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The realization that our adolescent experiences and relationships have a direct influence over our future, for better or for worse, really hits when you have your first child. You’re responsible for their bringing them into this world, and want to help them succeed in whatever venture they choose—lawyer, doctor, astronaut, president, and so on. You have a vision of their bright future and all the possibilities, and then you get reflective about your own life journey. All the joys, the happiness, the sad moments, the betrayals, the bullying…
Resolved and unresolved issues resurface, and you wonder how many of your life decisions were supported by a negative event or relationship. If this sounds unfamiliar and isn’t the case for you, then that’s wonderful. Unfortunately, many of us have been a victim or a bully at young ages, leading to further unhealthy relationships.
One in three students have been physically or virtually bullied during the school year. According to a 2017 report from the CDC, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men suffer a form of domestic violence. Bullying and being bullied isn’t always the causation, but there is a correlation with later relationships. Sometimes bullies continue their victimization into adulthood, and sometimes the victims are unable to have a healthy relationship and lash out.
As a parent, it’s your responsibility to maintain awareness of your child’s mental and physical state, observing for behavioral changes, injuries, or aggressive behavior. If a bullying experience goes unnoticed, your child may be lining up for a difficult trajectory.
The Symptoms of Being Bullied or Bullying
It’s not just the bully victims that experience far-reaching negative consequences. Bullies, if left unchecked, are enabled by the lack of consequences. As kids mature, habits are solidified into the way things are done. Bullies will continue their abusive behavior, and it may even continue into something more dangerous.
Bullying has spanned new frontiers. Traditionally, it was considered a physical occurrence, and later professionals realized verbal bullying was just as bad. Now we have added cyberbullying, which has already negatively affected too many kids. Cyberbullying happens online, as the name suggests. Through social media and online groups, bullies can specifically target users and cause serious harm. Statistics have shown cyberbully victims are far more likely to contemplate suicide, and 70% of kids K-12 have witnessed it occur.
There are signs of these events that can warn you something is wrong.
Bully victims:
- change eating habits
- have frequent nightmares
- reflect a poor academic performance
- lose self-esteem
Bullies:
- have increased aggression
- have friends who are known to bully
- blame others
- are self-aware of reputation and popularity
The Transfer to Adulthood Relationships
22.4% of women and 15% of men were first victimized when they were between 11 and 17 years old. The wording here is important. When they were first victimized. Cyberbullying, physical bullying, and unhealthy relationships at young ages set the tone for future endeavors. Once a pattern begins, it becomes progressively harder to cease. As adolescents mature, the consequences become more apparent in multiple aspects. Suicidal thoughts, financial issues, maintaining employment, retaining lasting relationships, and more will plague bully victims, which only hurt their chances of recovery more.
How You Can Help
Bullying is a sensitive situation that requires professional help as well as support and love from friends and family. The best way to help is through identifying symptoms and offering help. Adolescents and older people have to make the choice to find help, or else it may prove to be counter-productive. Staying engaged and active in their lives reminds them that you are there to listen and help when the time is right. Of course, dire circumstances and immediate threat to health require further action and the intervention of officials. Otherwise, suicide hotlines, counselors, teachers, and you yourself have to stay aware and vigilant. You may not be able to help your kids avoid the pitfalls of bullying, but you can be there to help them process it in a healthy fashion and move forward.
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Photo credit: Getty Images