What if she dumps you to meet other men, and then comes crawling back?
This Letter to Headquarters comes from Kevin. He’s 30, from Decatur, Georgia:
Up until about 3 weeks ago, I was involved in a 3-year relationship with the woman I thought I would be marrying. Then, out of the blue, she canceled the engagement by breaking it off with me one night over the phone. When I asked her why, the only thing she would tell me was that she didn’t feel about me the way that she did at the beginning.
Basically, she said that she loved me but she was not “in love” with me anymore. The whole thing hit me from out of nowhere. I tried to get her to talk about it, and to see if there were any more details as to what happened, but she refused to tell me much more than she already had. Then finally, a few days of me pressuring her for more info made her crack. She told me to stop calling and texting her because it was over—and she wanted to move on with her life and open herself up to meeting other guys.
I was devastated, but I stopped reaching out to her after she told me that. Then, to add insult to injury, I also noticed that she had blocked me off of Twitter and had “unfriended” me on Facebook. But—just last week, right when I had made up my mind to really start to get on with my own life—out of the blue, she started calling and texting me again.
She was saying that she was sorry. She said that when she broke up with me, it was because she was confused and it was all just a big mistake. She said she wasn’t thinking clearly when she ended it, and now she wants us to get back together. But none of this sounds right to me, V.U. What do you think is going on here?
Victory Unlimited writes:
Kevin, you say that your girl dumped you by mistake? Do you really think that’s even possible? Who does that? Seems to me like you just ran into a girl who turned out to be the “Dump Nazi”. The reason I say this is because one day she just unilaterally made a declaration to you that: “This relationship is Over. No love for you!
Now Kevin, I hope you were wearing your gas mask when your flaky ex-girlfriend lobbed that “Lame Excuse Bomb” at you, because what she threw at you to explain her actions wasn’t really an explanation at all. It was actually just a smokescreen—to blind you to what she really did. You see, in scenarios like this, whenever you hear a particular woman throw out the word “confused”, know that she’s using it as camouflage to hide behind so that she can avoid telling you what really happened.
Now I can’t be 100% sure, but I’d say that the odds are that when your girl dumped you—she wasn’t doing it to open herself up to meeting other men. It’s far more likely that she dumped you because she probably already had met another man. You see, despite what you’ve heard, most women don’t usually dump men when they’re confused. Instead, they dump men “after” they’ve already made up their minds. In fact, if I were on leave in Vegas right now, I’d bet that the lady in question had decided to bail out of the relationship a long time ago—she just finally got around to telling yo’ ass about it, recently.
Women who are in long-term relationships with guys don’t generally make major relationship-ending decisions on a whim. No, to the contrary: Their moves are instead very deliberate and very well planned. She probably got bored with you, met a guy that she thought was the BBD (Bigger Better Deal), and then eventually decided to bail out on you. Then what sometimes happens in scenarios like this is that the relationship with the guys that women leave you for don’t work out. Or worse, those guys end up rejecting those women—and that’s when they come running back to you. Most of the time, old girlfriends start trying to get back with you not because they were confused or because they suddenly realized that they love you. No, they probably come running back to you because they think of you as safe, convenient, and desperate to have them back.
Now, you can do what you want. Make any decision that you think is best, but I’m here to tell you that if she could end the relationship once without warning and without provocation—then you know that she could just as easily do it again. Also, don’t minimize how merciless she was when she cut you loose. No sympathy, no explanation, and no real consideration for you at all. Then, on top of that, she blocked you off of all her social media sites as if “you” were the bad guy, or as if “you” no longer existed—like you were dead to her. Ask yourself, Kevin:
Is it wise to take a woman who would treat you this way back into your life on such a close, intimate level?
Understand that as subtle and indirect as most women like to engage in relationship dynamics, you better believe that whenever they do come out and boldly “announce” that they want to break up with you—they usually mean it. Your girl wasn’t confused. You were the only one confused here. You obviously got her confused with a woman who was still really into you.
Here are a three relationship strategies that you should start to live by from this point on:
If you’ve been a good man in a relationship, never try to keep a woman that wants to leave you. Just let her go.
Never take back a woman that has already clearly shown you once before that she doesn’t see your value—and has no fear of losing you.
Whenever you see that a relationship is ending, always try to walk away while you’ve still got your self-respect. Because sometimes, when a woman breaks it off with you, your self-respect may be the only thing that you still have that you can walk away with.