Patience is something that I have developed over my lifetime. Being patient was a challenge for me throughout my young adult life as a first-born type A go-getter. I wanted things to happen quickly and rarely had the patience to allow them to happen.
The first time that I had a vegetable garden and grew potatoes while in high school I could not wait for them to be ready for harvest so I pulled them out of the ground prematurely.
I could not wait for the 70-120 days needed for them to be ready to harvest. So when I pulled them out of the ground too soon, it was no surprise to my mentor when they did not have any skin on them. There is a reason for being patient and giving things their time to grow, develop, and transform.
In my early thirties, I was introduced to meditation as a way of slowing things down and becoming more patient. While I am not anywhere close to being a masterful meditator, I regularly rely on its powerful impact and effects on an otherwise stressful day.
The core of meditation is breathing and being mindful of the breaths we take in and let out. Inhaling and exhaling are the yin and yang of the meditative process to slow down the mind and body. There have been times in my life when the stress levels have been so high that I did not breathe in normally, which led to having little if any air to exhale.
As an out gay man, I have been holding my breath for the last four years under the current presidential administration. I have experienced some of the highest levels of stress of my life while watching my community be attacked along with others who were deemed to be the targets of hate, bigotry, and discrimination.
In some cases, I held my breath until I turned blue in the face with frustration over how women, immigrants, LGBTQ people, people of color, non-Christians, and too many more were vilified and made to be the focus of hate crimes.
As the 2020 presidential campaigns inundated the world around me, I began to think to myself that there must come a time when I exhale. The long term effects of holding my breath throughout some of the most challenging and disgraceful times in the history of this country as a gay man would end up having a catastrophic effect on me.
I voted early ahead of the November general election to start the exhaling process. I believed that the process of voting and being a part of a collective voice would move this country in a new and refreshed direction. What ensued from election night was an even greater sense of needing to hold my breath.
In the days between the close of the polls and the proclamation of the projected winner, I was reminded of the need to breathe and remain patient as a result of my work throughout my career that had taught me to trust the process. I was done holding my breath and was trusting that the process of counting the votes was going to yield a massive call for change.
History-making moments have a way of imprinting on us so that we always remember where we were and what we were doing when we heard the life-changing news. After waiting patiently for nearly four full days, the announcement was made that the USA would have a new president.
When I heard and saw that projection being made on the news, I knew at that moment that I could finally exhale and start the process of breathing in and out like any other person. I felt the positive impact of the decision that had been made by my fellow citizens-75 million. I also knew at that moment that my fellow citizens-71 million would be devastated and might even start to hold their breath.
The act of exhaling is more than expelling air from our lungs, it is also about being able to start to relax, release, and reflect. The relief that comes from exhaling has a profound impact on our bodies and minds.
As I exhaled after one of the longest inhales of my life, I began to relax about the threats that were made against my marriage and the life that I had created over the past nearly 62 years. I felt a sense of peace and calm knowing that there was an imminent change that would bring with it more respect, compassion, and caring.
When I released my breath, it was an instinctive act knowing that it was time. My body and mind knew the perfect time to release the stress in one massive exhale. I felt the air leave my body along with all of the toxins that were associated with that very long-held breath. I released the fear of the other shoe falling.
I have practiced reflecting on my life experiences and events for more than 25 years, and the thoughts and feelings that came up when I reflected on my long-held breath for the past four years, first came out in tears streaming down my face. I could not say the words that were behind those tears no matter how I tried to find them.
I expect that there will be people who will read this article and find their own experiences of the past four years in some of what I have shared. I also, expect that there will be people who will read this article and see themselves in the future in some of my experiences. Now more than ever is the time for us to be caring and open-hearted towards each other.
Together, let’s return to the decency, dignity, and decorum that defines us as a nation. After all, 146 million of us voted to keep democracy alive in the USA. Let’s start with what unites us rather than what and who has divided us.
With much gratitude.
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