It’s easy to miss the red flags when you’re deep into a relationship. Cortney Rene is here to highlight some warning signs you don’t want to ignore.
Have you ever dated someone but just felt, you know, unsure? You may meet, date and break-up with many people over your lifetime. Some may seem great from the outset, so perfect. Or, you meet that person who is just a great time, really fun…for a while. Others, you may work a little harder to get to know and still feel a sense of uneasiness after some time has passed.
Inevitably there comes a point in time when you find yourself thinking: where is this relationship going? Listen up people, because there are signs when a relationship is going nowhere. Plenty of signs. Your path forward will likely be marked by little red flags, but choosing whether or not to pay attention to them is up to you.
Often times we may see the writing on the wall, but in listening to our hearts, rather than our heads, we choose to ignore them. If you ever want to be truly happy and find the right person for you, why spend more time than is necessary being with the wrong one? Yet we are all guilty of doing exactly this at one time or another.
Humans are all born with an innate sixth sense, that little voice inside our heads that alerts us to danger, that tells us when it’s fight or flight time and lets us know when something is just off. It’s the reason you can look back post break-up and go, “Ah-ha! I knew it,” because we’re aware when things aren’t going smoothly.
We see it. We feel it. But, we convince ourselves we could be happy (if only…fill in the blank) and so we push aside our intuition. When on the outside looking in there are some classic signs that most of us would recognize in a relationship that’s going nowhere, but they can be harder to see when you’re the one in the relationship.
Below are five signs that your relationship is more than likely on a one-way train to nowhere. If one of these signs resonate with you, take note, and proceed with caution. However, if your current relationship displays most, or all of these symptoms: RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. You’ll thank yourself for it later.
1. He Never Takes You on a Proper Date
I realize that for many of today’s younger generation “hanging out” has become the new normal and incidentally has become a widely acceptable form of getting to know someone you’re interested in. However, when a guy is truly and honestly into you, he should and will ask you out on a proper date.
Whether it be dinner, a movie or out to a ballgame, he will ask you out and make plans – in advance – for a designated night of the week. The guy who constantly comes over to your place only to “hang out,” or calls you to come over to his place late at night is not – I repeat, NOT – someone who is taking you or your relationship seriously.
2. Your Texts and/or Calls Get Ignored
People are busy, but no one who’s truly interested in you will ever be too busy to reply to a text or return a phone call. I am a firm believer in the principle, if someone is really interested in you, they’ll make time for you. When someone wants to get to know you they are invested in finding out more about you and your interests, and will not hesitate to do so. If conversely, someone never asks you about your family, interests or hobbies, if they aren’t trying to dig deeper, then they probably aren’t really concerned about getting to know the authentic, real you. Which means they view the relationship as a temporary situation, a fling. So beware.
When days go by with no reply to your simple, “how was your day?” text, take note. Likewise, if it takes two or three days for someone to return a phone call from you asking what their plans for the weekend are, it’s a sign they are waiting until the last minute to reply in case something better comes up. Do you want to be second choice? The back-up plan? This is not the behavior of someone invested in you or a future relationship with you.
3. They Don’t Introduce You to Their Friends
When we’re interested in someone we want them to meet our friends. We want to see how they interact to see if they fit in and get along with our circle and vice versa, right? But someone who has no intention of seeing you long-term will probably take a more casual approach. Someone who sees you as a short-term commodity won’t bother bringing you around and introducing you to their nearest and dearest because in the end, it’s not worth their time or effort if they know this relationship is temporary.
So, if you’ve never met any of their friends take it for what it is: a sign they aren’t planning on you sticking around. Meeting each others friends should be a normal part of the dating and relationship growth process, especially when you’re serious about that person.
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4. You Aren’t Part of Their Future Scenarios
When you’re in a secure relationship and the other person starts thinking about the future, you may notice they start using “we” rather than “I.” This is a good sign. It indicates they are thinking as a couple, and consider you a part of their team. When someone starts saying things that point towards future dates such as “we should check out that concert next month,” or “my friend is getting married in two months and I’d really like you to be my date,” it’s an indication they’re planning for you to stick around thus comfortable setting future plans.
By including someone in your future, it signals a certain amount of confidence, commitment and security within the relationship. So, if this is missing and they’re always asking you out last minute and hesitate to agree to meet you for any event given more than a days’ notice, there’s a good chance they won’t be making plans to meet your family come Thanksgiving.
5. They Try to Change You (Not For the Better)
Have you ever met or gone on a date with someone who seems to want to change you right off the bat? Early on they make comments like, “you’d look really good as a blonde.” Or, “you should really cut your hair like that it would look so good on you.” You may think these are compliments. They’re not. When someone starts off a relationship by commenting on all the things they think you should change about yourself, it signals this person isn’t into you for the right reasons. It can be a means of control or trying to mold you into who they’d like you to be. And someone trying to change you is probably someone you won’t be happy with long-term.
In a healthy, fulfilling relationship your partner will accept you completely as-you-are. This means they also accept your flaws, and don’t expect you to be perfect. Anyone who finds fault with your appearance or otherwise early on, or makes remarks alluding to wanting you to be anything other than who you are, is someone who has their own insecurities and issues. Besides, who wants to be with someone who isn’t happy with the real you? You can only be yourself and in the right relationship that will be enough.
by Cortney Rene