“Loving someone is not because of whether he is willing to change, instead on how long you want to stay with each other”
According to psychological research, 69% of conflicts between partners cannot be resolved. Just admit some problems just can’t be fixed so why not think about how to repair and show love after conflicts?
Have you ever had the experience of constantly arguing with your partner about the “same thing”? Have you ever had an argument with your partner and ended up wondering if he was the so-called “Mr. right”?
Many people yearn to meet the “Mr.Right” because the right person seems to mean that the relationship can be happy forever, and a good relationship can avoid conflicts and disputes. I have to say, this is 50% correct.
It is definitely important to meet the right person, but no matter how compatible and complementary the relationship is, there are still differences. Problems derived from the differences are somewhat harmless and can be solved with a smile and a step back; on the other hand, some problems can’t be solved no matter how hard you two work!
Psychologist John Gottman mentioned in the study of intimacy that from the beginning to the end of a relationship, 69% of the quarrels or disputes in the process of getting along cannot be resolved. In other words, only 31% of the problems can be resolved eventually.
Loving someone is better than loving “the possibility that he can change his habit”
You may be wondering with so many unresolved issues, how do I manage a satisfying relationship?
The key is whether we can distinguish between those parts of the relationship that can be resolved and those that cannot. Only faced with those parts that can be resolved and discussed. And for those parts that cannot be resolved, we should learn how to deal with them!
Let me give you an example: Earthquakes are natural disasters that cause human and financial damage. We cannot make earthquakes disappear but what we can do is learn how to deal with it, buy food beforehand, train how to hide, and open doors to prepare for escape, so as to avoid serious damage.
So the relationship is the same: if you know that there are some topics in the relationship that you cannot solve and cannot avoid, then what we can do is not solve this problem, but find ways to respond and adjust!
Many times we just want our partners to change for us with our expectations. But will it be difficult if you are the one who needs to change? Many people look forward to a brighter future after the problem is solved, but pause, or slow down to do ‘right’ things that are beneficial to the relationship when getting along.
Because your partner is unwilling to change, you are unwilling to communicate and interact as well. You also choose to give him the silent treatment, in return hurting each other’s feelings in disguise.
Loving someone instead of loving the extent he could change, we’ll be happier in the relationship that way.
In fact, how far a relationship can go along not depends on how many problems can be solved, but on how long you are willing to stay with him, so learn to identify those unsolvable topics instead of solving them.
How to identify? These difficult topics usually have several characteristics: “recurring”, “often inconclusive”, “refusal to communicate”, and “high emotional intensity”. Next time try to find a solution that can cope with each other.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship because no one is perfect, but we can still strive to create moments of happiness, and we can still repair and love each other after conflict and quarrels!
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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