Dating has become more complicated than I thought it would be and it comes with new terms.
What is Ghosting?
Ghosting is ending communication with someone without having to have a conversation about it—basically cutting off someone without their knowledge.
Yes,
It’s exactly as bad as it sounds,
If you ask me ghosting is a coping mechanism for cowards not to face a mature conversation and is more complicated than just stopping talking or seeing a person because what about that person’s feelings? Doesn’t that person deserve an explanation?
I don’t consider ghosting if is a person you talk to for a few weeks or just hung out once, that’s a normal interaction, I think ghosting comes when is a person you have been talking to for months and hanging out to know each other or even dating.
Is inconsiderate to make someone invest their time and feelings just to be gone without a warning, It would create a mess of emotions, and that person will be asking themself what they did wrong? what is missing? not knowing it doesn’t have anything to do with themself but the person who ghosted.
I heard a lot of stories of ghosting and what comes to my mind is always: someone who can’t communicate and ultimately someone who doesn’t have empathy.
If you don’t like this person enough if their actions do not match what you are looking for, can even be that everything is alright but the sex is awful, I believe is something you can communicate without leaving someone’s life without any explanation.
People often think ghosting just harms the people who have been ghosted truth is in the long run will harm the ghoster in the first place, it leads to always leaving things inconclusive, never being able to have a healthy relationship, and creating a bag they carried everywhere, along with a list of people they disappointed.
Don’t be a Coward.
That’s what ghosting makes you—a person who rather takes the easy way just for a momentary relief that will have consequences later on.
Being able to have a real and honest conversation takes so much courage to understand people’s feelings and share yours not just for your own benefit.
The person who was ghosted will realize that it wasn’t their fault and the ghoster will be just a child who didn’t know how to show up and speak for themself.
Alternatives to Ghosting.
Instead of using the easy way, have an honest conversation.
If this person has been a while in your life, just meet up and say your peace and the reason why you do not want to keep seeing them, if it isn’t possible to have this conversation in person, just call them or even text will be better than just disappearing.
Here are some things you could say that are way better than when you just stop answering:
“It’s been nice getting to know you however I don’t feel like is working between us, I respect your time and feelings and don’t wanna waste it. I hope you can understand”
“I really enjoy the time we spend together but at the moment it isn’t what I was looking for, I think you are a great person just not for me”
“I appreciate all the effort and time you put into spending time together but I don’t see us in the long term and I don’t wanna waste your time and energy”
“It’s been so great getting to know you, however, I don’t think we are compatible as a couple”
“I care about you and I think you are wonderful, but I don’t think we share the same goals and values”
“I really like you and it has been so fun to get to know you and share this time together, unfortunately, this is a connection I do not want to continue pursuing because it has been too much to handle with our different personalities, but I do hope you find someone who can make you happy”
These things you can even say it in a text and it would depend on the situation in which you don’t wanna pursue the relationship either way you can rephrase it to your current situation. Start with something nice about your time together and then be honest.
If you don’t feel like making it a deep conversation because maybe was someone who you just hang out 1–2 months just keep it simple about how you don’t want to waste their time and don’t see a future with them.
If is someone who you have been dating for a while, that requires a little more explanation because is someone who already made you part of their life for a long time, but just as in any situation being honest about how you feel, if you kept hanging in out with them for so long is because you did like something about them so honored that and have an honest conversation about it.
You cannot control how this person will feel after you cut ties with them but surely will feel better if is with an honest conversation than dissipating, maybe at first it would be hurtful as letting go always is, but with time they will realize there was someone who was honest and that is the kindest thing you can do for someone.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Febe Vanermen on Unsplash
