Daniel Dowling has the questions to help you find the love of your life. Only you have the answers.
For all the problems in your love life, you are the solution. You have access to all the knowledge in the world at this moment, barring the goings on of underground alien bases. And you have the power of decision.
All friendships (especially romantic relationships) are mirrors to our internal world. They’re designed like this so we constantly grow through them, and never become complacent. Constant growth is a core requirement for being a human, and friendships are the best tools we have to attain it.
The stronger a friendship is, and the closer you become to someone, the more powerfully they mirror your internal world. Relationships are, first and foremost, instruments of personal growth. And on that foundation, we achieve the security that makes families and communities thrive.
So, what is keeping you from the relationship/life of your dreams? Why are you still settling for less than what you deserve as a human being?
Maybe the following questions will help you solve this mystery. Get ready. Sh*t’s about to get real:
1. Has the taste of failure and heartbreak made you too scared to even try?
2. Have you become invulnerable by shielding yourself from the pain of disappointment?
3. In relationships, does the challenge of doing something radically different seem like too much?
4. Have you put your faith in the lifestyle of the masses?
Sh*t just got real.
5. Have you tried everything in your power to change the way you approach relationships?
6. Have you exhausted all possible ways of relating with another human being?
If not, keep trying new things. Until you’ve tried everything under the sun, you’ll always have hope.
7. Have you made a concrete plan to get the relationship you desire?
8. If not, what makes you think you can achieve your dream without one?
9. And if you do have a plan, does it factor in your needs?
If you haven’t experienced the love you desire, you have unmet needs.
10. Are you even aware of your needs in a lasting relationship?
11. Do you know that an unconditional friendship (no strings attached) is an absolute requirement for lasting love?
12. Have you ever practiced that kind of love in that kind of friendship?
13. Have you practiced unconditional love and acceptance with yourself?
14. Would you have the discipline to delay sexual gratification in order to experience unconditional love?
15. Would you have faith that your needs would be met in pursing unconditional friendships, rather than casual relationships?
16. Do you think of relationships as a commodity, or a sacred gift?
17. Would it blow your mind to know your relationships are a key ingredient to world peace?
18. If you knew that, would you accept the challenge of loving as if your life depended on it?
19. If that meant seeing your flaws mirrored in your partner, would you even want a relationship?
20. Do you have the vulnerability, courage, patience and integrity to entertain a relationship with another person?
21. Do you even know enough about yourself to give yourself to another?
22. Are there certain behaviors you hide from yourself and others that could prevent your relationships from growing deeper?
23. Have you made self-improvement such a habit that you could realistically grow with another human being for the rest of your life?
24. Have you been such a positive, inspiring and uplifting friend to yourself that you desire nothing more than to share those qualities for the benefit of a romantic partner?
25. If not, could you even pretend your relationships are based in unconditional love?
26. And if you don’t have unconditional love supporting your relationships, what does your future look like?
27. If you continued living your current relationship paradigm, what would be your outlook in five years? How about 15? How about 35?
28. If love weren’t a profound challenge, would it even be worth pursuing?
29. What is preventing you from making decisions that support the unconditional love of your life?
30. Have your decisions to not decide gotten you any closer to happiness?
31. If you decided to take responsibility for the destiny of your relationship today, how would your life be different?
32. What thoughts and behavior would you cut out?What habits would you include? What sacrifices would you make?
33. Would you be willing to delay sexual gratification for the richest friendship you can imagine?
34. Would you believe enough in your own worth to set standards that allow you to fully experience what you deserve?
35. Would you believe in your worth enough to persist in doing what is best for yourself, even when it seems impossible?
36. Would you be willing to cut out all the information in your life that says you aren’t worthy or capable, like disempowering music and movies?
37. Would you have the courage to say goodbye to toxic friends, or to finally call it quits with your partner?
38. Would you have the confidence to know you are good enough for amazing friends who support your highest development, in all respects?
39. Would you persevere in seeking out friends who can support your growth? And could you have faith that one of those friends will be the love of your life?
40. Would you have the patience to see what love revealed over the course of a playful, innocent friendship, no matter how long it took? Or would you settle for passing pleasure, and the death of a friendship?
41. Would you have the sense to place appropriate boundaries for your friendship? Would you be vulnerable enough to make mistakes and adjust your behavior, rather than your expectations?
42. Do you have what it takes to challenge your potential, day in and day out, for an entire lifetime?
If you didn’t, you would literally be the first person to ever do this. I had to throw one rhetorical question in there, just to keep you on your toes.
You’ve gotten through a ton of tough questions you’ve most likely never asked yourself before. And your reward is all of the questions you come up with after this point, and the journey you find yourself on while answering them.
For that journey, I have five assertions to help you: Make good decisions, commit to your decisions, never stop moving forward, ask good questions, and have faith. You’ll find the answers someday.
Originally published on Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission of author.