Getting Less Attention Than You Used To? Watch This [Video]

Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)

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it’s like if someone when they were
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famous was going when I was famous
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everyone wanted to be my friend
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and now I’m not famous anymore no one
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wants to be my friend who’s being young
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like being famous a little bit
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she says hi Matthew and team I was lucky
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enough to find personal growth in my
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early twenties and learned everything
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from self-esteem interpersonal
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communication to Kundalini yoga and
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vipassana meditation I’m happy to say it
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all worked I became someone that
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attractive men would ask out and step up
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for
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there was never any hesitation to commit
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there were problems yes but commitment
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was not one of them then my mum got sick
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I alongside my dad endured a traumatic
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five years trying to save her it was
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heartbreaking seeing her suffer every
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day every bit of life was slowly
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squeezed out of her by an unknown
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illness until she suffocated after three
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years in solitude slowly losing every
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part of my own life from my successful
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career to dating I started online dating
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and opened up a new relationship
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category
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casual
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the intense grief and isolation led to
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me saying yes to relationship Dynamics I
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never would have considered before it
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was amazing deep healing sexy and fun
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but now I’m not so lonely anymore and
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I’m starting to feel happy in my life I
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stopped all casual relationships and
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have been single for a year I have a new
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successful career amazing friends I lost
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10 pounds and am doing well in all areas
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except my romantic story guys not
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wanting to commit or just wanting to be
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casual or not available or really
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awesome available guys asking me out but
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the attraction is not mutual I feel like
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something in me broke what happened to
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me and what can I do when we go through
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difficult things in our life
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they
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they can really kind of mess us up in a
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way that makes it hard for us to have
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that same energy that we had
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before
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life can kind of beat us down
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and make it hard for us to come back
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with that same play sense of play that
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same sense of
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of joy that same sense of why died
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kind of exploration
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that can be very very attractive to
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people
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now I also think that what you’ve been
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through the suffering that you’ve been
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through is one of the things that makes
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you more attractive but it’s a different
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kind of Attraction you have to be really
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careful of comparing the attention that
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you’re getting now to the attention that
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you
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got when you were in your early twenties
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because the kind of attention you got in
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your early 20s was different it may have
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felt the same in other words it may be
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like no no it wasn’t just people wanting
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to go home with me it was people who
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wanted to commit to me
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well I would argue that
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in many of those cases it was coming
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from a different place
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I worry that you’re kind of holding on
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to a story
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of how many people willing to commit to
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you in your early 20s
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that isn’t it doesn’t actually have any
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bearing
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on
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real life and real commitment in the
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same way that it’s like it’s like if
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someone when they were famous was going
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when I was famous everyone wanted to be
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my friend
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hmm and now I’m not famous anymore no
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one wants to be my friend it’s like yeah
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but when you were famous they weren’t
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real friendships 99 of them
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they weren’t real friendships so it I
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actually value more the friendship you
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have now the one friendship you get when
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you’re not famous I value more than a
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hundred friendships or 500 friendships
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you got when you were famous I love that
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analogy
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that’s really Chef who’s being young
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like being famous a little bit
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a little bit it’s sort of a superficial
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status like it’s a yeah you might be you
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might be sexier to some people and they
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just suddenly put you on a a certain
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level yeah but it’s like real literally
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Skin Deep I mean it doesn’t it’s not uh
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durable the attention that you get as a
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woman
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and I speak from experience in your 20s
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it’s like
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it is a bit like being famous you know
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whatever it’s and it’s just a natural
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thing that as you get older you don’t
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get the same kind of attention but I
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don’t really think that’s a bad thing
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because as you say the intention you get
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is far more meaningful and you actually
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come across people who you know want to
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get to know you to see whether you could
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be a good life partner I just think it’s
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it’s incomparable there’s just a
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different phase of your life and then
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your 40s is a different phase in your
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50s it’s a different phase and
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you know you just you have to make peace
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with the things
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that are better in different decades and
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worse in different decades and I think
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you you know I always say this to my
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friends but it’s like I’m 32 years old
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and I always say I will never be 21
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years old again I will never look like a
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21 year old I just I just won’t and
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that’s okay because
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I don’t that that cannot be your value
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and it’s just because it means that you
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have half or
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you know 90 less attention as a result
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of it it doesn’t matter you know it
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doesn’t matter it was just a different
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phase
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and that’s just life as it is now and it
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sounds like you still have options and
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still people people are still attracted
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to you so
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it’s all good I think you answered so
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many things but there is that one part
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where life can happen to us and it can
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steal our mojo or at least it can just
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sort of like suck that youthful Vibrance
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out of you and and yeah the death of her
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mom here in a long a long painful
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sickness that can have a huge effect on
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just how you’re interacting with the
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world and how and how you’re entering
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that space and how people are seeing you
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so what do you do in that scenario well
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I I think for one thing
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everything that you’ve been through what
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it does is it opens you up
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to humility
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it opens you up to a feeling that oh I
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am like
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other people and I can my God given what
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I’ve been through I can relate to more
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people now
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I can relate to the struggles that
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people go through I can relate to the
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difficulties man I can relate to the
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women now that say that no one is
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committing or that I feel like I’m going
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to get left on the shelf or I feel like
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something changed and I’m no longer as
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attractive as I once was I can relate to
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all of these things and that
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relatability is really really powerful
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it’s powerful in attraction
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because when someone gets to know the
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depth of you
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if they’ve suffered if they’ve been
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through things which by the way doesn’t
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make them any less attractive you
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couldn’t get incredibly Attractive
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people who still have the depth and the
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humility of someone who’s who’s been
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through a lot
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but when they see that in you there’s a
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chance at a real connection what you
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might have to get used to
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is the kind of humility that you have
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begun to arrive at in your life
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does not announce itself as loudly as 22
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year old charisma
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it’s quieter
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and it takes longer to appreciate
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and
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you know when you you know when you say
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like about a friend you you know you get
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that friend who’s like immediately like
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exciting and glossy and whatever and
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you’re like oh my God they’re amazing
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and then you’re not friends a month
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later and then there’s the friend that
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after a year of knowing them you’re like
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you know I really appreciate about that
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friend of mine
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they never talk about people
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they never like they’re not a gossip
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they don’t they’re not mean
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I Really they don’t they don’t talk
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about people I really trust them
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because there’s lots of times where I
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know I’ve been known them long enough to
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know they could have said some really
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bad words and and they didn’t and you
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come to appreciate that about that
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friend and it creates a much deeper
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connection
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that’s not something you say on week two
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of knowing someone
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there’s something you can only say when
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you’ve known someone for a little longer
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so none of this means there won’t be a
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media attraction for you in the future
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but it’s just to say that
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I don’t I don’t think walking into a
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room
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I get the attention that I might have
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gotten at a different stage in my life
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but I also know that that’s because I
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walk into a room differently
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I also know this because there’s a
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there’s a kind of understatedness or
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humility about me today because I don’t
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need to announce
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myself in a loud fashion
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I don’t feel the need to to make
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everyone like me I don’t feel the need
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to work the room at the party and and be
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the life and soul I just don’t feel that
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need anymore and so I don’t get as much
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attention
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as I used to but the kind of attention
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that I tend to get is is real
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it’s people who who see me and go oh I
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like that guy I like what he’s about
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what you’re I feel like on some level
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coming to terms with is that you’re
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coming back out into the
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into the dating world
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and you’re actually having to to exist
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without so much attention
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and to
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be patient like a tent you don’t have to
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be patient for attention you even saw
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that when you when you started dating
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again and you made it all casual
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right when you go into the dating world
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and you’re like I’m gonna have a year of
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being casual is attention in short
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supply
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for a lot of people no because there’s
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people willing to give you that
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attention at the drop of a hat if you
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say hey I’m available and there’s no
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strings attached
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you’re gonna get attention and that
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attention initially is going to feel
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good but what it left you feeling at the
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end of it is not really fulfilled
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so you decided now and not enough with
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that I’m going to go down a different
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route
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but
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that different route might be a route
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where you have to be a little more
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patient and actually
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exist in a world where attention isn’t
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the main currency
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and I know you’re not asking for
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attention I know you’re asking for
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commitment
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but the kind of commitment you really
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want isn’t men or falling over
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themselves to marry you right that’s
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like imagine Beauty and the Beast who’s
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the character in Beauty and the Beast
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that women are all falling over
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themselves to to marry
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Gaston Gaston Gaston’s an idiot Gaston
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is the best Disney character yeah you
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love Gaston oh he’s brilliant but you
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love him because he’s such a textbook
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narcissist yeah I I
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but you know Gaston’s a and those
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people don’t feel a real connection with
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him
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they’ve just got this image of him that
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they’re all running towards and they
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think that they’re going to be more by
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getting him he can eat a dozen eggs as
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well according to the song
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No when he was younger he used to eat a
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dozen eggs but now he’s a grown man he’s
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five doesn’t it five dozen eggs how many
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eggs no now he’s a grown man he’s five
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dozen eggs so he’s roughly the size of
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the barge yeah obviously I’m very
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constipated
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which may explain the size of the bar
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um but but I kind of liken it to that
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it’s it’s not it’s not real you want
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commitment
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take your time be patient keep being the
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right things keep keep being the having
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the character but one adjustment I would
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make is really focus on having a
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character of openness
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and and push forward with that humility
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in a way that invites people into your
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world without judgment
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with curiosity
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and then with a little you add a little
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playfulness and flirtation into that mix
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too
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and I promise you you have a cocktail
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that is gonna
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um that is going to create commitment in
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the right person
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wait I know that cat videos are
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beckoning you I do I understand but
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before you go and watch them I have
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something that will change your life
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more than those kittens and it is a free
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video on what you can text someone to
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make it go in a serious Direction
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instead of some mindless
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sexual frivolity to get this video for
12:53
free go to what to textnext.com I’m
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going there right now

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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