Fear of Our Significant Other Breaking Up With Us

The fear of the loss of love probably dates back to the stone age, when men stole women by brute force. They continue to steal females, but their technique has changed. Instead of force, they now use persuasion, the promise of pretty clothes, motor cars, and other “bait” much more effective than physical force. Man’s habits are the same as they were at the dawn of civilization, but he expresses them differently.

Careful analysis has shown that women are more susceptible to this fear than men. This fact is easily explained. Women have learned, from experience, that men are polygamous by nature, and that they are not to be trusted in the hands of rivals. [Napolean Hill]

How do you know if you have a fear of the loss of loved ones?

Jealousy

Jealousy is a common human emotion that can creep its ugly head up in romantic relationships. It entails having a suspicion of your partner at all times and lacking faith in them, which leads to unpleasant emotions when they express their love or spend their time with someone other than you.

Because you are scared to lose the other person, you feel jealous at the slightest hint of other people being in their life. You worry that you will be replaced. Such an attitude, if uncontrolled, makes the other person feel suffocated, and the relationship eventually withers out.

Fault Finding

Fear makes you anxious, which leads to overthinking. As humans, we are wired to feel safe; whenever we sense danger, we become hypervigilant.

In this case, the danger you sense is the fear of losing your loved ones, making you overanalyze everything about them. You find faults in trivial issues, complain constantly, and always have an unsolicited opinion about what the other person should do and how.

Gambling

As per the research conducted by Hill for his book Think and Grow Rich, this involves a few things:

the habit of gambling, stealing, cheating, and otherwise taking hazardous chances to provide money for loved ones, with the belief that love can be bought,
the habits of spending beyond one’s means, or incurring debts, to provide gifts for loved ones, with the object of making a favorable showing,
insomnia, nervousness, lack of persistence, weakness of will, lack of self-control, lack of self-reliance, and bad temper.

OVERCOMING THE FEAR

Seek self-awareness

Sitting with our thoughts can change our lives. To overcome the fear, you need to understand where it stems from. There are a few days to do that:

Journaling: Write down your thoughts. You will be amazed when you would see for yourself how much clarity we get simply by writing our thoughts down. Take a diary and note what it is that you are scared of. List everything. Once you have the list, differentiate between the concerns within your control and those outside your control. Find the solution for the former concerns, and you will feel much more relaxed! Reality Check: Maintaining peace and a sense of calm requires regular effort.
Therapy: Therapists are professionally trained to help you identify self-destructive thought patterns and help you with tools and strategies to deal with life’s inevitable hardships. They will help you rationalize your fear, all the while taking into consideration your emotions, and will nudge you in the direction of finding effective solutions.

Gain Perspective

Blatant truth? Everyone you love will die.

Familiarize yourself with reality; you will understand that we all lose relationships. Not just death but even other factors, such as growing into a different human being, will cost you relationships. It is an inevitable truth of life. Once you become comfortable with this fact, you stop expecting ‘forever’ and can begin to focus on trusting yourself.

You learn that humans thrive and we have the power to rise like a phoenix. This helps you ease down and prepare yourself for the inevitable loss you will face today or tomorrow.

A few articles I would suggest you read:

Sitting alone with your thoughts can change your life

Stay in touch with your sense of calm

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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