Exploring unlimited sexual variety doesn’t mean the end of your relationship –it really is just the beginning…
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See the author’s TEDx Talk on Creating Extraordinary Intimacy in a Shut Down World
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Human beings are restless creatures. We are wired to be easily bored and seek new experiences. Whether it means learning a new skill, traveling to new places, making scientific discoveries or colonizing Mars, we individually and collectively are driven to keep pushing boundaries. Variety is an intoxicating spice for a rich and fulfilling life. And perhaps nowhere is this truer than in the bedroom. No matter how insanely attracted and turned you and your partner are about each other, sexual routine and boredom will eventually take its toll. Wandering eyes and affairs often result because of this. Yet it doesn’t have to end up this way, nor do you have to settle for same-old, same-old in the sack.
Fortunately, there is an adventurous way to prevent that from happening that most couples are not aware of. One that will reveal entirely new sensual worlds and keep things fresh and exciting for as long as you are together…
“Don’t even THINK about doing that!”
My Partner and I recently had lunch with a friend who also happens to be an authority on the evolutionary aspects of sexuality and relationships. Though in his 70’s he is quite sexually adventurous. He casually mentioned how in one recent relationship his female partner, just being playful, started to fondle his chest and nipples in the same way he did to her. And, he found that to be, surprisingly, an extreme turn on.
Upon hearing this my Partner and I turned to each other with a knowing look because this is something we discovered on our own years ago. Yet, he went on to say that if a woman tried that during his younger years he would have been very uncomfortable. Not because it didn’t feel good –but because it did and that might cause him to question his sexual identity. This echoes what my Partner experienced when she attempted to do the same thing during intimate encounters with the previous men in her life. Now, stay with me on this. Nipple fondling is merely a pointer to a much bigger sensual possibility for you and your partner.
So what is going on here?
Well, several things actually. First is the question of why men could be aroused by having their nipples fondled. And secondly, why do many, if not most straight men, find this so unsettling?
Most Couples Experience Only Half of Their Sensual Potential
For most couples, there is the male dominant and female passive which has less to do with physical makeup than what you might think. Masculine sexual energy tends more toward dominant giving. Feminine sexual energy tends more towards passive receiving.
Now this is where it gets interesting and new sensual possibilities start to reveal themselves. Think of sexual energy as a continuum contained within every human being regardless of gender or orientation. (see image below):
Think of sexual energy as a continuum contained within every human being regardless of gender or orientation.
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The closer one is to either extreme of the continuum the less of the opposite sexual energy they have. Anyone, man or woman, that fits within the interior of this continuum (which is most people) will have elements of both masculine and feminine sexual energy. In most heteronormative couples the male partner’s position on the continuum will be biased to the left side and the female’s to the right. Yet they will still retain elements of both.
Let’s consider for a moment the possibility that the quality of one’s sexual experience is a function of the expression of their sexual energy. Which simply means the more freely you allow yourself to express your sexual energy, the more powerful and fulfilling the experience. If this is the case, then most couples are only running on four cylinders when they really have a supercharged V-8 under the hood just aching to be unleashed to its full fury.
When we coach couples about achieving extraordinary intimacy, we show them how to express their full sexual potential and energy. Not just their culturally influenced bias of strictly masculine or feminine. Allowing for, and even encouraging, the spontaneous shifting expression of masculine and feminine energy during lovemaking. For men, this means allowing themselves to just receive from their partner (like having their nipples fondled, and, so much more) and really surrender to that experience. And for women to express their masculine energy by feeling the sense of power that emerges when giving to their man in a more dominant way. Let me make something very clear here. I am not referring to BDSM, just a willingness to express the full spectrum of each partner’s sexual energy.
…most couples are only running on four cylinders when they really have a supercharged V-8 under the hood just aching to be unleashed to its full fury.
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If you were to place my Partner and me on the sexual energy continuum, we would both be near the center. That’s because I happen to have a very strong feminine sexual energy component and she has a strong masculine one. And we use this to literally double our pleasure during our intimate sessions. Sometimes during making love we will spontaneously switch how we express our respective gender energies as many as a dozen times. And the effect is almost beyond the ability to describe in words. It is an adventure that never, ever gets boring or routine. And is one of the reasons that our relationship continues to grow and only be more fulfilling, emotionally and sexually, the longer we are together.
Unfortunately, for most couples, there is a fly in the ointment that prevents them from having this kind of experience. And that fly is our cultural association of homosexuality with men enjoying any aspect of their feminine sexual energy. This is born out of our experience that men resist sexual energy swapping far more than women. Especially men in their mid-30’s on up. We suspect that Millennial men are not quite as uptight about this kind of sensual expression as their older brothers, fathers and grandfathers likely are.
So let’s clear the air right here and now. It is absolutely possible for a straight man to fully express and enjoy his inherent feminine sexual energy (wherever that may be on the spectrum) without losing his sense of being a man. Any concerns or fears that pop up to the contrary are almost certainly due to cultural and religious bias and limiting beliefs. Beliefs that, with a bit of courage and adventurous spirit, can be changed.
You Don’t Have to Look Elsewhere to Keep Things Interesting
One of the first temptations for a couple experiencing sexual routine and boredom is for one or both to seek out new sexual partners. This almost always damages the existing relationship (even if both partners consent) and frankly will never fill the hole of sexual dissatisfaction. Nor will it give them even a fraction of the experience they can have by simply allowing for the full mutual expression of their integrated masculine / feminine sexual energy.
Here’s the thing. Most of us are not used to allowing our inherent opposite sexual energy to express itself. This means that when you do surrender to it you open yourself up to an endless sensual adventure that will take you to levels beyond anything you have experienced before and one that never gets old.
And the best part is that you will enjoy it with the most important person in your life. Never again feeling that either one of you is not enough for the other due to sexual boredom.
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image: DepositPhotos.com