Brandy and Leoance Williams share their perspectives on gender roles and intimacy.
Dating and marriage is often times about compromise, understanding and acceptance. Unfortunately, societal gender roles and expectations often get in the way of good, lasting relationships. Today we tackle one of those areas as we discuss Intimacy and Gender Roles. By and large, we do not have all of the answers. Rather, our conversations are from one married couple’s point of view.
From His Side:
I love being wanted. Contrary to popular belief, most men do also. We want to be desired, and devoured, but if we say that, we somehow are judged as being soft. Our role as the protector and provider, often merges into our roles as lovers too. We are the take control, make it happen people. Still, we want want to be taken too. Think about it…Usher wrote the song Trading Places. It was a hit! But how often do you hear those kinds of songs from guys? …Exactly! What you get are, “I want lay your body on the table”, “Turn off the lights, and light a candle”, “Let’s get it on”, and the list could continue. But, in each of those songs, the common denominator is, the dude is wanting and devouring his women. Why? Because that is what society expects and accepts. In fact, men who come out and have conversations about sex, to women, are viewed as creepy or stalkers. Those aren’t conversations that are welcomed at the dinner table. To that end, men do not share their desires, openly. Taking you (insert woman’s name here), is not always what your man wants. Every now and then, take him. Make him feel appreciated; I guarantee your return two-fold.
From Her Side:
Women are used to being chased and wanted. We have mastered the art of playing hard to get. Thus, it isn’t so much intentionally waiting for our guys to make the first move, as it is ignorance to the fact that men want to be chased as well. For a lot of women that I have met, we don’t want to come across too strongly or be judged as slutty and easy. Society makes is very hard for a woman to be sexually aggressive. if she is, she is a your average, garden tool sort. Likewise, there is a delicate power-play which women undergo. We do not want to “be” the man in our relationships. Thus, we are still reserved, even with our partners. It won’t hurt for our dudes to tell us they want to be wanted. It wouldn’t hurt for them to “Trade Places” either. We need to hear the vulnerabilities of guys. And if by chance a guy meets the few females who will laugh at their need to be desired, walk away. Those are the worst kinds of females to date. The overwhelming majority of us will truly appreciate the change of pace. We will, not only accept that change, but jump- literally and figuratively- all over the chance to switch roles.
Communication, as with any other part of the relationship, is key. You cannot have a healthy, thriving relationship without it. Intimacy is necessary for a successful partnership. Just remember, intimacy doesn’t always mean sex. Further, keep in mind the need to scrap gender roles.