It was 5 am on a freezing Saturday morning at the peak of winter. I woke up to begin my usual morning sessions.
I did my five-minute meditation and stretched a bit before hopping onto my computer to read on Medium. After that, I checked my emails.
My phone peeps. I received a new message. It was him. The text reads;
“You miserable old hag, you should have told me you wouldn’t come. You are heartless. No wonder you are still single. You’ll die a lonely death because no man will ever marry you, pompous fool.”
Was I offended?
Not in the least. I deleted the text and continued with what I was doing.
Fifteen minutes later, I was in the shower. My phone peeps again. It’s the same guy. “You old fool, won’t you reply to my message? You’ll rot in hell for what you did.”
I replied to his text this time, “I see you’re already rotting in hell. Keep roasting because this old hag is way above your pedigree.”
After sending the text I blocked his number. Not because I was bothered by his messages, but because I wanted him to feel the burning frustration of my rejection even more.
Guys like that think they can shame your existence with their words. Calling me an old hag and cursing me to die a lonely death is an old-fashioned tact guys use to disempower women. So I have learned to weaponize the same tact against them.
The guy is 32 years old. He was my seatmate on my flight from Santa Monica. During our brief conversation, he sounded like a cool and level-headed guy. He asked for my number and I gave it to him — but as just friends.
When I got home, he called to check if I got home safely. He started calling every day. Sometimes I would ignore his calls or make an excuse that I was in a meeting.
He acted nice and said he understood how busy I must be. I tried to reply to his messages whenever I could. When he asked me out. I wasn’t surprised.
We weren’t close buddies and he hardly knew me. But when a guy invests his time checking on you, they expect some kind of reward and surely this guy did.
I told him I wasn’t interested in anything other than being just friends. I didn’t know much about him and he wasn’t my type. He tried to convince me to give him a shot, that I’ll like him if I got to know him.
In truth, I wouldn’t have given him a minute of my time if I had known he had obsessive behavior. But like every psychopath I’ve met, he wore his mask on his sleeve. I only noticed the signs when he started texting consistently even when I didn’t reply and his aggressive words when he spoke.
I realized he wasn’t going to take my ‘no’ for an answer and he wouldn’t let me be unless I agreed to see him again. So I accepted his invitation. We booked a place and time to meet.
Unfortunately, something came up and I cancelled. We reschedule, I cancelled again. He asked if I preferred he came to my house since I couldn’t make time to see him.
Of course not. I have been cancelling on purpose and he thinks I will bring him into my home? How delusional.
I have already put myself in a mess, how to get out was the problem. I finally agreed to meet him after cancelling four times. On the day, we were supposed to meet, I told him I would be running late.
He arrived at the venue and texted me that he was there. I called and told him I was on my way — in 5 minutes I should be there. Approximately, 5 minutes later, he called. I told him I was almost there. Every time he called, I would tell him, “I’m almost there.”
Well, I did not just run late, I didn’t show up at all. I was happily having a girl’s time at the bar. When I got home, I was exhausted and completely forgot about the date I had stood up. I turned off my phone when his text became disturbing.
Yeah, I know what you are going to say. I’m a bitch, right?
Sure.
I was very polite when I told him he wasn’t my type. And I hate when guys think they are entitled to my time and attention. I honestly hate when guys think they are entitled to a reward for showing simple gestures such as kindness.
Besides, I haven’t misled him in any way to show that I liked the attention he was giving me. My only regret was giving him my number. So he deserved what I did for being so persistent and not taking my “no for a no.”
I have heard guys say a “woman’s no” is an act of pretence. They assume we say ‘no’ because we want the guy to prove himself. Well, I’m not most women. When I say no, I mean it. And if you can’t handle the rejection, the bitch in me comes out.
Your Miserable Single Women Aren’t Looking to Impress Anyone
Centuries of subjugation of women to men is enough to make anyone miserable. It’s no surprise that more and more single women are choosing a different path. We are happy to be relieved of the physical and emotional burden that comes with relationships.
I won’t deny single women have their…. uhm…depressing moments. After all, we are not prioritized in our jobs as our married counterparts. Single women are the last to be considered for holidays and relocations and we are more likely to be assigned extra shifts.
We are also more likely to volunteer and to participate in social events while the married and cohabiting women tend to become more socially isolated, even without the excuse of children. The assumption that we have more time on our hands puts a lot of pressure on single women to work harder to prove themselves.
However, these things don’t make single women more unhappy than single men or married women for that matter. Many studies have found that despite single women being stigmatized and ignored, they are still happier than married women.
The problem is that the patriarchy has brainwashed us to believe a woman’s happiness depends on her male partner and that men really should live freely as they choose. It is hard for people to imagine a world where women are truly happy without a male partner.
Traditionally, a woman’s value comes from her ability to make a man happy and stay happy in the household. Independence is seen as a male characteristic, but when a woman is independent, it is seen as a sign of deficiency.
When a woman fails to meet the only two options expected of a woman (parenting and marriage) — which involves a lifelong commitment to others rather than to yourself, choosing to be single is one of the most selfish things she can do.
Women are selfish when they make their own decisions and don’t want to be in a relationship or have children.
Therefore, by social definition, a single and lonely woman is someone who feels unhappy because she doesn’t fit the social standards. Her hyper-independence has taken over and she’s nothing but a damaged woman.
Men think single women are lonely and miserable despite recent studies proving that lonely men have risen to 38% compared to 28% in the past 30 years, while lonely women are behind at 36%.
Men claim single women will die lonely when the rate of unmarried men is twice that of unmarried women. They assume single women are unattractive when online dating apps reveal 75% of their users are men and 24% are women, but only 14% of women swipe right on male profiles.
Let’s talk about sex. About 31% of men haven’t had sex by age 24 compared to 20% of women at the same age. Isn’t that why incels are rising? Being sex-starved is messing up young men’s lives and it’s disheartening.
Now speaking of dying miserably. Studies found that men are four times more likely to commit suicide than women. They are more like to be addicts, broke and unemployed compared to women.
Most men blackmail single women with dying alone and miserable. From the statistics above, isn’t that the definition of delusion?
Okay, let’s tear the statistics down a bit. On average women outlive men. Even married women end up dying alone because some get a divorce or become widows before they die. Most women I know — both my grandmothers and aunt died at 98 years and above after their husbands were long gone.
In general, we all die alone eventually because death is an experience we must go through alone. I haven’t seen a husband or wife who was buried with their dead spouse. So blackmailing single women with dying alone is the dumbest shit I have heard.
The way I see it, men need marriage more than women and they are afraid of dying alone so they project their fears on women. When men are single, they do their own laundry and plan for themselves.
But when they marry, their wives take over the jobs. The idea that a husband is there to take care of you isn’t true. In fact, most wives play the role of a mother than a lover.
Men are delusional to think single women can be manipulated into being their indented slaves till death do you part. No single woman wants to be a sucker for the rest of her life.
And since most men are comfortable being pookies and bringing the bare minimum into the relationship, you will be the ones dying miserably single not women.
Instead of focusing your energy tearing single women down, why not pay more attention to figure out why most women are skipping romantic partnerships and commitments?
Why not take a deep look into your toxic behaviors that scare women away and work on being better partners? Why not focus on bettering your lives — your financial, physical and emotional health — so you can contribute productively in relationships?
Shaming single women for taking care of their bodies, minds and souls should be the least of our problems. Because women find their purpose when they are single but men lose theirs. We should be more worried about single men and their lost self-worth than about single women thriving in their spinsterhood.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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