I haven’t touched or been touched by my husband in over a week. In fact, I haven’t been in physical contact with anyone but my cat most of that time. Partly that’s because my husband was out of town for a few days. Mostly it’s because we’ve both been in quarantine, even from each other, since he got home. It’s not just weird, it’s lonely.
I missed him when he was out of town but it’s unsettling to miss him because he is just upstairs. I now have greater understanding (and empathy) for couples who have been living this way for more than the few weeks I will have to endure it. I’m trying to see this as an opportunity to add to my personal experience of the challenges my clients face but frankly it sucks.
We can’t be in the same room for more than a few moments and then we must remain as far apart as possible. Forget any kind of normal interaction—cooking and eating together, sleeping in the same bed, even having a real conversation. Information exchanges that last fifteen seconds or less just don’t measure up.
So much that I take for granted is not possible right now. The unconscious way we regularly reach out to each other when we’re together. The kisses hello, goodbye, good morning and good night are on hold. What I don’t take for granted, but am grateful for the reminder, is that our separation is not forever. He’s here, we’re safe and we will survive what is mostly an inconvenience. I am very aware that is not true for everyone.
My care and concern go out to those of you who live this way every day. Where your distance isn’t just physical, but emotional as well. That’s not why any of you got married. But somehow, it’s how you’ve ended up. It may cause pain, or it may have been going on for so long that you’ve become numb to it. You might brush against each other on occasion or you may even still have sex, but your heart remains untouched.
You might not even notice it anymore. Maybe if you were forced to only be with each other for an extended period, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Or maybe, without the ability to see, touch, and interact with others, it might put a spotlight on how alone you really feel. I get it.
I’m not in control of the length of my quarantine but how long yours lasts is up to you. Robin Williams was right. Feeling alone when you’re in a relationship is the worst. You deserve better than that.
—
This post was previously published on The Hero Husband Project and is republished here with permission from the author.
—
◊♦◊
Talk to you soon.
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock