Fat Shaming Women Is Misogyny, Period!

A few days ago, I wrote an article about how male entitlement is leading to the fractious dating environment men frequently complain about.

In it, I broke down a viral TikTok of a guy refusing to pay for dinner after realizing the date is not going to end with sex, highlighting just how insidious this sense of entitlement can be.

Today I thought to do the same, but instead of entitlement, switch the focus to its imposing bigger brother: misogyny.

Now most of us are no strangers to misogyny; it’s the contempt, prejudice, and hatred directed at women. What is less common are the covert ways misogyny manifests in real life. Take, for instance, this fat-shaming incident narrated by Emma Lyon.

Just in case you can’t play the video, Emma is sharing a story about a guy she met at a bar while celebrating her birthday with friends.

Initially, he seems nice, though a bit touchy, but thinking nothing of it, Emma chose to entertain him. After a few back-and-forths, he eventually asked for her number, only to pull a “Psych! I never wanted it anyway” just as she was in the process of giving it to him. Apparently, it was all a funny prank to prove “fat bitches are easy” to his friends who were seated not too far from where Emma was.

Fat shaming women is misogyny in disguise

On the surface, most people would not associate judging a woman’s weight with misogyny because, well, men get fat-shamed too, plus weight is something we all can control. Therefore, judgment is seen more as “tough love” for a bad lifestyle choice.

It’s only when you look deeper do you realize that’s rarely how most men engage with the issue.

You see, unlike men, women do not have the privilege of having their worth dissociated from their looks.

Historically, at least in the West, women have always been objectified. Instead of being viewed as autonomous individuals, they were treated as property owned by their fathers and husbands, or as marriageable commodities to secure wealth and patrilineal lineage.

These systems of oppression don’t vanish just because of modernity. They evolve, becoming entrenched in media, religion, and family structures.

So while heavier-set men may face the occasional fat joke, they are still respected for the sheer fact of being men. They don’t face the same social and financial penalties as plus-size women, hence why it’s so much easier to see powerful, successful men who are overweight.

Try finding the same for women, and you will be looking for a long while.

Once a person is reduced to being property and a commodity, the inevitable outcome is objectification. And what is objectification if not misogyny? I know it sounds like a stretch. But hear me out.

Misogyny requires prejudice, which is when you reduce women to stereotypes — for example, calling women illogical, emotional beings. This leads to contempt: the belief that women are not worthy of consideration because they cannot reason and they need male leadership.

The only time they become worthy or valuable is when they are either compliant or fuckable.

The only problem is that Emma is failing in the latter.

Through no fault of her own, she is not adhering to the feminine standards of beauty dictated by the patriarchy, which is why men see it fit to use her weight as a punchline for their jokes.

But it’s not just the joke itself that’s abhorrent; it’s the underlying assumption that fat women are so starved of male attention they will automatically be grateful for any man’s interest, regardless of who he is. By pretending to like her, he was exploiting that exact assumption. Truly wicked work indeed.

Here’s what happened after…

For those wondering what happened after that ordeal, Emma actually made a follow-up video.

After the original TikTok exploded to 6.7 million views, the prankster reached out to apologize. He claimed it was not him but the alcohol doing the talking, and that he wanted to make it up to her by taking her out on a date — which she declined. So, kudos to her for that. That kind of behavior is no accident. It’s who he is through and through, sober or drunk.

Thankfully, more and more women are speaking out. Before, women like Emma would have no recourse but to shut up and take the misogyny. But thanks to social media, they now have a voice. They can air out these losers to warn other women to tread carefully when navigating these dating streets.

If men truly want modern women to be more receptive, they will have to make the shift to viewing them as human beings. Until then, let them cook.