One thing almost all women have in common is we like attention, we love when people treat us as a priority, and make us feel important and if there’s someone who can do that is the guy we don’t like.
But it gets more complicated when that guy is a good guy, which will make you consider being with him.
I met a guy that has every quality of what I was looking for in a man, he was charming, intelligent, kind, with a high income, good looking and more importantly he really liked me a lot but for some reason, I wasn’t attracted to him romantically.
It was someone I had to see almost every day since we share the same hobby. So of course I noticed him, who wouldn’t? He was very well known there and was kind to everybody so It didn’t cross my mind that he liked me until he said it.
He made all the right moves to get to know me and get close to me. Started by being friends with my friends so he could talk to me more and then he started to give me so much attention, and treat me differently than my friends, It was like getting special treatment for no particular reason until he told me that he liked me.
He made sure later on that I knew what that meant, in a non pressure way, he respected my space and yet somehow he was always making sure to be there.
For a while he tried to ask me out, since I knew I didn’t like him romantically regardless I liked him as a person and friend, I never gave him the idea of agreeing to go out because I knew by doing that I would get his hopes up and that he would make sure that be a perfect date and didn’t see the point if I already knew I wasn’t attracted to him.
Months went by and even though I never agreed to go out with him, he never pushed me to do it, we kept seeing each other every day, talking and laughing but nothing more than that.
He always gave me enough space to let me know he was interested but he wasn’t going to be one of those guys you get tired of saying no.
So in those days when we think more than we should, I was finding myself intrigued by this situation, how is it that someone whom I enjoy his personality, was so good and that I knew was going to bring so much joy in my life, didn’t feel a romantic attraction.
Is this how we women lose great men? Because we are more attracted to a man who pushes our internal wounds, is it true that we are the ones who make men unconsidered because once a guy treated us right we didn’t want him?
All of these thoughts ran through my head and didn’t wanna be part of that, I wanted to have someone who valued me and cared for me the way this man does so decided to give him a chance.
He noticed the change, because I started to text him more, looking for him and being more available. I was flattered by all the attention, the caring, someone texting you back constantly and paying attention to every little detail you said, it was the way it is supposed to be when someone likes you, no mixed signal just pure interest so finally, accept his invitation to go on a date.
We went on a date, and it was a great date, he did all the right things, and we had such a great time and still, wasn’t excited about it so ultimately I kissed him, I thought by kissing him I was going to feel it, the chemistry, the heart racing but it wasn’t there, didn’t feel anything.
I didn’t feel the spark and that’s how I knew no matter how great he was with me for some reason I didn’t like him that way. When this happens I guess we have two options:
Keep trying.
Personally I’m not the biggest fan of this one, I get that love is created by time and partnership but also there’s a factor of chemistry that makes it excited.
You could continue dating this guy to see if eventually there’s more, if that spark can be created and it might, there’s a lot of people who didn’t thought they were end up together and turn out to be the perfect match.
Also, there’s the risk of hurting an amazing person, cause he surely is more invested than you are, if you continue dating this guy make sure to let him know where you stand in case he doesn’t feel like wasting his time.
Be honest.
Being honest has done me more good than harm. This is a good guy who didn’t deserve less than he gives, just be honest, put that part of you that loves the attention behind and confront the fact that you don’t like him, you are just there for the way he’s treating you and ultimately you will never give him what he deserves cause you don’t feel the way he feels.
This is what I did since it was a person I cherish and believe has good intentions, I told him the truth, didn’t see him as a romantic partner but I did like him as a person and a friend, and he did what I expect him to do he took it with grace and thank me for it, we still manage to be friends, this came with some space and timing but still he’s grateful I told him the truth early on and not when there will be so much feelings and time invested.
I still question myself why I couldn’t fall in love with him? and maybe if I continued trying at some point maybe would, but I wasn’t going to hurt an amazing person just for a maybe cause I’m sure that kind of people deserve more than a maybe.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Nandhu Kumar on Unsplash
