February has been Black History Month in the US since President Gerald Ford designated it as such in 1976. Every president since him has continued with the official designation. Each year more events recognize the contributions and legacies of prominent Black Americans.
Despite much of the progress that has been made to establish civil rights in many aspects of the lives of Black Americans, there still exists racism that is sadly and disappointedly tied to bias, discrimination, and prejudice. We have a long way to go to end all three of these words and realize the dream and vision of leaders like Martin Luther King Jr. and President Barack Obama.
When these words come to mind, I think of my best friend whom I met in college. I met Joe on campus one day in 1977 and we went on to have a friendship that lasted for 25 years until his untimely death. We close like brothers and were there for each other through the highs and lows of life.
I was thrilled when we ended up both living in Houston after college and could see each other often by living very near to each other. As a result of being neighbors, we would run errands or go garage saling or shopping together.
We went to places together where we would get those looks for being a black man with a white man and vice versa, I seemed to notice it more than Joe and when I brought it up, he had a clear opinion of it. It did not matter to him since they were people who did not matter to him.
I always enjoyed how deep we went in our conversations about racism and homophobia. We had one of those things in common and we connected on their commonalties during our talks.
On one particular day, Joe asked me to go to the Houston Galleria with him. He wanted to celebrate a career achievement by gifting himself with something from a high-end jewelry store. He was a professional with a federal agency and he had achieved a career goal that made him very proud.
When we walked into the store, there was a security guard and about six or seven employees. The security guard was standing inside the door and just looked at us as we walked in without saying a word. Most of the employees were behind the counters.
As Joe walked away from me heading to the counter that had his desired gift, an employee approached me and welcomed me to the store. I responded and walked on looking at things on my own, with no real intention of buying anything. The employee who was behind the counter would ask if I wanted to see anything in particular to which I would say, no thank you.
When I stopped long enough to watch what was going on, I saw that other customers in the store were being greeted and assisted all the while Joe was leaning over the case looking at his reward. In the next few minutes, I had the realization that none of the employees had interacted with Joe. When the next employee came up to me to ask if they could help me, I responded with I am not here to buy anything however my friend who you all are ignoring is here to make a major purchase. Only then was Joe greeted by an employee who completed his purchase.
I went over to tell Joe that I was going outside and left the store. When he came out with his little blue bag, he was smiling from ear to ear. I was fuming mad. I asked him if he saw what just happened and he said yes, he did see that he was only served after I told the employee that he was there to make a purchase.
We talked about that experience for the rest of the day and for days and weeks and months and years to come. No matter how deep we went with it, I could never shake the shock and disappointment. My friend Joe had a more forgiving approach to it having experienced it for his entire life.
Joe matter of factly told me many times over the years, giving his power to people like what would have robbed him of his joy. He would have missed out on so many things that he did for himself if her let them win.
Through my relationship with Joe, I saw firsthand the impact of bias, prejudice, and discrimination. It only fueled me to be more committed to being a best friend, ally, and advocate. As a result of being close friends and that first experience, we were a formidable pair when it came to speaking up when we were faced with other people’s racism or homophobia.
I attended a poignant BHM event this week that focused on Macro and Micro Aggression for members of the Black Community. I was reminded of my friend, Joe, and the countless experiences that we shared that included these types of aggressions.
I do my best to continue his legacy by sharing his story and speaking up every time I encounter a macro or micro-aggression directly or while in the company of a friend who is unwittingly targeted by bias, prejudice, or discrimination.
How do you show up as an Ally or Advocate for friends, family, or yourself?
When was the last time you saw spoke up against Bias, Prejudice, or Discrimination?
What can you do to make a difference fighting against Macro and Micro-Aggressions in the lives of your friends, family, and yourself?
With much gratitude…
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