Don’t Tell People About Your Anonymous Blog

If only I were able to keep my mouth shut!

I began writing this blog with the intent of keeping it completely anonymous. Then I shared it with my mom, with a few of my very best friends. My dad and brother know but I would have to read it to them for them to know what I wrote. Some don’t read it, but others do and man I wish I hadn’t told anyone about this so that I could feel free to write about just about anything I can think of.

It’s not about keeping secrets, I am quite open about my questionable choices and tragic falls, however at the moment I do feel a sentiment of shame towards some actions I took and it’s so much easier to tell them openly to a trusted audience who knows me unfiltered, who has been reading this hidden side of me for months than to a room full of friends you have known for years.

Shame. What a weird feeling. Someone who always acts with the best intentions at heart should not feel shame, right? Yet I feel it my friends…I look forward to exploring what that means with my therapist in September.

I started this blog for three main reasons:

• To keep a journal of all of my deepest thoughts, some of which I dare not even tell myself, with continuity, exploring tough topics that excite and scare me.
• Through therapy I have had moments of illumination where I thought: why didn’t somebody tell me this before? Considering the hard work and financial investment I put into it I wanted to share the discoveries with those looking for answers.
• Dating, especially in your 30’s and post pandemic can be very lonely and discouraging, I wanted to create a space to normalize the crazy situations we are experiencing, a private space where we can feel a little bit less alone.

I decided to write anonymously because it would give me more freedom to be honest in the experiences I share and not to compromise the identity of the people I write about.

I told a handful of people I sincerely trust about this blog and frankly I didn’t think anyone would read it in the first place. Turns out that wasn’t the case!

This is why I want to start off this 2022 part 2 by THANKING YOU, every single person who has taken the time to read me, to share your experiences, to highlight what has resonated with you. Thank you to those who wrote me what you wanted to read more about, who have pointed out mistakes I made or who have asked for more content for men and not just for women. Suggestions and constructive criticism help me to improve every single day.

Reading what you have gone through in reply to my stories is so special to me.

Thank you to those who know me in real life, if you have this link associated to a name it means you are a very close friend indeed. Thank you for not judging me and for allowing me to have this space to write about whatever the hell I am going through.

Is there a ‘Chaos’ room inside of everyone’s head or is it just me?

My life is actually wonderful at the moment and though I am going through a lot of ups and downs in my personal life, I feel like I am heading in the right direction. That said, there is so much happening up there in my head that I wonder if those who know me in real life will think less of me with all this unfiltered sharing of emotions.

Do you feel the same way?

Do we all have a chaos room inside of our own heads even though the rest of the apartment is all neat and tidy?

This is our time and our space. No censorship, no judgment.

I read a lot of what my readers write. I like to explore your thoughts, I learn from you every single day. The beauty of what I read on Medium is this lack of judgment we have towards one another, the willingness we have to help each other out on a bad day. The time we take out of our lives to write a few lines under articles we appreciated, or of support towards someone who needs them.

You have helped me re-discover we are all in this together. You have helped me feel so much less alone. Thank you.

I am ready to start writing again, brace yourself my friends, I have done the unspeakable over the summer and as you can imagine from the first paragraph, I am trying to find the courage to tell what’s happened and correlated feelings in the most uncensored way I possibly can.

While I regroup on my bravery, big hug to all of you and speak soon my friends. And once again, thanks.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:

White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism

Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box

The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer

What We Talk About When We Talk About Men

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