Green Flags in Dating

Long conversations do not turn boring

Does spending time with them make you want to spend more time with them? Has it happened that you have spoken to this person for hours losing track of time? You stayed up all night talking! And it was fun, you liked it.

That is a good sign.

If you can be with them for hours without being bored, it says that you might be able to spend a fun life with them. However, time alone does not matter, what matters is the quality of time spent. You can spend only 2 hours with someone and feel great as opposed to spending 10 hours with someone and feeling drained.

The basic point is if you can spend quality time with someone for long hours, the person might just be a keeper.

You feel heard

Do you remember Rachel telling Ross that she knows Emily likes him because she spent her entire last evening in the USA talking to his friends, asking stories about him (not digging up his past!), and going through his childhood photo albums? She is clearly interested in him and his life. (Again, not trying to dig up dirt but rather trying to get to know him more.)

They pay attention to the conversations that you are having, they remember what you said earlier about important topics. They care about your opinions and would actively listen to them, even if they might not always agree with them.
They take interest in your interests. They would put the effort into knowing you more: your hobbies, your likes, your dislikes, etc. Knowing more about who you are and what you enjoy matters to them.

The Gandhi Rule

There’s this Indian Movie called Lage Raho Munna Bhai in which a girl asks how should she judge a guy she is going on a first date with. Gandhi asks her to evaluate how he behaves with those who are not at par with him in financial and social status. Since the date happened to be in a restaurant, behavior with the waiter is a good sign. If they are respectful to the waiter, it is a green flag. If not, run away!

When you are with them, judge if they are patient and able to handle stress well. Even if it just means waiting for their food, are they bad-mouthing the waitstaff? The table that you booked did not get booked, are they being calm about it or are they overreacting?

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What you are looking for is kindness, calmness, and the ability to deal with stressful situations.

You feel comfortable with who you are

You do not worry about admitting that you like pineapple on pizza, that you hate parties, and that you love to read.

Pretense is not a sustainable strategy for healthy relationships. It is okay to feel anxious while meeting someone new but if you are beginning to feel calm and at ease around this person, it is a good sign. You do not worry obsessively over how you are presenting yourself, you feel respected for who you are, and you do not feel judged for every move.

I was friends with a guy with whom I could spend hours talking, it was fun hanging out with him but as we came closer, I realized that he did not respect me for who I am, he would often pass belittling statements about my choices, and cutting him out of my life was my best decision ever.

Make sure that you feel comfortable with the person you are dating. Crucial for long-lasting relationship success.

They pay attention to you

If when they are with you, they cannot keep their phone down — red flag!

If you are spending time with someone and they keep checking their phone, it shows that they are not taking interest in the conversation or maybe in you as well. It does not say anything about you being a boring person, nor does it mean that they are a bad person, it just says that you two are finding it hard to engage.

Both of you must feel engaged in the conversation and prioritize spending time with one another every now and then. There has to be a healthy balance. Do not expect attention 24*7, it can very easily become toxic for the relationship. But you both must have timely rituals of meeting and when you two do meet, the priority must be spending a good time together.

You feel happy (Blush Blush!)

They make you smile
You feel happy around them
You feel comfortable
You feel cared for
You feel loved
You feel nurtured.
You feel liked for who you are

You can’t stop blushing thinking about the time that you have spent together. If coming back from dates with them makes you want to plan a second date, that is a green flag!

IMPORTANT WORD

Do not trust just one sign and continue being with the other person even if they are lacking all other signs. All of these green flags must be present in the dating period. If not, you have not found a keeper yet.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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