Going Through a Bad Breakup? These 13 Proven Tips Will Help You to Move On

Only a person who has gone through a breakup knows how it feels. Nothing works, nothing feels right after the breakup. The universe seems to have conspired against you.

Coping with a bad breakup is tough beyond measure. You can change the course of your life in a bad way if you’re going through a bad breakup and don’t know how to cope with it.

The universe seems to have conspired against you

The post-breakup period is crucial. You know you have to do something — anything to get your ex back, but in most cases, there’s nothing you can do that’ll patch things up as before.

Emotional strength plays a key role to ride you through the breakup period. But then again, moving on seems impossible when you think your ex is ‘the one’.

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger

I learned to get over my break up the hard way. Dealing with the breakup taught me a great many things and made me a better person.

Here are 13 hard-earned tips that I learned from my breakup and which, I believe, will equally be helpful for you if you put them into practice.

1. Do not contact your ex

The first thing the person being dumped in a breakup do is deny it. Whereas, the process would be much easier if he did the opposite.

You had a breakup and whether you admit it or not, your relationship is over for good. If your ex is not into you anymore, then technically you’re not in a relationship. So be practical and accept the fact. The earlier you can accept your breakup, the easier it will be to deal with it.

If your ex is not into you anymore, then technically you’re not in a relationship.

We can’t have everything we want in our life. Some things are beyond our control. We can control our own behaviors and how we react to certain events, but we can’t control how another person will behave.

We can talk it over and try to make them understand. Sometimes that’s the best we can do.

Everyone has their own preferences. The beauty of preference is it changes with time. Just because you are someone’s top priority today doesn’t guarantee that you will still be tomorrow.

Checking your phone every few minutes is a common behavior after a breakup. You want to know whether she misses you the same. But in most cases, the exes don’t.

Things change. People change. And it’s time you did too. Let go of your past and move on.

We can control our own behaviors and how we react to certain events, but we can’t control how another person will behave

Block your ex on your phone right after the breakup. Remove all her contact numbers from your phone.

If you keep her contact numbers you’ll have the urge to contact her. So deleting her numbers is the way to go.

Stay away from social media, especially the ones you both are on. It’s better if you can delete your social media accounts altogether.

I know it’s not easy to do. Maybe you’re not ready for this. But you weren’t ready for the breakup either. Right?

When you broke up with someone you love, nothing really matters anymore

If deleting Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. is not an option for you, that’s okay too. These platforms give you the option to temporarily deactivate your account, which of course, you can reactivate later.

It may not seem possible for you to remove yourself altogether from certain social media platforms. In this case, block your ex on those platforms.

Do not post about your relationship on social media either. It doesn’t help. You are fighting with your emotions right now and so it’s better to refrain from posting anything at all.

You might end up posting something that you’ll regret later. Now we don’t want that, do we?

2. Don’t seek revenge or blame yourself either

Do not play the blame game. She did or didn’t do that, she could’ve done that, or why she didn’t do that — these thought patterns will crowd your mind after the breakup.

But these won’t be beneficial for you in any way at all. They will make your life miserable instead.

Get rid of these thoughts if you have any. Think practically and objectively instead — what went wrong, what was the warning signs you missed, etc.

When you were in the relationship, you were kind of blind to her faults. Everything she did was okay with you, even if they were not in reality. Now is the perfect time to reflect upon those issues.

Think practically and objectively instead — what went wrong, what was the warning signs you missed, etc.

It will help to identify the key issues objectively that played major roles in the breakup. This way you will learn more about yourself, too.

Your future self will thank you for this exercise. Even if the breakup wasn’t your fault in any way, you’ll gain more perspective on relationships nonetheless.

3. Make a list of things you hate about your ex

Making a list of things you hate about your ex is mentally satisfying. It uplifts your mood and makes you feel good.

Take a pen and paper and try to remember everything you hated about your ex. Jot down whatever comes to mind. It may seem like a trivial thing, but you do it nonetheless. You can always thank me later.

Making a list of things you hate about your ex is mentally satisfying

For the sake of your relationship, you didn’t say anything about one thing or another back then. You decided to turn a blind eye to her faults.

But now that you got the opportunity to list them all down, there’s no better time to clear your mind. This list would signal your subconscious mind that your breakup was the natural thing that ensued.

4. Remove all her memories

There was a time when your ex mattered the most to you. Now that she’s gone, there’s no point in keeping your ex’s memories in your possession anymore. No matter how tough it may seem to remove your ex’s memories from your life, do it anyway.

Get rid of all her photos, gifts and everything else with which you both have memories together.

These have the tendency to remind you of your ex whenever you see them. They will make it tough for you to move on. So throw away the stuff that reminds you of her.

There was a time when your ex mattered the most to you. Now that she’s gone, there’s no point in keeping your ex’s memories in your possession anymore

Delete all photos, videos and other digital memorabilia of your ex from your phones, laptops and other electronic gadgets.

You might be tempted to keep them because they remind you of your happy times together. But do not fall into this mind trap. Your mind says many things and you shouldn’t listen to all of them. And this is one of them.

Removing your ex’s memories: be it in digital or physical form, will help you to get over her faster and easily. The earlier you can get rid of them, the better.

5. Cry it all out

It’s okay to cry, even for a man. Real men do cry. The more emotionally engaged you were in the relationship, usually the deeper wound the breakup will leave. So naturally, it would take more time to move on.

But that’s okay. Take your time. Do not rush. It’s not like you will miss the bus or something. Take control of your emotions slowly, but surely.

Let the tears flow. I cried almost every day for 2 months after my breakup. I woke up from sleep crying, I cried throughout the day while doing something and before going to bed at night. It was as if crying was the only job I had at that time.

Take control of your emotions slowly, but surely

Cry it all out if it need be. Do not suppress your emotions after the breakup. It’ll adversely affect your mental health.

6. You do not need closure

Closure after a breakup is overrated. It is mentally tolling and a waste of your time.

No matter what your inner self is trying to tell you, you do not need to clarify your position or why you did something to your ex. You had a breakup and that’s my friend is a closure in itself.

Relationship is like a glass. Once broken, you can add the pieces together but it won’t be the same

Do not look back and imagine what if I had done this or that? There’s no point now to show the other party that you were right all along. It won’t bring back the relationship.

Maybe it will. But why take the chance? Relationship is like a glass. Once broken, you can add the pieces together but it won’t be the same.

Get out of your head, face the reality and be practical. Move on, cause that’s the rational thing to do now.

7. Do not try to befriend your ex

You can’t be friends with your ex as you were emotionally engaged with her. Now after your breakup, if you want to stay in touch with her your emotions will get involved again.

No matter how hard you try, you cannot discard emotions completely when it comes to your ex. Befriending your ex will remind you of your good old days and make you want to have her back, yet again.

Don’t fool yourself. Keeping your emotions off the relationship with your ex is impossible.

You cannot discard emotions completely when it comes to your ex

I tried to prove it wrong and went ahead befriending my ex. The result was disastrous. It was like stabbing a wound with a knife.

Many seemingly impossible tasks are there worth doing, but befriending your ex is not one of them.

8. Keep yourself busy with works that need undivided attention

Spending time idly after the breakup is a bad idea. Consciously or unconsciously, your mind will wander about all the past good memories of you two together when it gets the chance. In time, it’ll feel like thinking about her is the only thing you were born to do.

Tears will flow down the cheeks whenever you remember her. You will cry after waking up and before going to sleep at night. And that’s normal.

The best antidote to a cry-baby situation like this is to engage yourself in anything that keeps your mind busy.

If you are determined enough to move on, your mind will follow

Keeping your mind off your ex is the most tricky part. Use attention-seeking-work as a distraction for your mind.

It’s nearly impossible to do anything but remembering your ex in the first few days. But remember that anything is possible if you set your mind to it. If you are determined enough to move on, your mind will follow.

This is not the best time to stay in your home, or worse, keep yourself locked in your room. Go outside often. Go on a trip, even if it’s a solo trip.

This will refresh your mind, fill yourself with optimism and motivate you to start your life anew.

9. Change your lifestyle

It’s easy to neglect your body when you think there’s nothing to live for, now that you had a breakup. But for your own sake, take good care of your body even more now.

Your body is precious. But your ex was not. This body of yours is the only one you got and will carry you up to the last breathe. So why would you deprive it of its’ basic necessities for someone who doesn’t even care for you anymore?

Nothing feels good in bad health. The breakup period is a good time to lose sense of your body. Don’t do that. Take good care of your body so that it can carry you afterward.

Why would you deprive your body of its’ basic necessities for someone who doesn’t even care for you anymore?

Take a bath regularly. Eat healthy foods on time. Take enough sleep. Exercise daily.

Go outside to take a walk in nature. Meet with new people. Talk with strangers. Spend time with family members and friends more.

10. Invest time in improving yourself

You are the most vulnerable after your breakup. Your life is upside down and negative energy is greatest. In time, it’ll feel like you’re at the lowest point of your life.

The only way you can go from here is forward. So why not turn this negative energy into a positive drive and use it to your advantage?

This is the point of your life when you don’t care about anything anymore. Now if you can set your mind to anything, you can do it anyhow.

Think of something you wanted to do for a long time, but didn’t do for whatever reason. Maybe you were afraid of failure, or maybe your ex didn’t want you to do it?

Do something that requires strong willpower and maximum effort, that you otherwise wouldn’t be able to do. This is the perfect time to do anything worthwhile. Your mind is now reckless enough to go into any adventure of your choice.

The only way you can go from here is forward

Make a list of things you could do. Discover new interests. Learn new things. Develop new skills.

Set goals and track them from time to time. If you can stick to the routine, you will go a long way with your goals.

Decide where you want to see yourself in 5 years. Make your future self in 5 years the hero of your life. Now do everything that will turn this present-you into future-you.

This way you will build a version of yourself that’s independent, successful and happy.

11. Admire the people who truly add values to your life

Do not take any relationship for granted. When you start taking your relationship for granted, it’ll get weaker. Instead of thinking about the person who dumped you, think about the persons you still have in your life, who add values to your life.

Thinking about your ex, who is probably busy with her own life, isn’t the best use of your time.

Focus instead on your current relationships with your parents and friends that bring joy to your life.

Your ex moved on. It’s time you did too. Life doesn’t wait for anyone, neither did she. So what are you waiting for?

Sometimes in life we make mistakes by watering the weeds while cutting down the trees

Spend more time with the people who mean something to you. Value people in your life who love you for who you are.

12. You will fall in love again

You will find love again after the breakup and that’s totally normal. No one says you can love only once in your life.

I loved my ex more than myself. After we broke up I thought I wouldn’t be able to love anyone again. Heck, I thought I wouldn’t be able to live anymore!

I was so into her that I decided not to get married ever. But here I am after 3 years of my breakup — happily married to an amazing woman. And I love my wife. Hint: it’s not because she’s my wife.

No one says you can love only once in your life

Get over yourself if you think she was your one true love. If she really were, then you two would be together now. But she isn’t with you, is she?

You will meet the love of your life again. The one destined for you will truly be yours. Believe you me.

13. Learn from it

Your past relationship and the breakup that ensued work as lessons for your future relationships

Your breakup can be a great learning experience for you. You had a breakup as your relationship didn’t work. Something just wasn’t right in your relationship. Otherwise, you would still be in the relationship.

Try to find out what went wrong. Was it something you did? Or, maybe something went unnoticed? Find out the real reason behind it objectively and learn from it.

Everything becomes clear in hindsight. Your past relationship and the breakup that ensued work as lessons for your future relationships.

I’m a survivor. I didn’t expect I’d live to breathe without my ex. But after enough crying, I said to hell with crying for someone who doesn’t give a dime about me. I used my worst experience in life into building my best self.

No matter which situation you’re currently in after the breakup, know that in time everything will be okay. You will find meaning in your life if you stay true to yourself. You will find your love again.

Believe in yourself and follow the tips I’ve shared with you. This too shall pass.

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Previously published on medium

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