“I don’t want her to look at me and wonder WHAT IF… yet I also don’t want to lose her.” Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt suggests…
Question: My girlfriend was just offered an internship in London over the summer. This is an amazing opportunity for her but she is saying if I don’t go with her, she is going to turn it down. While I love her, I haven’t really thought about a future with her (come on – I am only 23!) I don’t want her to look at me and wonder what if but I also don’t want to lose her.
Answer: Such a great question and you have every right to feel the way you do. That’s a LOT of pressure to put on you to go with her, or deal with her choice not to go if you don’t. Whew!
Love is powerful… not all foofy and soft… it can be bold and fierce. I say this because fierce love of self and fierce love of your girlfriend would enliven you to speak your truth… And it’s possible that what society ‘calls’ love which often means self sacrifice or acting from obligation could make either one of you regret your choice and potentially blame that on the other… which is another way of saying FEAR is in charge, not love.
What I mean is that it seems your truth is that you haven’t thought about a future with her.
Yet she’s acting in a way that is afraid to lose you.
And you’ve admitted that you don’t want to lose her.
Fear of loss… is well, fear. Outcomes get sabotaged when we do that.
Yet fierce LOVE creates the best for all concerned, it’s the most powerful energy and yet sometimes the hardest to connect to because you have to move through the layers of fear of rejection, being abandoned, being alone, being made wrong, feeling guilty, etc.
So TRUTH, great man. What choice would be your deepest truth? Communicate that with kindness, honesty and in a ‘sandwich’. A sandwich is when you begin and end the conversation with gratitude, acknowledgment, a loving statement that allows for the ‘meat’ of your message to be heard without defense.
Bottom line is this is a GREAT opportunity to either take your relationship to the next level of depth, of commitment, of honesty, of connection, of surrender… because if you go just to please her, that’s inauthentic and will ultimately bite you in the ass. If she’s doesn’t go because of fear of losing you, the pressure on you might ultimately push you away. Yet if you TALK together in an honoring intimate real and authentic way… miracles are possible.
And if you require support, jump on a Strategy Session Call together and learn one of the BEST SKILLS you’ll ever have in sitting in the fire and communicating your truth that will allow THIS and EVERY relationship you have to have it’s best chance at thriving!
I JUST had a coaching call with a new client whose step daughter is getting married and he just divorced her mother and WHEW… lots of uncomfy feelings! He wanted to sugar coat it all which isn’t going to create peace, connection and possibility… so we went through this powerful process I teach my clients and he found the strength in his vulnerability… he found his center and truth. So powerful. Such a gift to himself and his step daughter.
You can do it too.
And if you’d like to learn more about what’s possible in being grounded, centered and speaking your truth, I’d love to provide you with my complementary report for men found at www.GetHerToSayYes.com. And if you’d like to connect the three of us in a profound, authentic, safe, honoring, honest conversation that will leave both of you being heard, respected and lifted to your highest possibilities, email my [email protected].
Bottom line, you know your truth. With love… live it without apology.