Question: I have been in love two times in my life and both people cheated! Why is it so hard to find a good person that you can trust?
Answer: I’m so sorry for the pain that you’ve gone through with two of the loves of your life cheating on you. I understand the frustration of finding a good person you can trust with your whole heart.
There is an intelligence from just our mind… and then there’s a deeper intelligence in our hearts and in our guts.
I remember back in my earlier naïve days I figured nobody could ever lie and nobody could ever want to hurt somebody, right? I didn’t understand that depending on somebody’s values… the very same decision could be seen as completely appropriate or absolutely abominable.
In the past I would take it so personally if somebody betrayed me, abandoned me, lied to me, turned against me, cheated on me etc.… And yet what I learned was that from their point of view and their value system, their choices were completely appropriate. It really felt like being blindsided and it was crushing. I was just unaware that other people thought differently and made decisions differently than I did.
Then I began to learn to make decisions not just based on face value but watching somebody’s actions, not just listening to the words. I learned to trust my heart, my gut, my instincts and my intuitio and discovered that I was often times aware of something unspoken or unsaid. This began to be a discernment and awareness that could protect and honor me.
Trust is an interesting phenomenon… Disneyland fairytale fantasy movies teach us to trust in Prince charming and disown our discernment. Trust is not really about giving away your awareness to another person blindly… it’s about deeply trusting your own intuition to know who somebody is and trust they are going to be exactly who they are.
If in getting to know somebody they talk about having cheated on someone in the past… Bingo! They just showed you who they were! Trust them to be who they are. Don’t go into victim mode that because they love you and because you’re good enough somehow they’re never going to cheat on you. Wrong! Trust they will be who they are!
Sometimes there’s a wounded part of us that seeks out somebody unhealthy hoping they’ll choose to be honorable with us… which proves that we are finally good enough. That’s a recipe for disaster, yes?
People who cheat have fear of intimacy, phobia of commitment and discomfort sitting in the fire. They probably don’t know how to feel, process and alchemize their emotions into wisdom. They are seeking validation from the outside in… in the form of cheating… avoiding the deeper mature work of navigating intense emotions in an intimate healthy relationship.
In all honesty, do you cheat on your heart my love? Do you say yes when you mean no? Do you have an intimate relationship with your little you? This pattern could be an invitation that it’s time for you to stop cheating on your values and stop settling and talking yourself out of your truth. Are you able to sit in your own fire inside your being and breathe until the wisdom or insight reveals itself?
Given this is all you’ve written, I’ve done my best to support you. However given this is a painful pattern, are you ready to change it? Are you willing to have a new reality? Are you willing to do the inner work so that you can have a partner that keeps their word and can walk there talking live in integrity? Are you ready to have the deep intimacy available in a high level conscious relationship?
I would love to help you be the person who can attract that mirror 😉 It’s going to require some inner work but it doesn’t take that long… I recommend you apply here for a complementary session with me to see if you’re a fit for me to invite you to work with me for a series of 6 Sessions. You can apply at a www.allanapratt.com/connect
Let’s make 2018 a year you change this and create the results you desire, yes?
Humongous love and tender blessings, Allana
p.s. Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection.
Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com
Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now.
Enjoy your “Vulnerability is the New Sexy” Complementary Training at www.AllanaPratt.com
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Great Wisdom. Our society entangles Sex a physiological need with belonging and Love Need. These are 1. and 3. of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Step by Step evolution of your 7. actualization and 8. Transcendence of Self Realization of your individual Needs WHAT not HOW you teach. Transcendence to Maslow is the Cross of Jesus’ helping others. No my cross of Self-Realization of my matter World to the Spiritual World. Your view of the individual Soul and Sex and Love in Matter addresses the difference of 1. and 2. above. Wisdom and the Uniqueness of Each Human’s Individual Soul. My… Read more »