Feminism Needs Tribalism

Feminism, tribalism, and creating a family

There have been ripples of discontent murmuring through media lately.

People of dating age, and some who are married, are taking life inventory. Why should I marry, buy a home, have kids? Questions and controversy have arrived with nervous concerns. The world does not feel welcoming to everybody who wants these traditional trappings.

The conventional wisdom of our parents and grandparents tell us a home and hearth should have one man who wants to be a dad, one mom, who wants to be a mom, and at least two kids to replace yourselves.

There are plenty of disagreements. There are certainly role models who think we should have as many kids as possible. They fear that birth rates are down, worldwide. You want someone to keep the economy alive for civilization. You want adult children to watch over you when you are old and feeble. And, most of all, what about family values, the nuclear family is the basis for all stability, security, and spiritual strength, or so we have been taught.

We have all heard these sentiments in one form or another. But, times, they are a changing. Everything changes over time, and the truth leaks out in little rivulets that soon becomes streams of thought, then, mighty rivers of movements.

The truth is that the “nuclear” family has been blown to bits. It’s being blasted by historians realizing that it was a quirk of the 18 and 19th centuries, when marriage became less based on status and financial alliance. Historically, marriage was about financial security and power. More people pair-bonded, later, out of true love, but also they have always done so for practical and local proximity.

There were unions founded on cultures that wanted to find independent religious freedom, keep women secure in subservient roles, have servants that may be “imported” people of color, or migrants from far away. LGBTQ+ people having families was seen as criminal, pathological, or even sinful. And, let’s not forget that having babies was not a choice, nor was the invention of contraception even thinkable.

Today you are not confined to one place or one way to live. Today, we know that diversity and biodiversity is our best hope for adapting to the strange, new world. We think of tribalism as being exclusive, but Earth tribalism by necessity, must become inclusive.

Human tribalism is still quite powerful. It drives most of us to strive for equality even if we don’t use the word feminism to define it. People want fairness, and they know that sharing it is the intuitive way we can get there if enough people insist upon it.

The age of the nuclear family is blown apart

Just as people today worry about the economy, a post war boom in the mid 20th century propelled the idea of a nuclear family. For a time, this man/woman/lots of babies/single household income situation, really seemed to work well. For a very brief time, (for some) it seemed to be the way to run a culture. One family households were affordable and popular. What happened?

Today you will hear natalist concerns that if women don’t return to the nuclear family, make future workers, and follow all maternal instincts to help children learn to preserve “family values” then all civilization will collapse. And, yet, there are very few — if any — of us who have grown up with this template.

Those who do live by it must be allowed their choice, but choice has to be universal for it to work as cultures transform over time.

Keep in mind that the nuclear family, with a patriarch as sole earner, was a brief fluke in time that is past its prime. For most of human history, the idea that “it takes a village to raise a child” has proven to be true. To have home and hearth, (housing and food) human beings rely heavily on our ability to be prosocial members of society who cooperate and collaborate.

Today, most men and women have to do both paid and unpaid work. We must work hard to afford a family. With the challenges of climate warming and disasters of related and indirect issues, we will still have several alternate versions of family and community. One value we need to instill and reaffirm is community.

Men and women need to learn to grab a hoe and sow seeds,literally and figuratively. The supply chain failures and inflation that we face require that whenever and where ever possible, we learn to grow food and community as quickly as possible. There has to be universal honor in this, and an embrace of values that humanity has known for most of our human existence. You can think of it as a Victory Garden mentality that has rewards in social acceptance, respect, and sharing.

The world is very complex now with the way we have commerce and global trade. It won’t disappear overnight, certainly, But as clearly as change is the one thing that we can predict, change and alternate ways to be a family have been, and are being, evolved.

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Please clap, highlight, or comment to receive Rivers of appreciation from Christyl Rivers, Phd.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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