you to the punch. They withdraw first, driven by fear and control, to prevent you from doing it to them.

They’re afraid you’ll blindside them by pulling away and going cold, either unprovoked or as a result of you gaining clarity after a period of abuse. So their solution is to begin the power play, unprovoked.

Or re-ignite it.

Let’s talk specifically about stonewalling

stone·wall·ing

adjective

1. to delay or block (a request, process, or person) by refusing to answer questions or by giving evasive replies, especially in politics.

Stonewalling is a preferred method of punishment and conditioning among narcissists. The trauma behind being ignored is ceasing to exist to someone while still actively being alive. It’s an emotional optical illusion that ends in all-encompassing pain for the receiver.

It’s an active death and the complete opposite of attention and love — indifference. Even worse than that? It’s an intentional indifference. But there’s an unexpected catch to this strategy when utilized by a narcissist.

By using this strategy on you, they are showing you what strategy will work on them if you want to take your power back. Narcissist hand you the key to their destruction through every maneuver they utilize to destroy you.

The reason you have not noticed this yet is because you’re too busy fighting to function in survival mode to think straight long enough to pay closer attention. Otherwise, you would’ve realized they’ve been exposing their weaknesses to you the whole time.

Yes. All of that withholding

• love
• affection
• attention
• quality time
• intimacy
• communication

…

from you works for them… because it works on them.

You’ve had the answers all along

Have you ever noticed that when you’re the one who’s angry or upset, the rules suddenly change?

Suddenly, they don’t want you to have space or to detach from them, but it’s okay for them to do it to you.

When you don’t want to talk, space is not given, and an argument or a series of texts and emails is sure to follow, each with a varying degree of desperation, rage, and false remorse.

Some of them will even justify the hypocrisy of these crossed boundaries by telling you that —

“We’re two different people.”

No.

The truth is, they can’t handle it when you do to them what they do to you. They don’t want to face the same repercussions you face. They cannot handle those same consequences.

They cannot handle it when you remove

• your attention
• your energy
• your presence
• your intimacy
• your line of communication
• your money
• your time
• your effort
• your empathy

…

It forces them to confront the truth; they are the ones who actually cannot live without you. They need your attention. It’s they who need you more than you ever needed them, even if you don’t yet realize that.

They panic because they know exactly how badly it hurts to be ignored. They’re familiar with that same sense of panic, especially if you do it in response to them ignoring you.

Go silent and ghost when they stonewall you. Keep calm in a narcissistic crisis. Do not chase them at all.

No matter how bad it hurts

• Let them ignore you
• Do not chase them
• Remain silent

…

Especially if they initiated the silent treatment because it will put them in crisis mode, causing them to call their own bluff and reach out. It may take a few minutes, a few hours, or sometimes a few days, but they will always come back. Mark my words.

Watch.

© Linda Sharp 2022. All Rights Reserved.