Every Challenge Comes With Rainbows and Lights to Conquer It

In March of 2009, despite my fear of flying, I flew to Idaho for a landscape painting workshop.

The first flight took me to Utah, where I was questioned by burly security agents because I foolishly stored my paint brushes in a PVC pipe in my backpack. They realized I was an inexperienced flier, gave me a long lecture, and then I boarded a connecting flight to Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

The flight to Jackson Hole was a small turboprop plane, which didn’t help my nerves. I learned later that turboprop planes have a lower cruising altitude than jets, and they are more susceptible to turbulence, noise, and inclement weather.

Needless to say, the air was rough and my heart lurched with every bump.

Once we were happily on the ground, I lugged all my gear to the nearest car rental and drove across the border to Victor, Idaho. My destination was the studio and home of the renowned landscape painter Scott L. Christensen.

I had taken two prior workshops with Scott, but this trip was a salon, not a workshop.

The salon was a week-long, intensive painting experience with Scott and one other painter, Don Howard. Don and I stayed in the guest rooms above Scott’s 6,000-square-foot Craftsman studio. Every day Scott gave amazing lectures on painting, performed demonstrations, showed us books and slides of great work, and had us painting in the studio and out in the snowy landscape. In the evenings, we enjoyed wonderful home-cooked meals and conversation.

Had it not been for my wife, I might not have gone on the trip.

Because of my fear of flying, I came up with endless excuses to not go. I complained about the expense. The time away from work. But each time, my wife just shook her head.

“Pack your bags, John, you’re going,” she said.

Necessary elements of individual growth

In March of 2009, I was a busy police chief with endless responsibilities.

I was in charge of a multimillion-dollar police department and reported regularly to my city manager, mayor, and city council. I came to work early every day, to catch the morning roll call. And I often worked late.

I had to make regular hiring decisions, deal with equipment and personnel matters, and juggle community issues and political challenges. Not to mention all the city events and county meetings I had to attend.

In short, I was immersed in my work, but often exhausted.

While I enjoyed my police career, I didn’t like the stress that came with it. Thus, I found relief in the creative arts. Namely, landscape painting, writing, and playing my baby grand piano. Sometimes, on my lunch breaks at work, I’d sit outside and paint for half an hour.

It helped me unwind.

Thus, when Scott L. Christensen invited me and Don Howard to a weeklong private painting salon at his studio in Idaho, I knew it would be a fulfilling and restorative experience.

My wife refused to let my fear of flying get in the way.

She booked the flights and took care of all the arrangements. She drove me to the airport. Told me to breathe, and down a few beers if necessary, but get on the plane and go.

Thank God I listened to her.

Scott is an immensely talented artist and a fine instructor. I learned a great deal about landscape painting, and my artwork improved substantially.

But that’s not what made the trip life-changing for me.

Make the work your end

Scott is an amazing artist. And he’s also an intelligent, well-read man.

He has an extensive library of books. Endless art books, and many others that hold wisdom beyond painting. Books like Winston Churchill’s “Painting as a Pastime,” which contained illuminating quotes like this:

It is a mistake to read too many good books when quite young. A man once told me that he had read all the books that mattered. Cross-questioned, he appeared to have read a great many, but they seemed to have made only a slight impression. How many had he understood? How many had entered into his mental composition? How many had been hammered on the anvils of his mind and afterwards ranged in an armoury of bright weapons ready to hand? It is a great pity to read a book too soon in life. The first impression is the one that counts….Young people should be careful in their reading, as old people in eating their food. They should not eat too much. They should chew it well.

Scott is a good listener.

I remember telling him about my law enforcement career. How I enjoyed it, but a big part of me longed to live the creative life like he was enjoying.

“Well, why don’t you?” he asked.

“Because I’ve got responsibilities. I can’t abandon my career to go find myself as an artist,” I said.

But the truth was, I was ambitious. I was brought up to pursue a reliable, well-paying career. I wanted to be an artist growing up, but my well-meaning parents said, “It’s fine to enjoy art, but get a good education and career. Do art on the side.”

I found a way to infuse creativity into my law enforcement career, but there was always a part of me that wanted to live an artist’s or writer’s life. Yet, another part of me wanted to promote, to succeed, to reach those higher echelons of leadership and responsibility.

That evening Scott rummaged around his library and gave me a copy of “The Inner Ring,” by C. S. Lewis, from his Memorial Oration at King’s College, the University of London, 1944.

The theme of the speech is that we all desire to become part of the “inner ring” of whatever group matters to us. For many, it’s the inner circle or decision-makers at work. The movers and shakers. Those in the know.

Because who wants to feel excluded, or be outside of the cool group?

We’ve all been there. Maybe you wanted to become part of a popular group in high school. Or a particular sorority in college. Perhaps you long to have a seat on the board, or make partner at your law firm.

There’s nothing wrong with ambition, but often this need to become part of the inner ring ends in disappointment and disillusionment. And this is partly what C. S. Lewis is warning about in his speech.

If your main motivation for trying to join the inner ring is membership and prestige, C. S. Lewis offers the following admonishment:

As long as you are governed by that desire you will never get what you want. You are trying to peel an onion; if you succeed there will be nothing left. Until you conquer the fear of being an outsider, an outsider you will remain.

If you succeed in joining the inner ring, your excitement will quickly wane. You’ll eventually grow bored and start looking for the next inner ring.

C. S. Lewis notes:

The quest of the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it. But if you break it, a surprising result will follow. If in your working hours you make the work your end, you will presently find yourself all unawares inside the only circle in your profession that really matters. You will be one of the sound craftsmen, and the other sound craftsmen will know it.

I remember reading The Inner Ring that night after Scott gave it to me, but its significance didn’t sink in right away. I think Scott sensed that I was trying to figure out my future creative life, and like any wise teacher, he gave me something profound to chew on.

That part of C. S. Lewis’s speech about “…make the work your end,” and “You will be one of the sound craftsmen, and the other sound craftsmen will know it,” resonated with me.

But it would be years later before I figured it out.

Always believe in yourself

What I learned from my salon experience with Scott is thatbeing an artist is about much more than painting.

A true artist must make the work your end. A sound craftsman focuses on effort and the pursuit of excellence as its own reward, and sooner or later others will see it. Maybe even celebrate it, and want to emulate your example.

And when that happens, you’ve sort of created your own inner circle.

But the rules are different. It becomes a collection of like-minded artists, writers, and craftsmen, who view their work as the end of the rainbow. The ultimate reward. The inner ring of all inner rings, where everyone is welcome, equal, and supported along their never-ending artistic journey.

Perhaps this is why we admire independent artists and craftsmen so much. People like Scott, who loves his work and surrounds himself with like-minded creatives who share the same passion. Yes, they struggle and finances are sometimes difficult. But they often seem happier than the desperados chasing the inner ring.

Still, it takes courage to walk your own path.

Always believe in yourself and always stretch yourself beyond your limits. Your life is worth a lot more than you think because you are capable of accomplishing more than you know. You have more potential than you think, but you will never know your full potential unless you keep challenging yourself and pushing beyond your own self- imposed limits. ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

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And the courage didn’t find me until late 2016.

Every challenge comes with rainbows and lights to conquer it

I was in my tenth year serving as chief of police.

I accomplished many things and was proud of the people I worked with and the protection, service, and safety we provided our community. I reached the top of my profession and even served for a short time as acting city manager. I enjoyed a degree of power and prestige and was part of the inner circle of decision-makers in my city.

Yet throughout my entire career, the muse was always whispering in my ear.

One night at home, I was going through some old journals of mine, and out slipped The Inner Ring speech that Scott had given me. The pages were a bit tattered, but I found myself reading it again closely.

And I knew what I had to do.

Life throws challenges and every challenge comes with rainbows and lights to conquer it. —Amit Ray, World Peace: The Voice of a Mountain Bird

It was a challenge years ago for me to summon the courage to get on that plane and fly to Idaho for Scott’s painting salon. And a few years later I booked multiple flights to fly to Tennessee to take a writing workshop with a successful author.

This is why Scott’s painting salon was life-changing for me. Because I learned that I could change my life. I could leave the inner rings and become an independent writer. A sound craftsman.

Over the years, with my wife’s support, I summoned the courage to keep my creative passions alive. And then, after reading The Inner Ring one last time in 2016, I found the courage to retire early from my law enforcement career. I had five years left to max out my pension, but the muse could wait no more.

I decided to retire early and become a full-time writer.

I resolved to believe in myself, stop chasing inner rings, and become one of the sound craftsmen. As C. S. Lewis said, “Until you conquer the fear of being an outsider, an outsider you will remain.”

How about you?

What are you chasing? What inner rings? Will you really be happy if you get inside? Or is there something truer to who you are that longs for expression?

I’m a full-time writer now. I interact and correspond with other writers and sound craftsmen. I publish books, short stories, and essays. I shoot black and white photography to illustrate my stories and essays. I love what I do.

I’m no longer an outsider.

And it feels good.

Before you go

I’m John Patrick Weiss. I write elegant stories and essays about life. If you enjoyed this piece, check out my free weekend newsletter, The Saturday Letters.

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This post was previously published on Medium.com.