Hard Truths I Wish I Knew Before Entering an Interracial Relationship

I’m a relationship writer, but I refuse to give you the idea that my relationship is all roses and butterflies.

It’s far from it.

In fact, I, too, have those days where I want to end it all because relationship problems sometimes are just too much. It drains my energy mentally.

I’m sure I’m not alone on this. To say that a marriage or a serious relationship never had an issue is just a fat lie. We all know life isn’t that nice all the time.

But being in an interracial relationship has another level of struggle. And here are a couple of things that I wish I had known earlier:

There are always people in the family who disapproves of your relationship

It’s just unavoidable.

You’d have family members who’ll tell you it’s the worst decision you could ever make in your entire life. They think you’re crazy.

“The honeymoon phase will expire, and you’ll realize how stupid you’re for choosing this person to marry” — as what they like to stay.

I’m from Asia, and people aren’t that open-minded. Let’s say you’re a Muslim. There’s no way they’ll let you marry someone from another religion. They take it very seriously.

And let’s not forget how much “shame” you bring to the family by marrying someone that looks different. As if you do something wrong.

Think about it. You met someone you like, and people told you it’s such a shame that you chose them instead of someone else. Someone acceptable in their eyes.

This whole family conflict thing will drive you nuts. And I’m not surprised people in this situation tend to call it quits at the end.

I guess, love isn’t enough?

Different cultural backgrounds impact heavily on how you see a relationship in general

This is more between you and your partner.

For the longest time, I didn’t believe in a happy marriage. I didn’t grow up in that kind of environment where my parents were all happy and getting along.

It was always messy and frustrating and sometimes, even brutal.

Aside from that, the culture I was in doesn’t truly highlight the importance of having a healthy marriage.

You know, that kind of relationship where you actually like the person you marry and do things together.

It’s more of getting married just because you’re old enough or the religion requires you. And the rest of your life with this person can feel like living with a stranger.

A man’s job is to look for money, and a woman’s job is to take care of the kids. But is that all?

Being with someone who grew up in a different culture and environment will determine the possibility whether it’ll be healthy or not.

I was in denial about this and blamed my partner for the imperfections in our relationship, but then I realized it’s just the way it is.

The only thing you can do is to be more aware and try your best to make relationship decisions wisely, rather than blindly following your culture.

Long-distance sucks

There, I said it.

I’ve been in it for years, and it’s definitely not a walk in the park.

Sure, you got to travel while seeing your partner at the same time. Still, it wears off after a while.

You become impatient and start wondering, “how many more goodbyes can we go through?”

Your mind thinks it’s doable. However, some days your heart just can’t take it anymore. It’s getting tiring.

I know it’s depressing to write things like this, but I also hate it when people think being with someone outside your race (or your country) is always magical.

Whoever feeds that image into your head on Instagram deserves a “mute” button from you. Being in denial that everything’s easy will only make the relationship worse.

A relationship is so much better in person. A misunderstanding can be fixed quickly.

And, let’s be honest. When things get tough, we need our partner to be there psychically. A long voice note just won’t cut it.

Food for thought for those who’re in it (or trying to be in one)

With that being said, it’s necessary to rethink your decision to commit to an interracial relationship.

Because love isn’t enough for you to go through it all.

Many young people, where I came from, at least, think of it as something glorious. When they hear about my love story, they just want to jump into a dating site and look for one.

The problem with this is, not every online relationship is worth pursuing.

There are too many compromises along the way. And even then, there’s no guarantee it’ll work out.

One thing that keeps my hopes high in this long journey is that I know my partner is still putting in the same effort to make it work. So, I never feel like I’m alone.

So, if you’ve been thinking to get into one or trying to make one work, it’s never too late to do a reality check. Nothing‘s more hurtful than fighting for something you knew would never work out.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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