Shanna Anderson shows us all that jealousy realizes only negative outcomes.
—
There’s not a person reading this who hasn’t felt a twinge of jealousy at one point in their lives. I’m tempted to say it’s human-nature but mammalian-nature would be more accurate, as it’s not only displayed by humans but in the animal kingdom as well.
“For months, the girls loved on Rambo without too much attention from the opposing female.
Hannah would cuddle in next to him while he slept and Barbie would perch herself on his back for a nap.
Then, one day, Hannah discovered Barbie lying next to Rambo, pulling bits of hay from his fur.
And that was it; with one swift motion, Hannah head-butted Barbie and sent her down the aisle of the barn.” — One Green Planet
The difference between humans and animals is that we have the ability to recognize and handle these emotions appropriately. We know, or should, that it’s not acceptable to go around head-butting people (even verbally) because their actions are causing us to be unhappy. The next time you feel yourself turning green, breathe and consider what comes next.
♦◊♦
When your hurt is displayed as jealousy, it puts your insecurities on display for the world to see – or at least your inner circle.
While it is important that you, personally, acknowledge and work on your insecurities, do you really want to expose them to everyone? Recognize and admit it as an issue. Realize it has very little to do with your partner. Identify that it is about YOU – where you feel you’re, or your relationship, is lacking or failing. Fix whatever within you needs to be fixed – go to counseling.
Whatever the cause, jealousy is a negative emotion that can only spawn negative actions and reactions.
|
Try individual therapy if it’s something internal; maybe you weren’t taught as a child to identify different emotions and only know anger; maybe you’ve had bad experiences with relationships and your mistrust is carrying into your current relationship; or maybe you’re simply spoiled and accustomed getting your own way. Whatever the cause, jealousy is a negative emotion that can only spawn negative actions and reactions.
Seek couples counseling if it’s something in your relationship, and talking about it one-on-one with your partner isn’t doing the trick. Sometimes having an unbiased third party can bring things into perspective, and can help communicate what the two parties are failing to effectively express.
It drives a wedge between yourself and your partner.
Jealousy does not display how much you love your partner, instead the accusations indicate that you don’t trust them. You cannot have love without trust. Even if the accusations aren’t pointed toward them – a person shows your partner too much attention for your liking – acting a fool over it tells your partner you don’t trust THEM. You don’t trust them to be faithful, or you don’t trust them to handle the situation appropriately; which also displays a lack of respect for your partner.
Your partner could be otherwise very happy in your relationship, but acting as if you distrust and don’t respect them – even for a single instance – will plant a seed of doubt in their mind and heart that will deeply embed itself and grow until it cannot be contained, quite likely ruining any chance you had at a successful relationship.
Behaving like your partner’s friends are the spawn of the devil and are going to lead them directly into the arms of another person is not going to convince them to stay home with you.
|
People expect others to behave the way they would, so acting this way could cause speculation as to whether YOU are faithful. Most people don’t consider the thought that the guilty party is usually the first to make accusations, until they’re the ones standing accused.
It alienates those around you.
Behaving like your partner’s friends are the spawn of the devil and are going to lead them directly into the arms of another person is not going to convince them to stay home with you. In fact, it’s going to make them run for the door to escape your nonsense, and possibly not for the evening, but permanently.
It doesn’t solve, or even begin to address, the actions (if any) that led you to feel this way. If your partner is going out with their friends instead of spending time with you and that leaves you feeling neglected or disappointed, for the love of God, say so! If you speak to them calmly about how you’re feeling, even if they go, they’ll have your point of view lingering in their thoughts and will be considering what plans they’re going to make with their loving other half to make up for the time apart.
♦◊♦
Acting irately, on the other hand, overshadows the point of why you wanted them to stay home. The reason you’re upset will be lost, and the focus of their thoughts will be entirely on what a jealous, unreasonable asshole you are. Which will undoubtedly lead to them voicing it to the friends they confide in. They may have thought you were perfect for their friend, up until this point; but knowing your partner deserves to be treated with trust and respect, they’re going to begin looking out for their friend. At the least, they’ll make it clear your partner shouldn’t accept that kind of behavior, they’ll not ever look at you the same, and if you continue to act this way the encouragement to leave you will begin. Yes, just like that, YOU sealed your own fate.
Photo Credit: Antoine K/flickr
Wow, this article eloquently addressed what I suspected to be the results of my own jealous behavior within my relationship. It takes a mature confident outlook to recognize that displaying jealously is the worst choice. Thank you for depicting this message so well. I am refreshed and instilled with new confidence.