William C Hannon said.:
“Sometimes, all you can do is lie in bed and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart.”
This quote pretty much describes my life for the last two months. I won’t go into details. The emotions are too intense for me to verbalize. So I’ll just say that it’s been extremely difficult to function.
I want to smoke (a lot). I want to drink (a lot). I want to take my sleeping pill (It’s only three in the afternoon). I want to double my anxiety meds.
I want the pain to go away, but it’s a hard-headed bastard twice my size.
I’ve concluded that aside from having brain surgery to make me stop thinking or a heart transplant to make me stop feeling, I’m stuck with this grief for a while.
You too?
I’m guessing if you’re reading this that maybe a part of you is also coming apart at the seams. Feeling like you’ve fallen into a ten-foot well with slick bottomed shoes and grease-covered sides.
Then do this. (I’ll do it too after I finish writing).
Curl up into a ball. Cry. Ugly cry.
Ugly cry so much your snot drips down your nose, your breath turns ragged, and your shoulders heave with the depth of your sorrow.
Don’t read inspirational quotes. Refuse calls from loving friends you know will try to make you laugh or cheer you up. Burn up the quotes on your desk reminding you to count your blessings.
Allow yourself to be broken. Let yourself surrender to the pain.
Then…..
Invite it in for a visit.
As a matter of fact, make love to it. Let it touch you everywhere. Let it plunge its way inside you until it’s satisfied.
Because sometimes, that’s the only way you can begin to heal.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Sam Moghadam Khamseh on Unsplash