Future faking. This is a tactic that someone uses to keep you hopeful.
Stuck.
It keeps you staying longer than you should in a relationship that isn’t working for you, at best. Or hurts you, at worst.
The promise of a vacation. A special holiday celebration. A shared future together. They promise that these things will happen someday.
You find yourself waiting around for the elusive someday that never comes.
Future-faking is a promise in words. It requires no effort or sacrifice. It’s a carrot dangling in front of you that you are never able to reach.
And you keep on waiting because a few things that were promised do happen sometimes. Enough to keep you hopeful for the next crumb to be thrown your way.
But the truth is, future faking is low effort and requires little afterthought or care.
Someone who relies on future faking to maintain a relationship is getting a reward for themselves in that moment when they make a promise to you.
They get to bask in the good feeling that comes from making you feel hopeful and happy for that time. They get your compliance and misguided trust, and affection for a time.
They aren’t the one resigned to waiting around, hoping it happens someday. They already got their payoff.
By making promises for a better future, they get to avoid whatever present issues are happening that need fixing or attention. This allows them to maintain control and avoid accountability.
They leave you feeling anxious and hopeful at the same time, waiting around endlessly to see if they will deliver on their promises.
Someone who does this regularly, and not just once in a while, is participating in a pattern of manipulative behavior.
If this is happening to you, evaluate the present relationship and what is happening in the moment, not some distant promise of change.
Pay attention to their actions, and make sure their words match. Look for the pattern of words and actions lining up to decide if this is something you can continue to accept.
Realize that expecting someone else to be better without any evidence of improvement is your mistake of choosing to invest in the potential of someone, and not accepting who they truly are.
Grieve the loss of the future they promised to you. Learn how to forgive yourself for holding on to something that never materialized.
Be a better person yourself. Make sure your words and actions are in alignment as well.
And then you may let go in peace.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox.
Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice.
Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there!
***
–
Photo credit: Steve Yang on Unsplash
