Throughout my life, I have felt so much pressure around what it means to be a man. I have seen men trying to be what they think is manly in the world through ego-driven behaviours, through hardened shells, through blocked and repressed emotions, through disconnection and distance from others.
Often the experiences we have of men growing up are very different from what it actually means to be a man, from what it means to live an “Enlightened Masculinity”.
On my own journey, I have often gotten lost in the darker side of my masculinity—the side that is decisive, aggressive within, courageous and bold….a leader.
This has allowed me to become a better Parkour Athlete through the courage to lean into my fears.
This has allowed me to feel grounded in my body, powerful in my expression with others, relaxed in my own skin.
This has allowed me to be a more powerful coach, who listens with a deep presence and is not afraid to speak with honesty about what needs to be said to my clients at that time.
Within this darker side of masculinity, it can often feel so good to live like this that I forget to have empathy, I forget to feel, I forgot to feel joy, to feel sadness, to feel alive fully within in my everyday moments. Instead, I seek this aliveness through pushing myself both physically and mentally, and when this isn’t possible I feel unfulfilled.
I forget to enjoy the small moments of life. I forget to feel the joy of simply being alive.
I forget to love openly and deeply in my relationship.
The darker side of my masculinity feels so good out in the world that sometimes I don’t want to leave it at the door when I enter my home and embrace the woman in my life. Because of this, there becomes a disconnect between us—a distance. She feels my hardness and reacts with hardness, she feels my distance and keeps her distance, she feels my lack of empathy for her feelings and emotions, she feels my dangerous, wild masculinity, but doesn’t trust it because she knows it isn’t balanced with the light of love, of softness, of play, fun and joy. She can feel my irritation, she feels my seriousness, she can feel my numbness.
I am closed to the depths of love.
Some men have a dark masculine and a light masculine. They don’t balance the two in the harmony and the beauty of what I know as “the enlightened masculine”.
Too much light and we are needy and clingy, “the nice guy”, “the pushover.” We lose the wild man within us, we lose our courage, we don’t take action in the world.
Too much dark and we are aggressive—without empathy. We take what we want with little regard for others, we do things to feed our ego’s, we are selfish.
Without balance, we don’t live to our true potential of what it means to be a man.
With balance we can become “manly as love”.
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What I have found is that to truly be enlightened in our masculinity, we must embrace love as the very foundation of who we are being in any moment, whether it is a courageous leader making bold decisions for our business or whether it is curled up on our lover’s lap sharing our vulnerability.
We must stay open as love.
Whether we are climbing Mount Everest, or sitting chatting and making decisions with our partner at the dinner table.
When we stay open as love. We are manly.
When we can feel our power within but soften with our lover, we are manly.
When we can feel our decisiveness and desire for authentic expression and we express that graciously, we are manly.
Enlightened masculinity is staying open as love, while living our true potential as wild and dangerous men in the world.
As leaders, as bold action-takers, as adventurers, as explorers, as brave athletes, as hunters, as providers, we must stay open as love.
Love with all we have, feeling into the world, feelings our partner’s emotions so deeply we learn to understand their hearts completely.
Stopping amidst our mountain climbs, contemplating the love we feel for the partners in our lives, waiting for them wherever they are, missing them deeply.
Creating sexual attraction with our dark side but staying with our light of ease, of play, of light-hearted fun and humour.
Never serious or tense, but instead relaxed and radiant.
Living as a leader, but surrendering as love in every moment.
Soften, soften, soften….Manly as love.
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