Five Subtle Signs You’re Just the Rebound Guy

What’s worse than being someone’s second option?

You’ve been dating this girl for a couple of months, and though things are going great, you feel something’s just … off.

You can’t say she’s doesn’t love you, but you can’t be sure she’s fully emotionally available for you either. It’s like you’re stuck in between, and you can’t tell if you can be serious with her in the long run.

Maybe because of the fact that she just ended her long-term relationship. The breakup still feels very fresh, and her saying “yes” to be your girlfriend just feels too early.

This might be hard to accept, but you’re in a rebound relationship. Many people don’t want to admit this cold-hard truth because it hurts their ego. I mean, none of us want to be someone who only fills the “gap.”

As mentioned in Psychology Today’s article, a rebound relationship is “a relationship that is initiated shortly after a romantic breakup — before the feelings about the former relationship have been resolved.”

I’ve personally never been in a rebound relationship, but my best friend has. And when it comes to subtle signs to prove it, here is what I noticed.

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She still talks about her ex a lot.

There’s nothing wrong with talking about your ex, but if it happens too often? Then it’s definitely a red flag.

After all, she’s with you now. What’s the point of talking about her past relationship again? Sure, she doesn’t explicitly tell you how good it was but even complaining about it is no longer worth the time at this point.

I’ve had a guy who couldn’t stop talking about his ex on our first date, and it’s such a big turn-off. I just knew I’d be in a rebound relationship if I proceeded further with him.

She wishes you could be more of her ex.

Has she tried to compare what you both have now with her past relationship with her ex? If yes, then it could be the sign she’s using you for a rebound only.

When you’re in a new relationship with someone, the first 3–6 months are usually the best time because you’re still in a honeymoon phase. So it’s normal for you to have expectations that you’d have a good time during this period.

But if what happens is the other way around with her keeps bringing up her ex and comparing you to him, you shouldn’t ignore the red flag. It’s important to have the “talk” earlier at this point to see if she’s truly over her ex and ready to be with you or not.

She doesn’t let her friends/her close people know you both are dating.

I’m a girl, and I know if she’s truly in love with you, there’s no way her close friends don’t know about her new relationship. Girls, in general, are way more open than guys and would love to talk about everything that’s going on in their love life.

So pay attention to this detail. If you’ve never been introduced or you don’t know any of her friends while she knows all of your close people, you need to bring it up at least once.

Unless if you don’t think this is a big deal, then you can just let it go. But most people in a rebound relationship will try to hide their new relationship just because they aren’t proud of their new partner and still cling to their exes.

You don’t feel appreciated in the relationship.

It’s never a nice feeling to be in a relationship where your partner always points out your flaws.

“You aren’t caring enough.”

“You don’t do this/that.”

“I can’t be with you if you’re like this or like that.”

It’s just too many complaints, and someone like is mentally exhausting to be around. So pay attention more to how she treats you so far. If you’re just a rebound guy to her, there’s a higher chance she doesn’t care about your needs.

She might say she loves you just as much as you do, but when it comes to her real actions, things just don’t add up. And you should never normalize this behavior.

She keeps mentioning to keep it “casual.”

Depending on your goal in this new relationship, if you don’t want to be exclusive, then it shouldn’t be a problem. However, if you’re tired of casual dating and want to settle down with this girl, that’d really bother you when she says to keep it “casual.” because that’s what people in a rebound relationship tend to say.

Not because they are afraid of commitment, but mostly because they just don’t see a future with you nor try to even consider the option. For them, all of this thing is just temporary.

It’s either they’re waiting for their ex to come back, or they find someone new who’s more “suitable” for them.

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So what to do next?

It’s easy to think that you have no control when you’re in this kind of situation. And it’s definitely a lot harder to let go when you’re still madly in love with the person.
But that shouldn’t be the case for you.

If you think the relationship has the potential to evolve to something you want, the best thing you can do is to have the talk. I mean, a real talk that results in a new agreement or some practical plans.

However, if not, then letting it go doesn’t mean you lose. You just decide that this kind of relationship isn’t for you at the moment, and that’s okay too.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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