Fierce Extremism Calls for Fierce Compassion

As I write this I am still working through my anger regarding the events of September 10, 2025, and the aftermath filled with demoralizing “attack dog” politics. I am here offering what I can because I know so many people feel a version of the pain that I am feeling. I am determined not to respond with hate or violence, or dismissive aggrievement.

What we need at this moment is fierce compassion to counteract the violent extremism that appears to be free floating in American politics. But first, let me be honest.

I was never a fan of Charlie Kirk nor of the extremist conservatism he so strongly promoted. I did not buy into his false invitations to debate because his routine was essentially to trick his followers. He would partially listen to the speaker, cut her or him off in mid-sentence, and then use the opportunity to slam the person with a rapid-fire sequence of counter arguments, effectively dismissing the speaker’s concerns. Kirk’s responses in these so-called debates utterly lacked empathy, understanding or honest consideration of the other’s points of view.

Nor did I agree with Kirk’s politics. I found his views filled with white supremacist, misogynist and homophobic assumptions that managed to spew hate in many directions. A clever speaker, he never let these foundational assumptions rise to a clear and articulate level, often covering his views by providing more questions than answers. More a performance artist than a creative leader, he spoke in ways he knew would energize his followers with sound bites while leaving others debased and oppressed.

Kirk also understood the power of social media and frequently manipulated his live audiences to enhance his brand. Katty Kay writing for the BBC understood this twisted alliance:

“Around the [USA], you’re more likely to get elected to political office if you run on policies and rhetoric that appeal to your political base, rather than the political middle… Equally, in the media, people who opine about politics are rewarded for being more extreme and stoking outrage — that’s the way to get more eyeballs and, ultimately, more advertising dollars.”

Nonetheless, let’s be clear. A man was shot dead while speaking his mind on an American college campus. This is wrong, and no amount of counter-violence in words or actions will help us recover from this tragedy.

Finally, we must extend grace to Mr. Kirk’s family, his wife Erika and his two children, acknowledge their grief and permit them the space and privacy for mourning the loss of their beloved husband and father.

Fierce Compassion

It is legitimate to feel anger in response to what happened to this young man on that stage at Utah Valley University. Seeing the assassination live on social media, complete with the gush of blood, terrorized many viewers. Grasping the simple fact that Kirk was killed because of his expressed views is shockingly contrary to how we do things in an open democracy. It is an aberration and an abomination.

Even just days following the event, many had already allowed their anger to spread the hate and vitriol even further, mostly for their own benefit and many via social media platforms that thrive on outrage. Some of this was by association due to Kirk’s devotion to the Christian Evangelicals toward whom many Americans maintain serious doubts and grievances.

But there is another way to manage our anger. We may allow anger to drive compassion, the product of which is sometimes called “fierce compassion.” The venerable Zen master and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh formulated this approach, and many have followed his example.

Fierce compassion involves the strength and courage to confront suffering with wisdom, not more anger, not blame, not even just gentleness, but to take effective action against injustice while remaining deeply connected to our shared humanity. Fierce compassion acknowledges anger not as a destructive force but as a signal for action against injustice, similar to a parent protecting their children during a violent storm.

Several key steps are required along this road. The first emphasizes that all beings suffer and desire a better world. This fosters understanding and connects individuals to their common experience while preventing “othering”. The second requires nonattachment to views and opinions, meaning to keep a healthy distance from rigid beliefs, allow for authentic communication and respectful relationships, and avoid aggression.

The third involves balancing gentleness and strength, that is, to embody fierceness in addressing harm and gentleness in seeking connection, fostering positive action and community. By responding to difficult situations with patience, kindness, and empathy, we can diffuse tension and create space for healing and reconciliation.

The final step involves transforming internal habits of anger and fear within ourselves to better resist and transform them in the world. According to Kaira Jewel Lingo, this implies changing how we react to external events. We accomplish this by reducing our reactivity and thereby enhancing equanimity.

Strong feelings like anger and hatred usually arise suddenly and very nearly beyond our awareness. They may appear as “natural” reactions to a given situation. This is incorrect. These are our feelings, they arise internal to the observer, and only appear related to external events.

Surely, many persons of honor and good faith did in fact respond to Kirk’s death with fierce compassion, but their voices were thoroughly drowned out by the onslaught of electronic and digital media that constantly seek our attention.

Warrior Compassion

A related perspective particularly relevant to men is known as “warrior compassion.” This approach relies on the strength and courage of the warrior spirit. Most closely associated with Rev. Sean Harvey and the Warrior Compassion Institute, warrior compassion depends on the warrior archetype arguably present in most men’s psyches. It represents discipline, resilience, and an unwavering determination to protect and defend that which is most valued.

The warrior in this case is not engaging in physical combat, but is rather the courageous spirit or energy within every human being to protect that which is deemed sacred and right. It is closely associated with men’s healing journeys and the desire to support personal growth and well-being.

Despite the name, warrior compassion is all about compassion and is not to be confused with individuals who take up arms to kill or maim their perceived opponents as was the case with Charlie Kirk’s alleged killer. Proponents of warrior compassion would not consider such actions as courageous or supportive of personal growth.

Many men believe they cannot show emotions other than anger, and after many years of living this way, they cannot feel any of their emotions until eventually a particular incident sets off an explosion of fury. Asked afterwards about these incidents, very often a man says that it was like “blacking out.” Emotions do not go away, even when we try to ignore them.

“When we ignore our emotions, we still have them. We must ask ourselves, will we control our emotions, or will our emotions control us? The healing work enables us to evolve from our knee-jerk reactions to engage with more thoughtful responses.”

Why are men particularly prone to handling emotions this way? The reason begins with the conditioning we all received in childhood. Then as adult men, the response pattern becomes set and partially buried. So when we begin to experience failure, as do most young adults, we fear responding emotionally, truthfully, because of an inherent fear of being emasculated. The more the emotions are buried (“stuffed down” is the common phrase), the more intense the accumulated hurts become, until one day they explode.

The results include historic levels of domestic violence and attachment to fetishized substitute objects like firearms. We are also seeing very high levels of self-harm in the form of alcoholism and substance abuse, alarming suicide rates, and a general rise in deaths of despair often associated with addictive behaviors.

‘A Dangerous Point of Potential Escalation’

At this point you may be asking a simpler question: Why was Charlie Kirk murdered? This is actually more complex than dealing with our anger. According to Shannon Hiller of Princeton University’s Bridging Divides Initiative, a range of forces have converged to promote political violence in America. These include:

“The widespread use of dehumanizing rhetoric, the availability of firearms, the spread of disinformation, and vanishing trust in institutions.”

While the outlook is grim, the work of the Bridging Divides Initiative and similar entities are examples of fierce compassion in action. Their goals include preparing communities to respond to periods of elevated risk, empowering individuals and communities to address the long-term divides we face as a society, and support efforts to build a pluralistic, multi-racial democracy here in the United States.

Charlie Kirk was himself a divisive individual. He consistently made his arguments by tearing others down, and by forcing followers to metaphorically kneel before him, the alpha male leader of the pack. It is well known that his wife Erika had tried to convince him to wear a ballistic vest, but he refused.

So for the young man who targeted him on September 10, Kirk was a convenient and meaningful target upon whom to transfer or project the killer’s own insecurities, worries and anxieties. The results are tragic.

But when our leaders grimly seek to blame and punish any persons or organizations that happen to be political opponents, they imply that these groups were somehow responsible for the killer’s actions. I am not at this time aware of any evidence to this effect. But evidence is not necessary when one operates within a twenty-four-hour disinformation environment.

Personally, I am hopeful about the long-term future, after the current leadership fades away and the damage inflicted on our imperfect democracy is repaired and the system improved. We will need to ensure that never again may an autocratic personality rise to power and trample the rights of so many people previously protected by our constitution, however imperfect and incomplete it may be.

With fierce compassion, perhaps we will get there together.

Originally published on Substack.

Vic Caldarola is the founder and lead facilitator of the Shine a Light Men’s Project, a men’s mindfulness discussion program, and a member of the Still Water Mindfulness Practice Center. He holds a PhD in Communication Studies.