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A father’s part in his child’s well-balanced development is important. The following tips may help you win your kid’s affection and trust and avoid their alienation.
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Don’t Expect the Impossible
Many parents expect compliant behavior from their kids the moment they have learned how to sit up. At age two, a child hasn’t yet developed the faculties to do everything you tell him or her by the book; another set of impulses is at work. For instance, toddlers’ attention span is naturally shorter than their elementary school siblings, unless they have ADHD, so don’t demand that they quietly play with their shape sorter for an hour.
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Be Authoritative, not Authoritarian
Kids love to run about and make a ruckus with little regard to whether it is the right or the wrong time to play. Parents often feel totally at a loss in such situations, and in most cases resort to shouting them down. Avoid this ‘method’ like the plague. I t scares the child and ruins their self-esteem in the long run, and the image of ‘stern father’ twists into ‘big bad wolf’. Moreover, they will get contrary in just about everything to spite you, which will only make you ‘exercise your authority’ by yelling even more. A child will listen to you and heed your words when your behavior translates that you respect and love them no matter what. They begin to look up to you and trust you and you need this for effective further upbringing.
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Talk to Them, not at Them
Are you concerned that your kid is engrossed in a tablet or console game and pays attention to what you say only grudgingly? The possible reason is that you have failed to show them that you are listening to them, too busy doing something of your own and replying just with non-committal m-hm’s. If neglected, this situation can aggravate and lead to nigh total estrangement. The solution is obvious (although, alas, not often enough implemented): spending quality time with the kids, be it sports or games, DIY or some chore about the house in which the little ones can lend a hand. It will make them feel important, accepted, and capable. In a nutshell, it does a world of good for children of all ages, from infants through teenagers. Speaking of the latter…
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Be There for Your Teenager
When you think you and your kids made it through the early growing pains alive, troubled teenage soon comes knocking. It is tougher than all infant’s tantrums combined; for one thing, a toddler’s ‘decision’ doesn’t usually pose a threat to his well-being, while teenagers can get so distraught as to inflict harm upon themselves or get into other real danger. During this tumultuous period, you have got to be an example to them: live your values and be consistent. A teen may not consciously acknowledge it, but it will surely benefit them on a sub-conscious level, making them feel safer and strengthening the bond between you. Show extra affection without being nosy or pushy. Moreover, for mercy’s sake, do not criticize their choice of clothes or hairstyle, or tastes in music and movies. Doing so will only serve to push them away and make them persist in their contrary ways.
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Upbringing is like kayaking – too much tilt to either side will upset the whole thing. Use your common sense, be patient and honest with yourself, your wife and kids – and it will be all right.
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Photo credit: Getty Images